


To Build A Home

by aliensinflowercrowns



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Anxiety, Disordered Eating, F/M, Flashbacks, Foster Care, Found Family, Fuck Sazed (The Adventure Zone), Gen, I did a hit on everyone, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Homophobia and Transphobia, Night Terrors, PTSD, Past Violence, Slight Violence, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Relationships, anxiety over unstable living situation, drinking our loving muslim girls on main juice, julia and lup are friends and it's god tier, kids trying their best, not from any of the characters we like dw, past unhealthy minor/adult relationship, religious trauma, specific warnings in chapter notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-06-15 12:05:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 67,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15412536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliensinflowercrowns/pseuds/aliensinflowercrowns
Summary: Troubled kids Taako and Lup are sent to a foster home in West Virginia under the care of Merle Highchurch. They aren't excited. But Merle and his other two foster kids - Magnus and Angus - are determined to help these kids, and give them a place to call home.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhhhhh this is like a rlly personal thing for me, full of me projecting onto various characters. i have a little over 20k words of it written already but like. we'll see if it actually goes anywhere.

“Taako -”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

The guard glared at him. “Don’t disrespect me, young man. Just because it’s your last day doesn’t mean -”

Taako tuned out the lecture. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter, because he only had to deal with this shit for a few more minutes. He just had to keep his cool until he got to the end of the hallway. And then, freedom. And then, _Lup_. Which, even with everything, was a decidedly positive factor.

Somebody jeered at him as he walked down the hall. Taako ignored it, keeping his eyes trained on the door. After six months, he was used to this.

Add that to the “List Of Things Taako Won’t Miss About Juvie,” which was currently:

  1. The shitty food
  2. The ugly ass clothes
  3. The guards
  4. The schedule
  5. The mandatory exercise (ew)
  6. The guards
  7. No Lup (maybe that one should’ve been higher but…)
  8. The assholes who won’t leave me alone



He stuffed his hands into his pockets, which, oh dear god was it nice to be able to do that. Even if these weren’t his best pants, dark red skinny jeans were so much better than the ugly orange abomination he’d been wearing for the last half-year. Like, he got it, they were committed to the aesthetic. Juvie is kid jail, don’t fuck up again, scared straight and all that. But did they have to go so far as regulating the clothing?

Whatever. Didn’t matter. Taako was done, he was out, he was finished with this whole operation.

Not that he meant to walk the straight and narrow from now on, he had just resolved to never get caught again.

The guard was still talking, something about hopefully never seeing Taako again, and then, like the goddamn pearly gates of heaven, the heavy door at the end of the hall opened up. It was a fairly innocuous waiting area, but to Taako it looked like paradise. And sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs, nervously jiggling her leg and twisting one of the shitty bracelets Taako had nicked for her when they were kids, was Lup.

All reservations Taako had previously held went out the window. This was his sister, who he hadn’t seen in months. Nothing else mattered more than being as close to her as physically possible.

He broke out into a run. The guard yelled something, but Taako didn’t care. Lup stood up, a wide smile breaking out on her face, and the two of the collided in possibly one of the greatest hugs of all time.

Taako looked at her. Her hair was shorter than the last time he seen her, it was shorn off into some sort of messy bob thing, her crazy thick brown floof barely brushing her shoulders. She had a black eye, which, what the fuck Lulu, but then again, Taako wasn’t one to talk, as he was currently sporting a split lip, and she was wearing the same threadbare red hoodie that she’d had for as long as he could remember, over a particularly flattering shirt and shorts combination. She was his sister and she was real and she was safe and she was in the flesh and she was out and they would never be separated again, been there, done that, no fucking thank you.

“Taako,” She said, and he could tell she was assessing him as much as he was assessing her. She grinned. Her teeth, while being jacked up, were better than Taako’s, who was sporting a huge gap between his front two teeth. Braces were not something they could ever even afford to think about.

“Lup,” He said, grinning as well.

“I missed you, dingus.”

“You too, goofus.”

They were both trying very hard not to cry. Taako suddenly became acutely aware of everyone else in the room. His insides seized up.

He grabbed Lup’s hand.

“God,” He said. “I forgot about nail polish.”

Number nine on the list: Not allowed to wear nail polish, makeup, or have any hair/skin care products outside of shampoo, conditioner, and regular soap.

Lup’s nails were currently a flame pattern that would’ve looked tacky on anyone else, but because it was Lup, it looked bomb as hell.

“I’ll do yours later tonight,” Lup said. “I’m thinking… galaxy pattern?”

Taako nodded. She seemed about as in the mood to talk about shit as he was.

Someone cleared their throat. Taako turned towards the sound, glaring at whoever was interrupting their touching moment.

He found the guard, who now held a small bag of all the belongings Taako had on him when he was taken in. He wondered where his other shit was. Hopefully someone had it, Taako had spent a long time accruing all of his possessions.

The guard listed off everything that he was returning. (A wallet with twelve dollars, seventeen cents, a Barnes and Nobles gift card, and a school I.D.; a pack of gum; a pocket knife; a polaroid picture of Taako and Lup; a collection of receipts, wrappers, and other trash; and the purse they all came in - which was red and very stylish.)

Taako took the bag with as much dignity as someone who is getting their possessions back from a juvenile hall officer can have, and turned to the fourth person in the room: their social worker. Jeffery “Call Me Pan” Panders had been taking care of the twins since they went into foster care at age ten. He was kind of crunchy, and Lup was pretty sure he smoked weed. He had always been chill, which Taako appreciated. He’d heard quite a few horror stories about social workers, and he didn’t need that bullshit in his life.

“Are we ready to go?” Taako asked. “Not to be rude, but I kinda wanna blow this shit show.”

“Language, Taako,” Pan said, but a smile played at his lips. “But yes, we are ready.”

There was a loud sound, and the sliding doors opened. Taako grabbed Lup’s hand, and they did not run, because they were not children, but walked purposefully and with speed outside.

Taako walked far enough out until he could see the sign. “Neverwinter Boy’s Juvenile Detention Hall.” He flipped it off. Good-fucking-riddance.

Lup caught up to him, and hip checked him gently before intertwining their hands. “You seem happy,” She said.

“Hells yeah my dude. I’m finally a free man!”

“I mean besides that,” Lup said. “You seem… I dunno. Different.”

Taako scrunched up his nose. “Probably the shitty haircut. It’s going to take forever to grow out again. I better get rea-fucking-quainted with hats because this cannot see the light of day.”

  1. Mandatory short hair



Lup made a face that Taako could probably interpret if he tried, but he didn’t want to, so he didn’t. If she wanted to be fucking cryptic, that was her prerogative. She was welcome to actually talk about shit whenever. Except, she wasn’t actually, because Taako was not in the mood for serious talk. He was in the mood for putting this whole thing behind them.

Pan sheparded them to the car. They slid into the backseat of his small black subaru easy as anything. Pan picking them up from some failed living arrangement was muscle memory at this point.

“So, bossman,” Taako said. “Where are we off to? I know that you and I had talked about the whole ‘emancipated minors’ thing awhile back, and now that we’re sixteen…”

Pan laughed. “That was before you two got yourselves thrown in the big house,” He said. “I’m sorry kids, but there’s no way we could sell your case for emancipation.”

Taako deflated. Lup patted him on the leg. He knew she was disappointed too, but she had probably been expecting this. Taako had been expecting this. Still, it didn’t hurt to ask. Or to pester.

“But who could resist this face?” He said, gesturing to himself and Lup. “Everyone loves twins! And think about it, we could really go for the whole ‘scared straight’ angle. ‘Delinquent kids want to prove themselves by going out on their own’... it’s like the premise of a Great American Novel.”

“Taako, no. Besides, I already have your next housing arrangement lined up.”

Taako felt Lup tense beside him. He knew they were thinking the same thing. Please don’t be a group home, please don’t be a group home, please don’t be a group home.

There weren’t a lot of places that wanted teenagers. Especially not teenagers like Lup and Taako.

“Where is it?” Lup asked, her voice teetering on the precipice of worry. Not that anyone besides Taako would be able to tell.

“With a friend of mine. Merle Highchurch, down in Moon, West Virginia.”

“Moon?” Lup asked, while Taako said at the same time:

“West Virginia?”

“Yeah. Something about the dirt there being white because of some old science tests.”

“Interesting, interesting, interesting… West Fucking Virginia?”

“Look, I know that’s a bit out of the way…”

“Out of the way?! No, no, no. Orlando would be out of the way. West Virginia is basically a whole nother planet!”

“Maybe it’ll be nice to get out of Neverwinter,” Lup said. “Get out of Florida.” She shrugged. “‘Sides, anything’s better than a group home.”

Taako stared at her. “I can’t believe this,” He said.

Moon, West Fucking Virginia.

 

\---

 

Lup jiggled her leg nervously. She stared at the door, then at her nails, then at Pan, then back at the door. This was taking too long. Why was it taking so long? What happened? Had they gotten the dates wrong? Maybe Taako had gotten in trouble and they weren’t going to let him out. Or maybe someone had decided to pick a fight with him and he’d gotten hurt. She couldn’t handle this. She couldn’t handle the waiting and the not knowing and the sitting and the not being in control. She needed to do something. She needed to move or run or punch or scream. She needed -

“Lup,” Pan fixed her with a look. “Deep breaths.”

Lup clenched and unclenched her fists, taking deep, purposeful breaths.

It would be fine. They were just running a little bit behind. Or were they? Lup was terrible at keeping track of time. She resisted the urge to glance at the clock, again. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since she’d last checked it (one minute and forty seven seconds) but it couldn’t have been too long. Even if it felt like an eternity.

And then the door opened.

And there he was.

Her brother.

Her heart.

Taako.

He was hugging her, and she was hugging him, and the whole thing was just a gross mess of feelings and emotions and love and basically everything that they didn’t do in public and she was mad at him, she was so mad at him, (and she was more mad at herself) but that could all wait because he was _here_ and he was _tangible_ and she was never going to let him out of her fucking sight again.

“Taako,” She said. He had a split lip - they’d talk about that later - and his hair was shorn shorter than she’d ever seen it, which she knew he probably hated. He was wearing a tacky pair of jeans that he used to pick up guys and a shirt that had an ugly alcohol stain on it, and he had that “fresh out of juvie” look to him. His eyes were weary, his hair wasn’t taken care of, his skin was rough, he was too glassy and impersonal. He looked like her last week. Lup bit back some remark about being the first twin in and out of jail, and haha little brother you’re always following in my footsteps, because there were some lines that even Lup was remiss to cross.

“Lup,” He said, and dear _god_ was it good to hear his voice again. It was cracky and breathless, like he hadn’t been using it, or like he was holding back tears. Probably a little bit of both.

God dammit. Taako was not allowed to cry, because if he cried, then she would cry, and she had actually done her eyeliner halfway decent today after being out of practice for so long.

“I missed you, dingus,” She said, not letting go of him. She didn’t believe he wouldn’t slip away.

“You too, goofus.” His voice almost broke, so he grabbed her hand and started prattling on about nail polish. She had been so happy to finally paint her nails again. So happy to wear makeup, to wear her clothes.

She’d been staying at a temporary foster home - some old people who had just had a kid age out of the system. They were pretty lax, letting her do whatever she wanted, which right now was a lot of television watching and personal fashion shows. And cooking. She’d also gone to the library and picked up some textbooks and new releases. The school system at Neverwinter Girl’s was atrocious. She needed new novels and some theoretical physics like… nine months ago.

Taako pulled her out of the building. She saw the way his shoulders lost some tension as he soaked in the outside air. She was so glad that she’d gotten out first, not just because of the obvious freedom, but so that Taako didn’t have to be alone. Taako would never be alone again. Lup was going to make god damned sure of that.

He paused to flip off the sign. Lup bit back a giggle. “You seem happy,” She said, hip checking him lightly.

“Hells yeah my dude. I’m finally a free man!” He smiled like a nerd, all gappy teeth and freckles.

“I mean besides that. You seem… different.”

He seemed like himself. Way more like himself than when she’d last seen him.

Taako deflected, because of course he did. He complained about his hair, which was reasonable. Lup knew how proud Taako had been of his long braid. He’d been growing it out since they were thirteen. She was glad that she hadn’t been forced to cut her hair. She had, but that was for necessity. It was hard to maintain long hair in prison. And she needed the change. She kept looking in the mirror and seeing him, and then feeling guilty, and then feeling angry, and then she would get into a fight, and then her parole officer would threaten to extend her sentence, even though he never did because the charge was hokey anyway and overcrowding was a bitch.

They got in the car, and Taako brought up the topic Lup had been dreading. Their next foster home. A year ago, they’d had dreams of emancipation. If kids were smart enough and resourceful enough, sometimes they could get out of the system by sixteen. But Lup had fucked all those dreams up. She’d asked Pan when she’d been released, and he confirmed her fears. There was no way they were going to get emancipated with a criminal record. Then he’d said something about being glad they didn’t have a felony charge and responsibility and controlling your temper and blah blah. It stung like a bitch to hear Taako have basically the same conversation.

Except, instead of launching into a lecture, Pan mentioned that he had their next foster home lined up.

Lup’s ears perked up at that. She’d been curious about the new foster home. Pan had been very clear that her current arrangement had been temporary, which meant that he was waiting until Taako was released, which meant that they weren’t going to be separated. But where would they go? She knew they were in deep shit. Could he be sending them off to reform school? He’d gotten on the highway, away from Neverwinter Proper, and wasn’t going towards the suburbs. Maybe they were being sent to some children’s home in Orlando? Whatever it was it had to be bad.

“Where is it?”

“With a friend of mine.” Oh fuck. He had to call in a personal favor. “Merle Highchurch. In Moon, West Virginia.”

“Moon?” The word was out of her mouth before her brain could start processing. Taako was already railing against the idea of West Virginia, and Lup’s mind was moving a hundred miles a minute.

He was sending them out of state. Probably to some sort of specialist. They’d exhausted every opportunity. He had to call in a favor with a friend. A friend in West Virginia. They’d fucked up. They’d fucked up real bad.

“Maybe it’ll be nice to get out of Neverwinter. Get out of Florida.” They’d never been out of Florida in their entire lives, hadn’t been outside of Neverwinter County since they were six. Maybe a new environment would help. “‘Sides, anything’s better than a group home.”

Taako humphed. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

Lup dug her nails into the pleather car seat. One thing was obvious. This was their last chance.

 


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quality bantz in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me??? ignoring all my other fics to hyperfocus on this one?? more likely than you think.

Magnus woke to the sound of scratching. 

Fucking Fisher. 

Don’t get him wrong, Magnus loved his (their? the? After nearly three years he still wasn’t sure what possessive pronoun to use) dog, but he did not appreciate getting woken up at - he checked the clock - six in the goddamned morning. Especially not on a day he got off school. 

Magnus groaned and tried to go back to bed but… nope. He was up now. 

“Ughhhhh,” He said. 

Fisher scratched at the door again. 

“Ughhhhhhhhhhh,” Magnus said again, this time with more emphasis. He rolled onto the floor, landing with a thud, and got up, scratching at his rapidly growing out of hand facial hair. Magnus was huge for a grown man. For a sixteen year old, he was a brick fucking shithouse. 

He opened the door to his bedroom, and was greeted by a mass of black fur. Fisher was a huge dog, and her breed could only be described as “Fluffy Hellhound.” She was pitch black and the only thing bigger than her paws was her heart. 

Sitting next to the spot previously occupied by Fisher was Magnus’ little… brother? Co-house-inhibitor? Roommate? Angus? Angus. Magnus’ little Angus. 

“Angus,” He said, grabbing the eleven year old’s book out of his hand (but making sure to save the space), “It’s six in the morning. Why-hi-eye are you outside my door?” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Angus said, standing up. He was still in his pajamas. “Can I have my book back, please?” 

“No,” Magnus said, handing it back to him. “Did you have a nightmare?” 

“No. I just…” He fiddled with the hem of his pajama shirt. “I was thinking…” Magnus raised his eyebrows and moved his hand in a “go on…” gesture. Angus bit his lip. “Doyouthinkthenewfosterkidsaregonnalikeme?” 

Magnus sighed. This was what he was worried about? Wait, no, edit that. Of _ course _ this was what he was worried about. 

“Angus, of course they’re gonna like you,” He said. “Besides, Merle said this was just like… a trial thing. If they fuck up, he’ll kick ‘em out.” 

“You know he’s not going to do that,” Angus said. “This is their last shot. He’s too nice for that.” 

“Yeah…” Magnus scratched his chin. “But if they were sucky to you, then he’d do it. Or I could just beat ‘em up.” 

“You aren’t supposed to do that, Magnus.”

“I can break the rules for my favorite nerd.” 

“Who brought Miss Lucretia into this?” Angus’ mouth spread into a shit eating grin. 

Magnus smiled and pulled him into a nuggie. “Don’t be an asshole, Angus.” 

Angus struggled half-heartedly against Magnus’ hold. Magnus released him after a few seconds. He yawned and scratched Fisher behind the ears. She didn’t even want to go for a walk, she wanted attention. 

“Let’s go grab some breakfast,” Magnus said, walking ahead of Angus, towards the stairs. The floorboards creaked under him. Their house was old, and kind of rickety, covered in plants and mismatched furniture. When Magnus had gotten there, it had reminded him of the Burrow from Harry Potter. Of course, he didn’t say that to anyone. He didn’t say much of anything to anyone when he’d first moved in with Merle. Angus thought the same thing, though. Harry Potter was one of the things that they first bonded over. 

“Do ya think Merle is up?” Angus asked, catching up to Magnus. Magnus shrugged. 

“Probably. Old geezer likes to get up at the ass crack of dawn. Do you know what his shift was like at the hospital last night?”

“He got off at eight.”

Magnus had been out with Carey last night and hadn’t gotten home until late. Not  _ too _ late, but late. 

Magnus nodded. “Then he’s probably awake.” 

They reached the bottom of the stairs and then turned the corner to the kitchen. Lucretia and Barry were sat at the counter, drinking coffee and reading books. Fuckin’ nerds. 

“‘Morning,” Magnus said, taking a sip of Barry’s coffee. He retched. “God. Who drinks their coffee black? Why don’t you love yourself, Barry?”

Barry didn’t look up from his book. “It matches my soul,” He said. 

Magnus rolled his eyes and started rummaging around in the fridge for some eggs. “We’re out of eggs,” He announced. 

“Yeah. I think Merle’s at the grocery store,” Lucretia said. “His car isn’t in the driveway.” 

Merle drove an absolutely terrible 1979 lime green convertible. It had smelled faintly of weed for as long as Magnus could remember. 

“Maybe he’s finally taken that thing to the dump,” Magnus said. 

“We can only hope,” Lucretia said. She usually drove around in Davenport’s car, a giant silver SUV called The Starblaster (named by a seven year old Lucretia). 

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be at school?” Agnus asked, hopping up on the stool next to Barry. He peaked over at Barry’s book. “Magnus, will you make me some toast?” 

Magnus rolled his eyes, but pulled out the bread and butter. 

“Dav gave us the day off,” Lucretia said. “So that we could meet the new kids.”

“We just thought we’d totally overwhelm them on the first day,” Barry said. “Baptism through fire.” 

Magnus snorted. 

“Do you know anything about them?” Lucretia asked, setting her book down and arching her left eyebrow. Magnus called it her “Nosy Face.” 

Magnus shook his head. “Merle just said that they were twins from out of state who’d been having a rough time, and if they fuck up too bad they’re out. We don’t even know their names.”

“He’s not gonna throw ‘em out,” Barry said. 

“Twins? Rad.” 

“I overheard Merle talking to Captain Davenport last week,” Angus said. “Apparently one of his old teachers called in a favor. Some guy named Pan. I did a little digging, and Jeffery Panders is a retired nursing teacher who lives in Florida. So we can assume they’re from Florida. He works as a social worker, obviously, around the area of Neverwinter County, which is a relatively poor area near the tip of the state. Merle seemed very frazzled about the whole ordeal, and since he only told us a few days ago, I think it’s safe to assume that this was a very last minute arrangement.”

Lucretia jumped in. “Which means that -”

“Nope!” Magnus said. “Nope. Okay. This… the line is here.” He made a gesture indicating the line. “We are getting dangerously close to line crossing territory. I love you three with all my heart, but sometimes you’re too smart for your own good. You can’t let your science-y curiosity get in the way of the fact that these are real people and they’re entitled to their privacy.” 

“You  _ three _ ? I wasn’t doing anything!” Barry protested. 

“That’s what they all say,” Magnus said, looking at Barry menacingly while he handed Angus his toast. 

Barry spluttered under Magnus’ gaze. “I don’t… I… what?” 

The door opened. Fisher barked and ran over to it, crowding whoever was trying to come in. 

“Down, Fish, down!” Merle griped, trying to edge his way past the door. His arms were laden with grocery bags. “What the hell are you doing here?” He asked upon seeing Barry and Lucretia. Barry flushed. Even after knowing Merle for his entire life, he still kind of scared him. Barry was like that. Lucretia didn’t react. She was, in Magnus’ words, stone fucking cold. 

“We’re here to meet the new additions to the family,” She said. 

Merle sighed, setting the bags down on the counter. He was a short man, only a few inches taller than Angus. “Not new additions. This is a temporary thing. ‘Til Pan can figure out some other option.”

“How can moving from Florida to West Virginia be the best option?” Barry asked. 

“How the hell did you know they were from Florida?” Merle asked. 

Magnus gave him a look that was a mixture of “told ya so” and “you really stepped in it now.”

“I don’t… I just… I…”

Merle glared but didn’t press Barry any further. “By the way, Magnus, you’ll probably have to share your room.” 

“What? Why? I thought they were taking the guest room?” 

Merle shrugged. “I thought it was two boys, but apparently it’s a boy and a girl. We’re not supposed to room boys and girls together, even if they’re biological siblings.” 

“That’s fucked up,” Magnus said. 

Merle shrugged. “Also, they’ve apparently got… volatile tempers. The girl is…” He pursed his lips, obviously not wanting to let too much on. Merle cared a lot about privacy. “Well. Let’s just say that it might be safest for everyone to give her her own space.” 

So she was violent. Great. Magnus sighed. He was trying really hard not to judge these people, especially before he met them, but it was hard. He was worried for his family, especially Angus. He knew Merle was worried too. Angus had moved in with them ten months ago, and they’d finally gotten him to feel comfortable. No one wanted to fuck up the peace they’d finally achieved. But on the other hand, pot and kettles and all that. Magnus had once been branded as violent too. 

“When are they supposed to be here?” Angus asked, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. He’d clearly caught on as well. 

“Soon,” Merle said. He checked the clock. “‘Round ten, if traffics good.” Merle studied everyone in the kitchen “sensing their auras” as he called it. “Now listen. We’re gonna be kind and civil to these two, and give them the benefit of the doubt and all that other shit. Ya can’t judge a book by it’s cover, and ya can’t judge a kid by their worst mistakes. ‘Sides, ‘ol Merle wouldn’t let anyone dangerous into the house.” Magnus knew that wasn’t true. Merle had let him in. “So stop acting nervous.” 

Traffic, it turned out, was not good, because the twins didn’t arrive until two in the afternoon. Magnus was sprawled out on the floor, playing with Fisher, Merle was watching golf on mute, Lucretia was helping Angus out with some homework, and Barry was finishing up the book he’d brought that morning, occasionally writing something in the margins. 

Then the doorbell rang. 

Fisher started barking, all four kids immediately jumped up, on high alert, and Merle waddled over to the door. Magnus followed him directly, with Angus, Barry, and Lucretia close behind. 

“Don’t crowd,” Merle griped, as he undid the lock. 

And the door opened. 

A tall man with a goatee and a warm smile stood next to two disinterested twins. One was examining their nails while the other sort of stared off, looking bored. 

The first thing Magnus noticed was that they were beautiful. Both of them were tall and lithe, built like supermodels. They had dark skin, and freckles peppered across their noses. They were both dressed stylishly, one was wearing shorts and a red jacket over a crop top, and the other had a long, flouncy shirt that fell off the shoulder draped over black leggings. Their makeup was impeccable, almost distracting from the different injuries they both sported on their faces. Magnus didn’t know a lot about style, but he knew these guys had it. They gave off a sort of unsettling air. Magnus couldn’t tell if it was haughty or threatening. He tried to smile, but couldn’t help being immediately put off. 

“Merle!” Than man said, Magnus guessed he was Pan. He pulled Merle into a quick hug. “My friend, it’s been too long.” 

“Indeed it has.”

“I hope you haven’t gotten too rusty.”

“Me? Rusty? Never!” Merle waved his hand. “In fact, remind me to show you this new balm I whipped up the other day.” 

Magnus almost missed it, but he caught the longer haired twin, the one in the jacket, looking at him. Critically, as if she was sizing him up. Magnus was reminded of when he was always in fight-or-flight mode, and felt a pang of sympathy for the twins. 

“But that’s not the matter at hand!” Pan said. “Kids?” He turned to the twins. 

The one who was looking at his nails crossed his arms and looked pointedly at Pan, raising one eyebrow. “Yes?” He - Magnus was pretty sure he was a he - said. 

Pan sighed. Magnus knew what this was. They were going to draw this out, make it like pulling teeth. 

“Why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

“Why don’t you -”

“I’m Loop,” The girl pointed a thumb at herself, “And this is Taco,” She jerked her hand towards her twin. “I’m the girl and he’s the boy, don’t get that twisted.” 

“Loop and Taco?” Magnus asked, scrunching up his nose. “Seriously?” He’d seen kids giving fake names before, but these two had to be at least his age. Usually if they wanted to tell someone to fuck off they were more direct. 

“L-U-P and T-A-A-K-O,” Lup spelled out. 

“What language is that?” Lucretia asked. 

Taako smiled wickedly, acknowledging them for the first time. “Elvish,” He said. 


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang's all here. interacting and shit.

It took them about a day to get to Moon. They stayed in a shitty Motel 6 somewhere in northern Georgia, and Taako loved it. First of all, it was a real bed. Second of all, he got to sleep curled up with his sister, making him feel safer than he had in months, and third of all, because of rules and shit, Pan couldn’t stay in the same room as them, so he got privacy for the first time in literally forever.   


“So,” Lup said, laying out all the nail polish she would need for a galaxy pattern. Taako was the best at makeup and clothes, and Lup excelled at nails, hair, and accessorizing. Together, they were fashion fucking icons. “West Virginia.”   


He laughed. “West fucking Virginia.”   


“Who names a town Moon?”   


“God! I know, right?”   


She stroked some black onto his thumb as the base. Lup was very proud of her nail polish collection. She’d been working on it since they were five. Their Aunt had gotten her a fancy tote for all her polish when they were nine, and she still lugged it around to every foster home. The twins had perfected the art of minimalistic hoarding. They kept everything, but could still carry all of their world possessions on them in one suitcase each if needed. They never had so much that it would take them two trips to get it all. They didn’t have the luxury of two trips.   


“I missed you,” She said. Her eyes were trained on his nails. He was glad for that, because he could tell they were glassy. Lup was good at hiding her emotions around everyone but Taako.   


“You said that already, dorkus.”   


“Yeah, but…” She sighed, and then looked at him. “I really really missed you. Like, a lot.” She made a frustrated sound. Neither one of them was good at voicing their feelings. He could tell this was hard for her.   


It was hard for him too. This situation sucked. It was everything Taako hated. It was messy and complicated and full of emotion.   


“Missed you too, Lulu.”   


She leaned forward, and rested her forehead on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, until their breathing synced up. It was something they’d been doing since they were toddlers. They would sit there and meditate until they were breathing together, and for some reason they felt stronger, and more whole.   


After a few minutes, she lifted her head and started painting his nails again. His shirt was wet. He didn’t say anything.   


“Fuck!” Lup said.   


Taako’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”   


“Greg goddamned Grimaldis!”   


“What about him?”   


“That fucker still owes me a hundred and fifteen dollars!”   


Taako giggled. “Shit.” He paused. “How did you get the owner of the biggest casino in Neverwinter to owe you money?”   


“That’s a secret I’ll take to my grave.”   


“You beat his ass at strip poker?”   


“It was actually strip go-fish.”   


Taako smiled.   


Lup stared at him, deadpan.   


“Oh my god, you aren’t fucking with me.”   


“I am not fucking with you.”   


“How do you bet on go-fish?”   


“You don’t. You win at strip go-fish and then you say that you’ll delete the pictures you took of Greg Grimaldis naked and flustered for a small fee of one hundred and fifteen dollars.”   


“Only one fifteen?”   


She shrugged. “I didn’t want to push my luck. I should send that fucker an invoice…”   


“You should draw like… a little dick on the invoice to remind him what he owes you.”   


She giggled. “I can see it now. ‘Greg Grimaldis! You owe me a hundred and fifteen dollars, and I aim to collect! You better believe, Greg Grimaldis!’ And then I drop the mic on his dick.”   


“I thought this was an invoice?”   


“I send him a detailed drawing of me dropping the mic on his dick.”   


They laughed. Lup finished his nails. They stayed up far too late watching trashy T.V. and reveling in the absence of a curfew. They found some key lime gogurt that had been left in the back of the fridge and Lup dared Taako to eat it. He did, and then washed his mouth out with terrible motel coffee.   


To anyone looking from the outside, there was nothing wrong. But the twins were out of sync. There would be a pause between riffs, odd silences, motions out of place that should’ve been easy. They weren’t okay. But they sure as shit weren’t going to talk about it. If there was one thing the twins were good at, it was repressing shit.     


They didn’t talk much in the car. Pan invited one of them to sit up front, but they declined, choosing to squish together holding hands. Lup quietly caught Taako up on all the books she’d been reading and television shows she’d been watching.   


The scenery slowly changed. Taako had always been fascinated by road trips. He hadn’t gone on many, and most of the ones he had were tinged with the dread of a new foster home. Still, there was something comforting about the utter smallness of the world. The roads stretching in directions he couldn’t even fathom, people in their cars talking with their loved ones, singing along with the radio, living their lives completely separate from him. Taako had always craved fame, but there was a sort of wonder in anonymity, in the fact that all of these people who were simply blips on the road had independent stories with nothing to do with him. They didn’t know his name or his sins, he was just another faceless car speeding down the highway. The ever changing fluidity of the universe was fascinating. Maybe that’s why he was so interested in chemistry. The composition and properties of the universe.  Changing one thing from another. The combinations of simple elements that create an infinite number of stories.   


Pan took a turn off the highway. They’d been in a traffic jam for hours, some huge accident about a mile ahead of them. Lup had made a sad noise when she’d heard about it. She was always the bleeding heart type.   


Moon, West Virginia waas as unremarkable as Taako expected it to be. It was rundown, with ramshackle houses and sloped shops. There was definitely some small-town charm to be had, but overall it was cramped, poor, and seemingly quite conservative. They passed by a white brick building called “Moonview High School,” and Taako’s face screwed up at the perspective of actually having to spend time there.   


This was going to suck. He gave it about a month before they got kicked to the curb. The only positive of the whole situation was that it would probably be easy to sneak out somewhere where no one knew who they were. They could climb out a window, catch a bus, and be in New York by morning.   


Taako glanced over at Lup. She was nervous. Her shoulders were tense and she was fiddling with the sleeves of her sweater in a way that she only did when she was resisting the urge to run away from whatever situation they were currently in.   


“I think you kids are really gonna like Merle,” Pan said, taking a turn onto a residential street. Rosewood Drive. “He’s a good guy. Real funny.”   


Taako and Lup didn’t react. Pan pulled up in front of a house. Taako glanced at the driveway. There was an absolutely hideous green convertible, and a cherry red motorcycle. The house looked like something a child would create in the Sims. Mismatched shutters, cracking paint, and overgrown yard filled with different flowers, plants and various lawn ornaments, vines creeping up one side, plants hanging out the window, a sign in front proudly proclaiming that “A Moonview Middle School Scholar Lives Here!”   


Pan got out of the car, and Taako and Lup reluctantly followed. Taako felt Lup’s hand snake into his. They passed the mismatched lawn furniture on the patio and stood on a welcome mat that read “Bless This Mess.” The door was bright pink. Pan rang the doorbell, and chimes to the tune of a Jimmy Buffet song echoed. Inside the house, a dog barked.   


Taako started examining his nails, looking completely disinterested. Next to him, he felt Lup settle into her surveillance mood - arms crossed, disinterested glare on her face, searching eyes. They were both very good at looking without being seen.   


There was some inner commotion, and then a very stout man with dark skin and a fluffy white beard tied into a knot who was dressed in a Hawaiian shirt opened the door. Behind him was a huge black dog, the burliest dude Taako had ever seen, some chubby white nerd with glasses, a ten (?) year old in a suit, and a black girl with corkscrew curls.   


Pan started chatting with the short guy, leaving Taako more time to survey the kids. The burly dude was probably his age. He seemed either Mexican or Native American. There was a huge scar running over one of his eyes, and the rest of his body seemed peppered with smaller scars as well. He was looking at Taako and Lup the way one might look at a feral wolf they were going to shoot. Taako didn’t like him.   


He disregarded the kid - he was tiny with a mop of curly hair and glasses that took up half his face, not a threat. The chubby dude in the bluejeans wouldn’t be an issue either, if it weren’t for the way he was staring at Lup. Taako was sure his sister could handle herself, but the last time one of them had gotten in a relationship they’d both gone to jail, so he might have to scare the kid off later. The girl was the hardest to read. She was regarding Lup and Taako in a scholarly way, with practiced disinterest.   
  
Fuck. Pan was talking to him.   


“Kids?”   


Taako turned to him, arching one perfectly shaped brow. “Yes?”   


Pan sighed. Good. When in doubt, go with being an asshole. It always worked.   


“Why don’t you introduce yourselves?”   


Taako rolled his eyes. Seriously? Couldn’t Pan just let them sulk in their room until they eventually did something that got them kicked out? Did he have to make this so hard?   


“Why don’t you -”   


Lup cut him off. She introduced them to the others, specifying their genders and spelling their names out, the works.   


“What language is that?” The black girl asked.   


Taako smirked, remembering an inside joke they’d had with their aunt when they were kids. “Elvish.”   


The little kid’s face screwed up. “Is… Is that a real language?”   


“He’s fucking with you, Angus,” The burly kid said.   


“Well,” Pan said. “I’ll grab your luggage.” He walked to the car and popped the trunk, pulling out the two battered suitcases containing all of their worldly possessions.   


“I’ve got to get going now,” Pan said, handing them their stuff. “You kids call me if you need anything.”   


He smiled and patted Taako’s arm affectionately. Taako glared.   


And then he was gone.   


“Come on in!” Merle said. His voice was gruff. He gave off an overall crunchy vibe. Taako didn’t trust him. “Kids, move outta the way.”   


The gaggle of kids moved further into the house. Taako glanced around - precursory surveillance. The inside of the house was as messy and as mismatched as the outside. Everything seemed lived in, like someone had thrown a bunch of darts around a thrift shop and took home whatever got stuck.   


The other four people were sprawled out on various living room furniture, all staring openly at Taako and Lup. Merle waddled past the twins, sitting down on the couch next to the black girl. Beside him, Lup let out a small yelp. Taako whipped his head towards her, to see the giant dog barging into her, trying to get attention.   


Merle laughed. “That’s just Fisher. She may seem like a hellhound, but she’s sweet.”   


“Right…” Lup said, raising her eyebrows. Taako saw her sneak a small scratch behind the ears. Lup loved animals.   


“Do you guys… wanna sit down?” Chubby dude asked.   


“We’re good out here, bubbeleh,” Taako said, crossing his arms.   


“Oh,” He blushed. “Um. Okay.” He stared down at his jeans.   


Yes, Taako thought. Good. Don’t try to make friends with us. We won’t be here long.   


“Well I’m Merle,” Merle said. “The big dude is Magnus,” Magnus waved. His face was set in a guarded glare. “And the little one is Angus.”   


“Hello, sir and ma’am!” Angus said. His voice was sort of wobbly, like he was afraid of them, but he was smiling brightly.   


“And the other two don’t actually live here, so they don’t matter.”   


“I’m Lucretia,” The black girl said. “And this is Barry. We live across the street. My godfather is a friend of Merle’s, and we’re friends with Magnus and Angus… basically what I’m saying is we’re here a lot.”   


“Great, great, cool, cool, cool, I don’t care. Where’s our room?”   
  
\---   
  
Lup surveyed the room. She wasn’t exactly sure what angle they were trying to play here, but whatever it was, she wasn’t in the mood. The house reminded her of something from a children’s book, full of soft edges and miss matched cushions. It didn’t seem like something that could exist in real life. Every surface was covered in plants or books or stray papers or… wooden ducks? The other four kids actually met them at the door, which was odd but not unheard of. What was unheard of was the way they were openly staring at them, they way that they didn’t all scurry back to their rooms as soon as possible. They all just dropped onto various pieces of furniture with a deceptive air of nonchalance.   


Lup was uncomfortable. She didn’t like feeling on display. She’d had enough of that over the past year. She just wanted to go somewhere private and be with her brother. She appraised the other kids. The chubby nerd wouldn’t be a threat, and neither would the kid, but the burly guy and the girl might try something. Which was fine. Lup was not afraid to bust heads if need be.   


She felt something push the back of her legs, and let out an involuntary yelp. She looked behind her and, oh, it was just the dog. Merle said her name was Fisher. She gave her a discreet pat on the head. They hadn’t been around animals since they were little kids, and would visit their grandfather’s farm in the summer. Lup loved all the animals. She remembered Taako had always liked the horses. He’d even done some trick riding - or as much trick riding as a less-than-ten year old can do.   


“Do you guys… wanna sit down?” The nerdy looking dude asked. He looked nervous, and seemed to avoid Lup’s eyes and face.   
“We’re good out here, bubbeleh.”   


The guy blushed harder at Taako’s comment, and stared down at his jeans. Lup narrowed her eyes. What was his deal? Was he scared of them? Did he have some sort of vendetta against them already? She hadn’t thought he would be an issue, but if he had a problem with her, she would have no problem having a problem with him.   


Merle introduced the other two foster kids - Magnus and Angus - and the girl, Lucretia, introduced herself and Barry. It was weird that they be over to welcome the new foster kids. She wondered how long Magnus and Angus had been there, given they’d had time to make actual friends. She didn’t remember the last time she and Taako had made a friend. She wasn’t sure if they’d ever made friends.   


Lucretia said something about a godfather. Were she and Barry siblings? They didn’t look like siblings, but stranger things had happened.   


Lup tried to taper down her curiosity. It didn't matter. Soon enough they’d get kicked out and the names and faces of these people would turn into meaningless static at the back of her mind.   


“Great, great, cool, cool, cool, I don’t care. Where’s our room?”   


Merle smiled and clapped his hands together, unfazed by Taako’s rudeness. “Okay, great,” He lead them towards the stairs. Lup noticed Magnus, Angus, Lucretia, and Barry all trailing behind them. “So,” Merle said, gesturing to an ajar door. “We didn’t have time to get everything ready on such short notice, but Lup, you’ll be staying here in the guest room, - or, well, your room now - feel free to decorate it however you want,” He gestured to a room across from the guest room. The door was wide open, leading to an incredibly messy room covered in clothes, wood carvings (?), schoolwork, and other various trash, all culminating in a huge frameless bed covered in various rumpled blankets. “And Taako, you’ll be bunking with Magnus. We’re getting a new mattress delivered, but until then he can just sleep on the floor.” Merle chuckled. “If you can find it.”   


Lup glanced over at Taako, whose face was rapidly switching between disgust, confusion, and rage. She could feel him about to blow up. Time for some damage control.   


“Yeah. So. That’s not gonna work,” She said.   


“I’m sorry?”   


“We can share a room,” Lup said.   


Merle frowned. “Well, Lup -”   


“We’re going to share a room.” She looked down at him with her patented “don’t fuck with me” glare. Her voice was icy.   


Merle smiled, trying to placate her. “I’m not exactly allowed to put yo- to put boys and girls in the same room.”   


Lup and Taako glanced at each other. They both heard him stutter.   


“That’s never been a rule before,” Taako said, his voice measured. “We’ve shared rooms lots times.”   


“Look, maybe we can try you rooming with Magnus for a little bit and then -”   


“I’m not gonna share a room with some dumb fucking oaf when my sister is right down the goddamn hall!” Taako yelled.   


Lup clenched her teeth. Well. This had worked for about ten minutes. That wasn’t nothing.   


“Taak,” She said, grabbing his wrist.   


He turned to her. “No! Fuck no! I haven’t seen you in a god damn year and now these fucking idiots want to try and take you away from me again? Uh, no thanks, I sleep where I damn  well please!”   


She squeezed his wrist reassuringly. “Taako.”   


“I -”   


“Taako.”   


He huffed. He was listening.   


“Twin time. Right now.” They ducked into the guest room. Merle was about to say something, but Lup shut the door in his face. Taako turned to her.   


“What’s this bullshit rule about not letting us sleep in the same room? I know they’re usually supposed to keep boys and girls separate but we’re siblings I don’t -”   


“It’s because of me.”   


He looked at her. “What?”   


She sighed, and picked at her sweater. “It’s cause… I’m put down as being ‘violent.’ It’s ‘dangerous’ to put me with anyone.”   


“Because of…”   


“Yeah.”   


“Violent?!” Taako laughed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”   


Lup bit her lip. Taako walked over and bumped his hip against hers. “Lup, look at me. Look me right in the stupid gappy teeth.”   


She smiled and looked up at him. “You aren’t violent. That’s bullshit. I know you’d never hurt me, or anyone else.”   


“Unless they deserved it,” She said.   


He glanced down at his shoes. Fuck. Wrong thing to say.   


“Let me talk to Merle. Maybe if we come at it less yell-y scream-y, he’ll listen to reason.”   


Taako nodded. “Okay.”   
They walked out of the room. “Look,” Lup said, facing Merle. “I get it. I’ve got an armed assault charge on my record, which isn’t great. But I’m a reformed gal. And I would never, ever hurt my brother. I don’t know what it says on your file, but that’s a fucking fact. Just give me one chance. If Taako comes to breakfast one morning with a black eye I’ll drive my damn self to the group home.” She clenched her fist. This was way too much information to give out in front of everyone. “Please.” The word tasted bitter in her mouth. “Don’t take me away from him again.”   


Merle stared at her. Lup got the feeling that under all of his crunchy granola vibe and Hawaiian shirts there was a reason they stuck him with all the difficult cases. “Fine,” He said. “I trust you, Lup. But trust is a two way street. You gotta -”   


Taako grabbed her hand, pulling her into the room. “Kaythanksbye!”   


Lup smiled. Cutting him off was probably a bad idea, but fuck, it was funny. Taako immediately started pulling open every drawer in the dresser. She flopped on the bed, testing it out. It creaked under her weight.   


There was a knock at the door, and then someone’s voice. “Do you want your luggage?” She was pretty sure it was the nerd - Barry.   


“Yeah, um, if you could just bring it up? That would be great.”   


She knew she wouldn’t get Taako out of the room anytime soon, and like hell was she going downstairs alone. That would interfere with her plan. She was not letting her brother out of her sight ever again.

 


	4. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ango is a good good detective boy

“Barry,” Lucretia asked. “What are you doing?”

Magnus perked his head up at her voice, to see Barry struggling to carry the twins’ suitcases up the stairs.

“Um… they, uh, they asked me to get their luggage?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Magnus asked.

Barry blushed. “It’s really not… not a big deal. I mean, I just wanted to make them more comfortable and…” He trailed off. Magnus sighed, and walked over to Barry, picking up both of the suitcases with ease.

He did not like the twins. Who did they think they were? Lup had yelled at Merle, Taako had called Magnus an oaf, they thought they could just waltz in here and boss Barry around… also, Lup had mentioned that she had an armed assault charge. Magnus wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, but this was his family. He had to protect his family, first and foremost.

He carried the suitcases upstairs. They were large, black, and nondescript. They seemed like they been through a lot.

He set them down in front of the guest room, and wrapped on the door. Barry stood off the side, nervously polishing his glasses.

Magnus knocked on the door again. “I’ve got your stuff,” He called.

The door opened, revealing Lup. She smiled. “Dope. Thanks… Magnus?”

“Yeah. Magnus.” He handed her the suitcases, and got a peek into the room. It was a trainwreck. It looked like a mini hurricane had come through. The bed was moved, the blankets were on the floor, the drawers were out of their dressers, the plants were out of their pots, and in the center of it all was Taako.

“Um…” Magnus said. “What the fuck?”

Lup smiled. It was a strange sort of smile. Not outwardly predatory, but informing you that she was in charge of this interaction. “Just getting a feel of the place, my dude. Ya know, feng-shui and all that shit?”

“Uh,”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, it’ll all be relatively clean by the morning.”

Magnus shook his head. Whatever they were doing in there, he didn’t want to know. He was about to leave, when Merle’s words rattled around in his head. Kindness and civility. He turned to Lup.

“Do you guys… want to do something? Like, with us? With me and Barry and Lucy and Angus?”

Lup stared at him like he’d just grown another head. Taako, seeming to sense that this was turning into an actual conversation, dropped the drawer he was holding and walked over to his sister. It was weird how identical they were, although, standing side by side, Magnus noticed how Taako was much thinner than Lup.

“Do… what?” Lup asked.

“Um, like, whatever you want, I guess? We could show you around town. West Virginia is probably a lot different than… um… wherever you guys are from.” Magnus wasn’t sure why he was lying about knowing where the twins were from. He wasn’t sure why he was having this conversation. Next to him, Barry shifted his weight. Magnus could practically feel the waves of awkwardness coming off of him.

He hoped that they would clarify where they were from and his little lie wouldn’t be a big deal, but the twins just stared at him. There was something expectant about it.

“Or we could… introduce you to some of our friends? Like, before you start school or whatever? I could… uh… if you guys wanted to stay in we have like… video games and stuff? Davenport’s place has a really cool entertainment system, we could go over there?”

Lup side-eyed her brother. He raised an eyebrow. She shrugged. Taako pursed his lips and turned to Magnus. Apparently a decision had been reached. “Yeah… no thanks, kemosabe. We’re just gonna unpack and shit.”

“Oh, okay, well if you -”

Taako shut the door in his face.

 

\---

 

Angus wasn’t sure how he felt about the twins. They were strange. Their names were strange, their clothes were strange, the way that they were going out of their way to be standoffish was strange. Angus had been in the system long enough to know that different kids had different ways of dealing with being in a new foster home, but this _wasn’t_ just a foster home, this was Merle’s house.

Maybe the twins just didn’t realize that yet. It had taken Angus a long time to realize that he was safe here, no one would snap at him if he asked too many questions, people didn’t ignore him, he didn’t have to be a tiny adult or be on his best behavior all the time. He was allowed to be angry or sad or childish, because he was just a kid.

Angus knew that Magnus was worried the twins would be mean to him, which made sense. Lots of times older kids were mean to younger kids because they felt like they had no control of their lives, so they lashed out on people who couldn’t fight back. Angus really didn’t want either of the twins to lash out at him (especially Lup, who apparently had a violent assault charge), but he would understand if they did. He wasn’t scared of the twins, per se, he was more unnerved by all of the change that they would bring about. But Angus was a very adaptable boy. He’d be fine.

He explained this all to Lucretia when she asked what he thought of them. Barry and Magnus had gone upstairs to bring them their luggage, and Lucretia and Angus were playing a game of chess. Magnus had given Merle the chessboard for Candlenights a few years ago. It was handcarved, with some help from Mr. Waxmen. Magnus was always groaning about how he could make one so much better now, but everyone in the family loved this chessboard.

“What do you think of them?” Angus asked. Lucretia ran a hand through her hair and considered it. She had a specific face when she was thinking. The left side of her mouth would tug down, and her eyes would go up, as if she was trying to look at her eyebrows. Angus thought that Lucretia was probably his best friend. Maybe it was weird for a twelve year old boy to be best friends with a sixteen year old girl, but that was just how it was. Angus wasn’t sure if he was Lucretia’s best friend, that was probably Magnus or Killian, but that was okay. He knew Lucretia loved him.

“I think…” She said slowly, taking one of his pawns. “I think that they’re interesting. I don’t have enough data to form a balanced opinion. They seem a little rude, but Magnus was also quite rude when he first moved in with Merle. We’ll have to just see what happens, I guess.”

“Was I rude when I first moved in?” Angus asked.

Lucretia smiled. “Of course not, Angus. You were perfect.”

Angus smiled. He was usually insecure about his smile, because his tongue would involuntarily stick out through his teeth. But one time when he was with Lucretia, Carey, and Killian, he’d been so happy that he grinned, and Killian had lost her mind over how adorable it was. Once Angus realized she was being genuine, he started smiling a lot more.

Magnus and Barry walked back down the stairs, now sans luggage. Magnus flopped onto his usual place on the floor, atop an old beanbag made of repurposed quilt. Barry walked over and observed Angus and Lucretia’s game.

“How did it go?” Lucretia asked. Lucretia was almost as curious as Angus was. That was part of the reason they got along so well. Angus took one of her bishops.

“They’re… adjusting,” Barry said.

“They’re assholes,” Magnus said. He turned onto his back. “I mean they’re adjusting, and I get it, it’s just… they’re kind of assholes? I’m sure they’ll get better though.” He sighed. “It’s hard. Being in the system. Especially when you don’t have a personality that most people find agreeable. I just…”

Angus knew what Magnus wanted to say. _I just wish they didn’t have to be here_.

Magnus was more averse to change than Angus was. Magnus reminded Angus of a bear. Fiercely protective of those he loved, incredibly dangerous to everyone else.

“They’re really something,” Barry said. “Kind of terrifying.”

“Kind of hot, too,” Lucretia said, her voice deadpan.

“Uh, I mean, um, what?” Barry spluttered. “Where did that even come from?”

“You were sort of oggling Miss Lup,” Angus said, trying to keep the smile out of his voice. He wasn’t as good Lucretia at that sort of thing. “Or, oggling in your own Barry way.”

“Which involves a lot of blushing,” Lucretia said.

Magnus smiled. He sat up, and pushed up imaginary glasses. “I… um… hi, Lup, can I take your bags? Can I help you with anything? If you have any problems _adjusting_ , feel free to call me.” Magnus did a very bad Barry impression.

Barry went even redder than before. “I don’t have to stand for this. I could leave! This is cyberbullying.”

“We’re just teasin’, Barry.” Magnus stood up and wrapped Barry into a hug, noogie-ing him affectionately.

Angus and Lucretia continued their game, getting into a sort of grid lock. Magnus quickly became bored, and he and Barry went into the kitchen and started microwaving various food and food adjacent things before Merle shooed them out. Eventually, it was time for dinner.

“Who wants to tell the twins to come down and eat?” Merle asked.

Angus shot his hand up. “I do!”

Magnus frowned. “Are you sure about that? They can be… prickly.”

“I’m sure, Magnus.” An important part of being a detective was gathering intel. Angus needed to interact with the twins one on one. Or, one on two. He doubted it would be easy to detach them from each other’s hips.

“Alright kid. We’re having my famous Zucchini Frittata.” Angus noticed Barry steel himself. Merle’s Frittata was known for copious amounts of cheese.

Angus walked dutifully up the stairs, and knocked politely on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again.

“Mister Taako? Miss Lup?”

There was some rustling, and the door opened. It was Taako. “Agnes!”

“Um, it’s, it’s Angus, actually.”

“Whatever. What do you want?”

“Uh…” Angus peaked into the room. The bed was in a different place than it used to be, as was the dresser and bookshelf. The floor was covered in books, clothes, makeup, and other various trinkets and knick-knacks. “Where’s Miss Lup?” Angus asked.

“Under the bed.”

Angus’ eyes widened. “What?”

“Lup!”

Taako opened the door wider so that Angus could see Lup shimmy out from under the rickety old bed. This used to be Mookie’s room, Angus remembered. When Magnus had moved in, Mavis and Mookie were still occasionally living at Merle’s house, so Magnus had gotten the old guest room. Angus was surprised that Merle had managed to get it so cleaned up after Mookie finally moved out. He’d thought they’d never be able to get some stenches out.

“Why was she under the bed?”

Lup stood up and dusted herself off. “Checking for ghosts,” She said.

“What did you want, Aglet?”

“Still Angus. And, it’s dinner.”

Taako looked over at Lup. She raised her eyebrows. He bit his lip. Angus very pointedly did not interpret this body language, because that would be rude. Taako turned back to him. “We’re um… we’re good.”

“You’re good?”

“Yeah. You go ahead with dinner. We’ve still got some unpacking and shit to do.”

Angus nodded slowly. “Oh. Um. Okay? Well. If you get hungry -”

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out, thanks Agnes.”

And Taako shut the door.

The rest of the family’s reactions to the twins not coming down for dinner was best described as “disappointed, but not surprised.” They all ate, talking about school and work and life in general, and it was so normal that Angus almost forgot about the strangers upstairs.

Almost.

Angus had always been a very light sleeper. Part of it was just who he was, part of it was a result of the life that he’d lead. Even though he had no reason to be alert at night, the smallest sounds could still wake him up. So when he heard the telltale creaky floorboard that everyone who lived in the house knew to avoid, he was out of bed like a shot.

On one level, Angus knew that it was a big no-no to follow people around in the night, but on the other hand, he was detective, and as a detective it was his duty to investigate all sneaking around done in his house. Besides, he wouldn’t get in actual trouble. Merle had told him if he couldn’t sleep he was welcome to move around the house at night and try and do things to make himself tired.

His mind made up, he crept out the door and down the stairs.

What was Taako doing up this late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ten bucks to whoever can guess why taako and lup were tearing up their room. there's a v specific reason.


	5. v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taako and ango talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: 
> 
> this chapter contains a scene in which a character has a surreal nightmare, which includes body horror, gore, and unreality. it also contains reference to abuse and an unhealthy relationship between a teenager and an adult. if you want to avoid the dream sequence, stop at the sentence "and then the dreams came."

Taako wasn’t sleeping well. He hadn’t slept well since… he couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept well. Sometimes he would have good nights, or sometimes he would be so tired he would go into a dreamless knockout sleep for fourteen hours, but all in all, Taako couldn’t sleep for shit. Lup had insomnia as well, but not as bad as he did. After their… disagreement about Taako deciding that he didn’t want to go down for dinner, Lup had stuck her earbuds in and gone to bed.

They never would’ve left something unresolved before. Hell, they wouldn’t have fought in the first place. But now…

What was worse than the insomnia were the night terrors. Lup and Taako were both plagued with bad dreams, but she didn’t wake up screaming six times out of ten and have to be soothed back to sleep because she was delirious. Nope. That one was all Taako, baby.

Taako was pretty sure his insomnia had gotten worse in juvie. Or it had at least gotten worse before. If you didn’t go into REM sleep, you couldn’t dream, and if you didn’t dream, you wouldn’t scream.

It was four in the morning, and Taako was staring at the ceiling. Someone had once put those little glow in the dark stars up there, and when they’d been taking them off, they’d missed one in the corner of the room. It glowed stubbornly, attracting Taako’s wandering eyes.

He had to get up.

For the first time in a long time, he actually had the freedom to move about at night.

Checking to make sure that Lup was actually asleep - he hated bothering her when she was sleeping. It was so rare for either of them to get good sleep - he carefully got out of bed. He opened the door quickly - it was less likely to groan that way - and tiptoed down the hall. At one point, he hit a creaking floorboard, but was pretty sure no one noticed.

Taako found himself in the kitchen. He wanted to cook. He hadn’t cooked in so long. Not since before juvie. He wasn’t hungry, but that didn’t mean anything.

Sometimes, when he was little, if she was lucid enough, his mother would make Lup and he chai when he couldn’t sleep. He doubted Merle would have all the ingredients, but he wasn’t going to actually eat it, so who cares. If he could get something that smelled the same, it might have that calming, familiar effect on him.

He was halfway through pulling out all the ingredients when he noticed a figure dart behind the kitchen counter.

He whirled around, ready to fight. “Who the fuck?!” He whisper-yelled. “I know you’re down there. What do you want?”

In the darkness, he saw the face of the kid - Angus - emerge.

“Um… h-hi, sir.”

“What do you want?”

“I… couldn’t sleep?” The kid was obviously bullshitting him, but Taako didn’t care enough to press.

“Okay,” He said, going back to the spice cabinet.

“What are _you_ doing?” Angus asked.

Taako shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “Couldn’t sleep. Cooking helps. Why? Is this not allowed?”

Taako quickly ran through all the ways he could cover up him being here. The spices and dishes would be easy to hide, no one really checked spices and he could just wash the dishes and put them back. The milk would be difficult, but he could just use a little and then replace it with water.

“No,” Angus said. “It’s fine. It’s not like that here.”

Taako nodded once, hoping to signify this conversation was over, but Angus pressed on.

“What are you making?”

“Chai.”

“Chai?”

“It’s better than plain milk.”

“Oh. I’ve never had it.”

“Well, you’re like seven, that makes sense.”

“I’m eleven.”

“Didn’t ask for the backstory, kid.”

Taako set the milk on the stove, stirring in ingredients with what seemed to be a handcarved wooden spoon. He wondered briefly who the carpenter in the house was before stopping himself, because no, Taako, it doesn’t matter. Don’t form attachments, don’t pay attention, keep on moving.

“Can I have some?” Angus asked. “When you’re done? It might help me sleep.”

Taako’s grip on the spoon tightened. He grit his teeth. “I don’t cook for other people, kid.”

He stared down at the milky mixture, feeling bile rise to his throat. Fuck. No. Not here, not now, not anymore. He hadn’t done this since his first month in juvie. He swallowed forcefully, keeping it down.

Angus walked over to him and stared into the pot. A little too close for comfort. Taako took a miniscule step to the left.

“Chai is a type of tea, right?” Angus asked.

Taako shrugged. “Sorta,” He said. He could talk about this. This was easy. “Technically chai means tea in Hindi, so this is masala chai. White people just sort of categorized it as ‘indian tea,’ even though it’s a very specific type of tea. Linguists do that kind of shit all the time.”

“Oh,” Angus looked into the mixture, then said, in a very small voice, “I’m Indian.”

Taako didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself to.

Angus continued.

“But I don’t… I don’t know anything about it. About like… the culture and stuff. ‘Cause, I guess I’m only half Indian. Half Indian, half Jewish. I was raised by my mom’s dad, an’ he’s white. He… he wasn’t bad, I love him a lot, but he never liked my dad much. He never wanted me to… embrace my culture or whatever.”

Taako nodded. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know where he came from. His family was such a mixed bag of craziness. He didn’t know who his father was, he didn’t trust his mother as a reliable source of information, his aunt never bothered to tell them and his grandpa didn’t remember. People always found it weird to come across brown skinned kids with naturally green eyes. Or, partially green eyes. He and Lup were both heterochromatic, she had a bit of brown in her right eye and he had a bit of brown in his left. Usually they put hispanic down as their race - which made the names kind of weird - but he’d heard Pakistani, East African, Native American, Argentinian… Taako had decided that it didn’t matter a long time ago.

Clearly it mattered to Angus, though. Taako wasn’t good with things that mattered.

“Sometimes thems the breaks,” He said, which was probably the wrong thing to say. He tried to remedy it. “Er, I mean… you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, ya know? If you wanna try chai, try chai. It doesn’t matter what your grandpa thinks, it just matters what you think. If you care about that kind of shit then like… care about it? Who gives a fuck what anyone else says.” He paused. “But don’t get that shit from Starbucks. That’s not real chai.”

“Okay. Um. Thanks.”

Taako stirred it one more time, then turned off the stove, and poured the chai into a large mug. Angus stared as he sprinkled ground cinnamon on the top.

“Are you sure I can’t -”

“I said fucking no!”

Shit. That was loud.

“Taako,” Lup’s voice was soft, a bit admonishing. She stood at the bottom of the stairs with her arms crossed and feet bare. She was wearing a tank top and some of Taako’s pajama pants. Her hair was in a messy bun - her “sleep bun” - and she was wearing her huge wire framed glasses. Both of them technically needed glasses, but neither of them wore them. If they had cash, they’d wear contacts during the day, and Lup wore hers at night, but Taako wouldn’t be caught dead in glasses unless they were a viable outfit accessory.

“It’s late,” She said.

“No shit.” Taako’s voice was soft, somewhere between caught child and person on the edge of a breakdown.

“Why are you still up?”

He shrugged, not looking at Lup, not looking at Angus, not looking at the frothing mug in front of him.

She padded over to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Taako was all to cognisant of Angus watching them, but as soon as his sister wrapped her arm around his waist, he was far too tired to care.

“C’mon, Koko, let’s get you to bed.”

He nodded again, grabbing the mug and dumping out down the sink as she lead him upstairs.

He fell asleep curled up next to his sister, smelling like home, and it was almost peaceful. Then, the dreams came.

He’s cooking something. But he’s not in Merle’s kitchen, and he’s not in his aunt’s kitchen, no, he’s in a large kitchen in a familiar upscale apartment in downtown Neverwinter. His hair is long, tied back in a signature braid. He’s wearing shorts that make his butt look good and one of Sazed’s old shirts. It smells like him, but right now that smell doesn’t make him want to vomit. It’s comforting. Taako looks good, and Taako knows he looks good, and most importantly, Sazed will think he looks good. Taako may only be fifteen, but he knows how important it is to look good for his boyfriend.

The door opens, and then slams. Taako doesn’t flinch, or jump, he smiles and continues to stir.

Sazed walks into the kitchen, grabbing Taako by the waist and lifting him off the ground. He buries his face in Taako’s neck, giving him a kiss.

“Hello, love,” He says.

“Hey babe -”

Sazed holds up a hand, cutting him off. He frowns. “What the shit are you doing?” He asks.

Taako smiles. If he’s just happy and agreeable, Sazed won’t get mad. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was trying to help. “I’m making dinner,” Taako says. “I know you’ve had a long day and -”

Sazed grabs the spoon out of Taako’s hand and lifts it to his mouth. He makes a face. “God, ew, no, Taako, this is disgusting!”

“Well, it’s not done yet, it -”

“Are you trying to fucking poison me? This isn’t even food!”

“I’m -”

Sazed sighs. “You can just be so _childish_ sometimes.” That stings. Sazed knows that it stings. He knows how to get to Taako. Taako, you’re so immature. Taako, can you just calm down? Will you please take this seriously? God, you’re such an idiot! You really don’t get it, do you? “Just… I’ll make us dinner. Get out of the kitchen, you’ll only fuck things up.”

Taako nods and starts to walk out of the kitchen.

Sazed calls after him. “And take that stupid thing off!” Taako looks down. He’s wearing a frilly pink apron that Lup got him for Candlenights. Sazed hates it. Sazed hates anything to do with Lup. Why was Taako wearing it in the first place? He’s so stupid sometimes.

Taako is sitting at the table. Sazed smiles as he brings out a plate. He sets it down in front of Taako with a flourish.

“Dinner is served!”

Taako stares at the plate. Slimy black tentacles squirm on the fine china, taunting him. He feels his stomach start to roll. They’re fat and juicy, animated and alive, they remind him of the slugs that kids used to dare him to eat in elementary school.

He looks up at Sazed. His eyes are black. He’s so large. So much taller than Taako.

“Is there something wrong?” He asks. Black fluid drips out of his mouth as he speaks, running down his shirt and pooling on the table. It sticks to his pointed teeth like tar. Curling horns protrude out of his forehead. He smiles wickedly, and flicks his forked tongue.

“Taako?” He asks. His voice sounds like static.

Taako is so small. The table and chair dwarf him. The tentacles squirm on the plate, getting restless, growing larger by the second. Sazed taps his fingers impatiently. Taako has to make a choice.

“Love.”

It is not a question, it is a command. Taako grabs a fork, it is like a trident in his hand, and stabs in into one of the tentacles. The same black goo that came out of Sazed’s mouth comes out the tentacle, squirting onto the table and onto Taako’s face as the creature falls motionless. Taako slowly brings it to his mouth. His entire body rebels, but he forces himself. It tastes like drowning.

“It’s good, yeah?” Sazed asks. His nails are sharp, and dark. The tips of the horns pierce back into his temples.

Taako nods. He cannot speak.

“Have some more.”

Taako eats another tentacle, splattered again in the tar-like liquid. And then again, and again, and again, until he cannot eat anymore. The plate looks fuller than before. Taako is chewing. He cannot breathe. His eyes fill up with tears, until finally, like a dam breaking, it all comes out.

He falls to the ground, retching. It all comes up, bile, blood, tears, black liquid, tentacles, covering the floor, and covering him. Taako is so weak, he can’t move out of the pool of his own throw-up. Sazed tsks, disappointed, and leaves the room. Taako tries to cry out, but instead just retches again.

He wants Sazed. He wants his sister. He wants someone, anyone, but Taako is alone.

He didn’t remember waking up. He felt lost, dancing in some murky space between sleep and consciousness, but when suddenly his sister is rubbing his back and holding his hair while he dry heaves in the bathroom, his stomach too empty for anything to actually come up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scene where taako and angus make chai is inspired by a one shot in the series "ango of green gables" which is very sweet and y'all should go read it.


	6. vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup has a rough morning. we go through the minor character introduction lightning round.

Lup woke up to her brother screaming. This was not a rare occurrence, Lup had been waking up to Taako screaming for as long as she could remember. Occasionally she repaid the favor and he woke up to her screaming. It was a nice little fun twin activity that they did. Their lives were shitty enough, so they had to be tortured by imaginary dream demons as well. 

The thing that was different about this night, was that as Lup began the arduous process of getting Taako lucid, someone threw open her door. 

It was Magnus, brandishing a huge metal bat. He was naked except for his underwear, and Lup might’ve found the silhouette funny if it wasn’t for the circumstances. 

Taako screamed again, his nails scratching at his arms, at the sheets, at his face, and at Lup, while tears poured from his vacantly staring eyes. 

Merle joined Magnus in the hallway. He was holding his cell phone and… a bible? Lup noticed Agnus peak his head around the doorframe. Great. It was like a fucking party. 

She ignored them. 

“Taako,” She said, soft but urgent. 

He whimpered and clawed at her face. She grabbed his hands, holding them tightly. 

“Taako, babe, please, you gotta wake up.” 

He stopped for a second, shaking like an aspen, and then turned and retched. Thankfully, nothing came out. 

Lup rubbed his back in soothing circles and lifted him up, walking towards the door. 

“What’s going on?” Merle asked. 

“Move,” She said. 

“I can carry him,” Magnus said. 

“Don’t you fucking touch my brother.” Lup’s voice was deadly. 

She pushed past the three of them, setting him up in front of the toilet. She ran her fingers through his hair and scratched at his back, trying to calm him down. 

“I’ll ask again,” Merle said, standing in the doorway of the bathroom. “What in the damn hell is going on?” 

Lup sighed. She was fucking exhausted. “Night terrors.”

“Night terrors?”

“Like bad dreams on steroids.” 

He shook his head. “No, I know what they are I just… I’m sorry, kid.”

Lup bit her lip. “It’s fine. We both get them, but he gets them more. Just… we’ll be fine. I’ll take care of him.” 

“Lup, I can help -”

“Help me by leaving. Please. I’m sorry for waking you up.” 

She could tell Merle wanted to say something more, but mercifully, he fell silent, stepping back and shooing the other two boys back to their rooms.  

“Lup?” Taako croaked. After Merle saw that Taako was awake, he left, giving the twins their privacy. 

“Hey, ‘Ko. I’m here. I’m here.” 

He sighed, relaxing into her, crying softly. He turned towards her, burying his face in her shoulder. She rubbed his back, then lead him back to “their” room.  

“C’mon, it’s already five thirty, there’s no use in trying to get back to sleep now. Do you need a valium?”

They had stolen a bunch of pills from one of their foster parents a few years ago. They got kicked out, but no one had ever found the pills. Now they carried them around, rationing them out and using them in only the most extreme situations. 

Taako shook his head. “I’ll be alright,” He said. “I’d love some coffee, though.” 

Lup nodded. “Okay,” She said, helping him back to the bedroom. “You get your bearings, I’ll see if Merle’s got some grounds.” 

She headed for the door. 

“Wait,” Taako said. “Could you… stay? I’d rather have you here than have coffee.” 

“Okay,” Lup said, walking back to the bed. The snuggled up together, him resting against the headboard and her resting against his shoulder. They both dozed off without meaning to, into a thankfully dreamless sleep. 

 

\---

 

It took Mangus a second to remember why Angus was in his bed. When he’d first gotten to Merle’s, he would get scared being alone in his room, and so he would crawl in Magnus’ bed, but that hadn’t happened for a few months. It took him a second to remember the incident last night. 

Magnus had been sleeping like a rock - as per usual - when he heard a blood curdling scream. He grabbed the metal bat he kept next to his bed (a habit from his younger years), and ran towards the source of the sound. He’d swung open the door to the guest room - er, the twins’ room - and found Taako, eyes wide open but completely unseeing, clawing at both Lup and himself in a blind panic, while Lup tried to calm him down, seemingly unperturbed by the scratching and screaming. 

She’d taken him to the bathroom, and Merle told him and Angus to “mind your own damn business,” and go back to bed, which was Merle speak for “don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” Angus had asked, very quietly, if he could sleep with Magnus. Magnus had obliged without question. 

Magnus softly nudged the smaller boy. “Hey, Angus, time to get up.” 

Angus mumbled and nuzzled himself further into the blankets. Magnus laughed softly. “C’mon, kid. We got school.”

Angus groaned, but sat up with a stretch and a yawn. “Are the twins coming to school today?” He asked. 

Magnus shrugged. “Dunno. Ask Merle.” 

It turned out that the twins were not going to school that day, they had a meeting with their new social worker. Magnus wondered if they would have the same social worker as he and Angus. Moon was a pretty small town, and he supposed it was normal for all residents of one house to have the same caseworker. It wasn’t really like a therapist, where there’d be conflicts of interest or whatever. Regardless, the twins were sleeping, and it would be great if you could just let them sleep Magnus, please and thank you. 

Magnus and Angus quickly got dressed, for Angus this meant pulling a perfectly put together outfit out of his neat closet, and for Magnus it meant sniffing some articles of clothing on his floor and throwing on whatever was least pungent. (Today that was a pair of jeans, a tee shirt that said “I flexed and the sleeves fell off” except that it still very much had sleeves. It was a gift from Carey. Only she, Merle, and Barry understood his love for stupid graphic tees.) 

Angus brushed his teeth and hair, Magnus threw on some deodorant and thought about shaving but then didn’t, Merle had left them each a strange looking smoothie that would be disregarded in favor of whatever breakfast was being distributed on the Starblaster, and they were out the door. 

They quickly ran across the street and hopped in Lucretia’s (technically Davenport’s) giant silver suburban, The Starblaster. Lucretia was in the driver’s seat, Magnus was in the passenger seat, Angus sat in the second row in the middle, and Barry sat on the left side in the second row. 

“No twins?” Lucretia asked, buckling herself in. She was absolutely dwarfed in driver’s seat, but Lucretia’s energy made her 5’3” stature something formidable. 

“Nope,” Magnus said. “They start tomorrow.” 

Lucretia nodded and started driving. First they went downtown to pick up Julia. Lucretia idled in front of the Hammer and Tongs - Magnus’ workplace. Julia and her father, Steven, lived in the apartment above it. Julia came out the shop door wearing her hair pulled back by a red bandana. She had on a yellow dress and brown boots, and everytime Magnus saw her his heart skipped a beat. She opened the door and plopped down in the seat on Angus’ right. 

“Morning,” She said. “My dad gave me some snacks for everyone.” 

She reached into her bag and pulled out a bag of store bought chocolate chip cookies. It was a tradition on the Starblaster that someone supplied breakfast each morning. They had a loose rotation. Lucretia was exempt because she drove and didn’t charge gas money, and because whenever it was her turn she would bring her weird ass trail mix (or pgorp, as she called it) that had unshelled pistachios. 

After everyone had received a cookie, Lucretia started driving again. This time it was back towards where Magnus and everyone lived, or, the shitty part of town. They reached an apartment complex, Waterdeep Heights, where Johann, a skinny white kid wearing sweatpants, sat outside staring pensively at the gutter. He raised his head when he heard the Starblaster, and as he carefully placed his beat up violin in the trunk, Killian, who was their only friend that was almost as big as Magnus, came barreling out of her apartment and into the car. She grabbed a cookie from Julia and settled in the seat behind Barry. Johann climbed in, much slower, and sat next to Killian, trying to decline a cookie before Julia insisted. 

They drove down a backstreet, towards the outskirts of town, where Avi was waiting outside his house, holding a flask. The scowl on his face dissipated as he saw the car approach. He climbed in next to Johann. 

“Really, Avi?” Lucretia said. “It isn’t even 8 a.m. and you’re already drinking?”

“Hey,” He said, raising his flask. “This could be tea! You don’t know!”

“Is it tea?”

“Well, no, it’s bourbon, but the point still stands.” 

“Gross,” Magnus said. “How can you drink  _ bourbon _ ?” 

Avi scoffed. “Please, Magnus, you drink mead. What is this, the fifth century?” 

Magnus launched into a defense of mead as Lucretia started towards their final destination. 

Carey Fangbattle, Magnus’ best friend, lived in arguably the nicest house out of the gang. A suburban two story that her parents  _ owned  _ rather than rented. Lucretia honked and Carey left the house, swinging her backpack and rugby duffel. She climbed in the car and plopped herself on Killian’s lap, making the suburban officially over capacity. 

They knew that this carpool system was long and over complicated, and it forced everyone to get up an hour earlier (or, it forced Magnus to get up an hour earlier. Carey liked to brag about how she usually woke up ten minutes before she left for school), but it ensured that all of them got to see each other at least twice everyday. Magnus liked having all his people in one place, where he could check up on them. 

Lucretia drove through Dunkin Donuts, they all got their coffee, and then they pulled up in front of Second Sun Middle to drop Angus off. Even though he was eleven, he was in eighth grade. The middle school was right next to the high school, so Lucretia just had to swerve into the parking lot, and they all departed the Starblaster in a clown car esque fashion before walking to class. 

It was a good morning. 

 

\---

 

Lup woke up before Taako, which made sense. She had always been the early riser. Sleep was so hard to come by for Taako that he never was fully awake. 

She threw on some clothes - one of Taako’s oversized tee shirts that advertised some diner he’d worked at when they were fourteen and a pair of black leggings with flames on them - and slipped on her long sleeve of golden bangles. She’d always liked the way they clanked on her wrist, and when she was nervous she could slip one off and fiddle with it. 

She was starting to realize that sound really traveled in this house, because she could hear someone whistling downstairs. Other than that, it seemed quiet. She glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand table (which had been taken apart and put back together again in last night’s preliminary search for nanny cams or other recording devices). It was past ten a.m. 

Lup whistled quietly under her breath. She hadn’t slept that late in over a year. 

“Taaks,” She said, climbing back on the bed and poking at him quietly. “C’mon. Time to get up.” 

He groaned. “F’ck goff, Lulu.” 

She rolled her eyes. “C’mon dingus, we’re wasting daylight.” 

He groaned again, but opened his eyes and stretched. Taako rolled out of bed and glanced sadly at his hair in the mirror. Lup felt for him. Taako had always loved his long, voluptuous hair. It was just one more thing that juvie had taken from him. One more thing that never would’ve happened if Lup had been able to protect him. It wasn’t a buzzcut, it was still sort of shaggy, but it wasn’t Taako. He grabbed a red halter top and one of Lup’s floppy sunhats. She saw him glance at one of his favorite black skirts before throwing on a pair of skinny jeans. 

She sucked in a breath. It wasn’t a big deal. It was a matter of survival. Some places it was safe to wear skirts. Some places it wasn’t. It was always better to assume you weren’t safe until proven otherwise. But Taako looked so sad. 

Lup remembered one time, a little less than two years ago, back Taako had just started dating Sazed, the two of them were getting ready to go to some club. She’d just finished doing his makeup. 

“Why don’t you wear that strappy little black number?” She’d said. “It’ll look great with this smokey eye.” 

Taako had shrugged. “Nah,” He’d said. “I don’t… I don’t really feel like wearing dresses anymore.”

Lup narrowed her eyes. “Seriously? You, Taako, from  _ TV _ , don’t want to wear a dress?”

He’d shrugged again, feigning nonchalance. “Sazed doesn’t like them.”

_ Sazed _ . Lup had never liked that guy. Taako had notoriously terrible taste in men. Lup hadn’t remembered liking any of his boyfriends. But she hadn’t thought Sazed would be anything special. Sure, Taako had some sort of thing for absolute douchebags, but it wouldn’t be bad. He wouldn’t be stupid. They were almost fifteen, for god's sake. 

God. Lup had been an idiot. 

“What time is it?” Taako asked. He stretched, cracking his back and shoulders. His collar bones popped out at the motion. He was so skinny. She was skinny as well. When they lived with their aunt, they could comfortably share a twin bed, even at ten years old. 

“Almost ten,” Lup responded. Taako was way slighter than her now. Especially with her wacked out hormone situation. For the past few years, Lup had been nicking black market estrogen and testosterone blockers, but they had become way harder to find once she had been detained. Thankfully, her body hadn’t completely reverted, and they still had some hormones left in the pill stash - they’d have to get more soon. It would be a pain in the ass to find new dealers, but she wasn’t too worried - so she would hopefully recover soon. Still, the unexpected fluctuation had caused her to gain a bit more weight. That explained why Taako looked so much thinner by comparison. “Do you want to grab breakfast?” She asked. 

He shrugged noncommittally. 

Lup sighed. “We’re going to have to face the music at some point. Can’t just stay locked up in here forever.”

He rolled his eyes. “Who knew juvie would turn you into such a pragmatist.”

She blew a raspberry at him, then silently steeled herself. Yesterday had been a whirlwind. Really, everything since she’d gotten out had been a whirlwind. But now the dust was starting to settle. It was time to assess how shitty the next few months of their lives were going to be. 

The hallway was covered in a variety of rugs, all of clashing textures and patterns. The stairs had an old runner about them that was probably a very intricate pattern at some point, but was now threadbare, posing more of a threat than it eliminated. Once one turned the corner from the stairs, they would find the living room, and the restaurant style cut out wall and counter combo that separated the living room from the kitchen. Through this window, Lup could see Merle Highchurch, his long gray hair in a knot on his head, wearing bright yellow oven mitts and whistling off key as he poked some eggs with a spatula. 

The house creaked, - that seemed to be its default state - alerting Merle to their presence. Lup tensed, and next to her, she felt Taako flinch almost imperceptibly. 

He turned around with a big smile. “Hey kiddos! Glad to see you up and at ‘em!” 

Lup offered back a weak smile. “Ha, yeah,” She said.

He turned off the stove and grabbed three plates, all seemingly from different sets of kitchenware, and set them down on the counter. Then he picked up the pan and dished the eggs on the plates. He grabbed three glasses as well, setting them down next to the plates. 

“Well?” He said. “Don’t just stand there like a couple a’ deer in headlights. Eat!” He motioned them towards the counter. Lup nudged Taako and they walked slowly to the counter, easing themselves onto the barstools. Surprisingly, the stools didn’t creak. Lup thought they smelled a bit like lavender. 

“Now,” Merle said, walking to the fridge and opening it. “I know it isn’t much,” He set down a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of milk in front of the twins. “But I’m thinkin’ after we go see Istus, the three of us’ll go out to a nice fancy lunch. We don’t got a lot of high end places in Moon, but the Davy Lamp’ll serve ya the best pulled pork sandwich known to man.” 

Lup slowly reached for the orange juice, pouring some into her glass. She filled Taako’s glass as well. 

“Whose Istus?” She asked. 

“Oh! Isabella Devine. Your new social worker.”

“New social worker?” Lup cocked an eyebrow. 

“Yeah. Pan operates out of Florida, so we gotta get someone checkin’ up on ya here. Istus is the only social worker in Moon, but she’s a damn good one. She takes care a’ Angus and Magnus as well.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Lup picked up the fork and took a bite of her eggs. They were fine. Kind of burnt, but she’d had way worse. 

“I’m not gonna poison ya, kid. I promise.” 

“What?” Lup asked. 

Merle chuckled. “Talking to your brother.” 

She glanced at Taako. He was staring at the eggs with laser intensity. She could tell even though he was looking at them, he wasn’t seeing them. His mind was somewhere far away. She hit him lightly on the arm. 

“‘Ko,” She mumbled. “Eat. They’re chill.” 

“Oh, right,” His voice was quiet. He picked up the fork, and slowly and methodically started shoveling the eggs into his mouth. Lup bit her lip. She thought about the night before, the way that he’d dumped his chai out into the sink. She and Taako had a lot of baggage, but they both loved food and cooking more than anything else. Sure, sometimes they didn’t trust anyone but themselves in regards to food preparation, but this was different. Something was up. She wished he would talk to her. It felt like he hadn’t talked to her in years. 

Merle was looking at Taako with something like pity. Lup glared. Taako didn’t need his pity. Neither of them did. Whatever game this guy was playing - making them breakfast, trying to act all nice and patient - it would wear off soon enough. They didn’t need anyone to save them or to fix them or to… whatever his fucking angle was. They just needed to survive until they were eighteen. 

She caught Merle’s eye and fixed him with a  _ Look _ . He sighed and the tips of his mouth quirked up as he returned his gaze to his food. 

The rest of the meal was had in relative silence. Taako ate about half his eggs and then silently slid the rest onto Lup’s plate. She responded by pouring the rest of her orange juice into his glass, a silent command for him to drink the rest of it because he had to get some nutrients in his body god damn it. 

Merle grabbed their plates and deposited them in the sink. He picked up a sticky note off of the faucet and chuckled to himself. 

“Look at this,” He said, turning to Lup and Taako. He sat down on the one of the barstools and read the note aloud in a bad imitation of Angus. “‘Dear Sir, Magnus broke the garbage disposal this morning by dropping a full lemon in it. He said he’ll fix it tonight, but judging by the time he tried to fix the leaky showerhead last March, I would say we should ask Mr. Waxmen or Mr. Davenport to do it. Also, I didn’t have time to do the dishes from breakfast because of the aforementioned garbage disposal incident. Sorry! Hope you have a good day, Love, Angus.’” He set the note down. “He leaves these things all over the house. ‘Dear Sir, I borrowed your book for an assignment. Will have it back soon! Love, Angus.’ I keep tellin’ him he doesn’t have to alert me everytime he breathes or shits or whatever, but he still does it. I think it’s got somethin’ to do with either his grandfather or his birth parents but… that’s not my business. Anyway, let’s get going. We’re takin’ the Mustang today. ‘Less you’d rather go on Magus’ bike.” 

Lup actually would’ve rather gone on Magnus’ bike. She and Taako’d made friends with a local biker gang when they were still living with their mom, and then had started learning to ride when they were living with their aunt. Taako had never liked it much - he preferred the horses on their grandfather’s farm (the horses were the only good thing on their grandfather’s farm), but Lup had taken to it like a house on fire. She like it almost as much as she liked regular fire. 

She’d met up with a girl in juvy who she’d known from a foster home who asked her if she was in for arson. She wasn’t - surprisingly - but the rumor had still spread. Which Lup didn’t mind. Arson seemed much more badass than assault. Besides, it was easier to lean into the fiction than deal with the reality. 


	7. vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more than half of this chapter is just the twins talking about how smart they are, and you know what? valid. also lucas is here and he sucks.

“Will you stop pining over Ms. Miller and  _ come on _ ,” Barry said, lightly tugging at Lucretia’s sleeve. He always complained that she took forever to leave their physics class. But Lucretia had a system. She couldn’t leave her backpack to get all messy. Barry was one of the messiest people she knew - he rivaled Magnus in that department. After sharing a bathroom for ten years they had fought over cleanliness too many times to count. 

“I am  _ not _ pining over our science teacher, Barry.” She hissed. “Also, be quiet. And if you’re so eager to leave you can just go without me.”

He rolled his eyes. She knew that wouldn’t happen. Barry was her best friend. He’d been her best friend since she moved to Moon at age five. She loved Magnus and Angus, and everyone else, but Barry had been her first friend. He’d been there for her after her parents died. So it was sad that she was going to have to stop talking to him over the fact he wouldn’t drop her crush on their science teacher. 

She zipped up her backpack and turned to him. 

“Besides, you’re one to talk about pining.”

“What do you mean?” 

Lucretia pushed up a pair of imaginary glasses and dropped her voice a few octaves. “Uh… uh… I’ll help you with your bags, Lup. You can slam the door in my face, Lup. My name is Barry Bluejeans do you want to see my collection of dead things? You could probably kill me but I don’t care cause I like the way your hair smells!” 

Barry flushed a deep crimson. He mumbled something unintelligible. Lucretia snickered. 

“What was that?” 

“Shuddup. You’re making me sound like a creep.” 

“You asked me if I could recognize her shampoo!” 

“I just! It… it was nice, okay? It’s not like I grabbed a fistful of her hair or anything I just caught a whiff -”

“While she was slamming the door in you face.”

“Well, Merle is the one who said we should try to make friends with them.”

“I don’t think that’s what he meant.” 

“What are we talking about?” A voice said from behind them. Lucretia groaned internally. 

“Hi Lucas,” She said. 

“Nothing Lucas,” Barry said. 

She wasn’t sure how their little group had been cursed with being kind of friends with Lucas Miller, but here they were. She didn’t understand how her favorite teacher could have such a prick for a son. But no matter how much she hated Lucas, Barry hated him more. She was surprised he even talked to him. 

Lucas was always trying to piggyback of off Barry’s experiments. Which was ironic, because at the same time he was constantly asserting himself as the smartest kid in school. 

They left the science portable and made their way towards the lunch table. Magnus had grabbed them extra plates of food - an ala carte salad for Lucretia and some french fries for Barry. 

Lucas pulled out a bento box from his backpack, because of course he did. Carey, the only actual Japanese person at the table, rolled her eyes. 

“So, do you know where they’re from?” Julia asked, looking at Magnus with rapt eyes. Lucretia wished the two of them would just bite the bullet and date already. Everyone knew that they liked each other. Well, everyone except them. 

Magnus smiled. “I think they’re from Florida,” He said. 

“You said there was a boy and a girl, right?” Killian asked. 

“Yeah,” Barry said, joining the conversation. “Taako and Lup.” 

“Barry is in love with Lup,” Magnus supplied. 

Barry went red. “In love?!” He squawked. “We just met!” 

“I don’t care about that,” Killian said. “Do you think she’d be down to join the Lady Martians?”

Killian was the captain of the schools rugby team, the Lady Martians. (“Why are the called the Martians when we’re  _ Moon _ view High School?” Lucretia would ask. “Better yet, why are they called the Lady Martians?” Magnus would say. “They’re aliens! They’re genderless, guys!”)

The Lady Martians were one of the only female sports left at the school, besides girls’ tennis and cheerleading, and it was constantly on the verge of falling apart. It didn’t help that their coach was totally clueless about the sport. He really only cared about football and wrestling - which was great for Magnus, as those were the sports he was involved in, but not so great for everyone else. 

“I dunno,” Magnus said. “Maybe. She didn’t look super muscley or anything, but looks can be deceiving.” 

“You said they’re starting tomorrow, right?” Avi asked. 

Magnus nodded. 

“Nice, nice. So, the real question is. Are either of them hot?” 

Johann’s face twisted up. Lucretia felt a pang of sympathy. She remembered at the end of her freshman year, when Johann he told her about his hopeless crush on his best friend Avi. It hadn’t seemed to dissipate at all over the years. 

“I don’t know!” Magnus said. “I don’t really… pay attention to that stuff.” 

“He’s otherwise occupied,” Carey said, not-so-subtly looking at Julia, who didn’t seem to notice. 

“They’re hot,” Lucretia said, in her factual deadpan. “Both of em. Like. Real hot.” 

“Nice.”

She rolled her eyes. “And they would eat you alive, Avi.” 

“Hey, maybe I’m into that -”

“Ah!” Julia cried out. “No! Don’t!”

“Vore joke!” Carey called. 

“Put money in the Vore Jar!” Magnus said. “Johann, get the Vore Jar!” 

Johann sighed and reached into his backpack, pulling out a small sippy cup that he’d stolen from one of his many siblings. The sharpie scrawled on its side proclaimed it the “Vore Jar.” It was filled mostly with coins and a few dollar bills. 

Julia had created last summer when the entire group got a little  _ too _ into making vore jokes. Now whenever anyone made a vore joke/vore mention they had to put an indeterminate amount of money in the Vore Jar. Everytime the jar was full they would all go to the 7/11 and buy as much junk food as they could. 

Avi sighed and dropped a few coins into the sippy cup. 

“Shouldn’t Lucretia have to drop some in as well. I mean, she did set me up for it.”

Before a debate could break out about Lucretia’s part in Avi’s sin, she handed Johann a dollar to drop in. 

“Anyway, Magnus,” Julia said. “How do you feel about new people coming to live in your house? I know that you were worried. Especially with Angus just getting comfortable and everything.” 

Magnus sighed. “I dunno. I mean. I know Merle. I knew that after Mookie went to college it was only a matter of time before he found someone to fill that extra bedroom. And, I mean, Merle’s great. And everyone deserves to have someone that cares about them as much as he will I just… for the first time in my life everything is like good and stable and shit. And I just don’t want it to get fucked up. And these kids have been to juvie. What if they’re, you know…” 

He trailed off, but Lucretia knew what he was going to fill in. What if they’re like me. 

She remembered how angry and violent Magnus had been when he’d first moved in with Merle, three years ago. She knew how much he regretted some of his actions and how torn up inside he was about the violence he thought lied within himself. He was so ashamed of his past, that besides her and Barry, Julia was the only other person at the table who knew he’d even been to juvie. And she only knew because Magnus’ work with her dad was the only way he’d stayed out of going back there. 

“It’s like, I can handle it, you know? I’ll be fine. But…”

“You’re worried about Angus,” Julia supplied. 

“Yeah. He’s been through so much, you know?”

Everyone nodded. All the teenagers loved Angus. He’d been simultaneously adopted as honorary little brother of everyone, even Johann, who already had like twelve younger siblings to worry about. 

“Wait hold on,” Lucas said. “What are we talking about?”

 

\---

 

Lup sat shotgun. Taako was relegated to the back. Merle’s car smelled like weed and oil. There were a bunch of various medical supplies scattered about. Taako picked up a stethoscope. 

“So, uh… what do you do?” 

Merle smiled. “Oh, I’m a nurse. And I moonlight as a chaplain. But, I’ve got a degree in biology. I do a lot of homeopathy, you know? I always keep medical supplies around the house because you know, sometimes people can’t afford to go to the hospital. So I try and help ‘em out. Kind of a jack of all trades.” 

“A chaplain?” Lup asked. 

“Yeah, kind of a religious -”

“No I know what a chaplain is,” She said. “What… religion are you?”

“Pagan. Pannite, specifically. But for chaplain-ing I’m sort of whatever, you know?” 

“Huh.”

Merle turned up the radio, some generic country song that Taako hated. 

They drove through the neighborhood, ramshackle houses blended into storefronts, they passed the downtown towards large suburban houses, which spread out into sprawling fields peppered with a few large McMansions. The pulled up in front of a large, stately, victorian style house with an immaculate lawn and a few expensive looking cars in the driveway. 

“Damn,” Lup said. “I should go into social work.” 

“Old Virginia money,” Merle said. “Izzy married into most of it, but she also had a nice political career before she moved onto social work. Used to be a Senator or some shit.” 

He got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him. Lup turned and glanced at Taako. 

“You good?” She asked. 

“‘Course. I’m always good.” 

They got out of the car, quickly catching up to Merle’s waddling figure. The three of the walked up the winding stone path. 

“I’m pretty sure this is the nicest place I’ve ever been,” Lup said underneath her breath. 

Taako laughed. “I feel like I’m gonna get thrown out.” 

Lup smiled. “Yeah. Like this Christmas lady is just gonna be like. ‘Oh. Oh no.’”

“‘Get out of here, gutter filth.’”

“Mood.” 

Merle grabbed the dark bronze knocker that ended in a small crown shape. He knocked three times. 

They heard three locks click. Taako felt Lup wrap her pinky around his. The door opened. A tall Native American looking woman with brown eyes and braided hair wearing a white dress and a cardigan that reminded Taako of a patchwork quilt was standing on the other side. 

“Merle!” She said, smiling. She had deep laugh lines. She opened her arms, pulling him into a hug. Her long sleeves flapped from the motion. He squeezed back. 

“Istus, this is -”

“Lup and Taako. So good to meet you.” She turned her smile on them. She had kind eyes that reminded Taako of their Aunt. 

“Alright, well. I’ve got a quick errand to run, so I’ll meet you back here in… an hour?” Merle said. 

“An hour should be good,” Istus said. 

Merle smiled at Taako and Lup before turning back down the path and getting in the car. 

“Come in, come in,” Istus said. They walked in. Taako noticed the foyer was peppered with fancy pictures of a young boy with vitiligo. “My name is Isabella, you can call me Istus.” 

She lead them through the living room and into a small parler that had a few plush chairs and an ornate desk that held papers, a computer, and a tray with cookies and steaming mugs. 

“Would either of you mind if I lit a bit of incense?” She asked. 

Taako glanced at Lup. She shrugged. “Uh, no,” He said. “Knock yourself out.”

“Wonderful,” She smiled, patting at her cardigan. “Now where, oh! There they are.” She pulled out a box of “Smiling Raven Matches” and lit a stick of incense that sat on a filing cabinet. 

She sat down behind the desk, typing some words into the computer. 

“So,” She said, turning to the two of them, her fingers steepled. “Taako and Lup. Why don’t you tell me about yourselves?”

“Don’t you have our file?” Taako asked. 

Istus shrugged. “Files don’t tell the whole story. Besides, yours has some… significant gaps. Unfortunately that is far too common. We’ll deal with that later on.” 

“Well,” Lup said. “We’ve been in the system since we were eight. Our last living relative on our mom’s side died when we were twelve, and we don’t know who our dad was, so no dice there. I got sent to juvie a year ago, and Taako got taken in six months later. Now we’re here, for some reason.” 

“I know all that,” Istus said, waving it away. “What are you dreams? Your aspirations? Your favorite colors?” 

“Is this really necessary?” Taako asked. 

“How about this,” Istus said. “Would you say that you’re bad kids?” 

Taako shrugged. “I guess,” He said. 

“Well I wouldn’t. I don’t think there are any bad kids. I know a lot of kids here in Moon who’ve had some pretty rough goes of it. And I understand that you don’t trust me yet, but I hope that someday you will. So, if you want to skip the small talk, we can, but I’m always here if you want to talk.” 

The twins stared at her blankly. 

“Okay then. Let’s see… Lup. You’ve got an armed assault charge with a non-deadly weapon?”

Lup nodded. 

“What was the situation around that?”

“Don’t you have the notes?” 

“They’re pretty… barebones. Not a lot of detail.”

“Not a lot that happened. I attacked a guy with a knife.”

“Why?” 

“He pissed me off.”

Istus sighed. “This said that he was a nineteen year old man named Sazed Garcia who claimed that you two broke into his house and attacked him?” 

Taako took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about that night. Didn’t want to think about Sazed or Lup or anything. 

Lup nodded. 

“But, Taako, you were the one called nine-one-one.” 

“Um, yes,” Lup said. 

“Why is -”

“Can we change the subject?” Lup asked, her voice strained. Taako was tensed up to hell and back, trying to breathe deeply without anyone noticing. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Yes, I, suppose so,” Istus said. “Taako,”

Taako didn’t respond. 

“Taako are you alright?”

Taako exhaled. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine. Great. One hundred percent. Whatcha need?”

“You were charged for underage drinking and attempted theft of a jewelry store, yes?” 

He bit the inside of his cheek. “Yeah.” 

“And what were the circumstances around that?” 

“Got drunk, saw a shiny, fucked up.” He glanced at Lup. “I didn’t have anyone to watch my back.” 

“Okay,” Istus said. “And, the two of you both served your sentences in full, yes? So no parole officers?” 

“No.”

“Good, because between you and me, the guy who runs the parole office is an ass.” 

Taako smiled a bit at that. It was a step up to have a social worker who lit incense and cursed and held meetings in her house instead of in a stuffy office in a strip mall. 

“Anyway, we’ll need to do all the standard procedures, dentist appointments and doctor’s checkups and such. It says here that you two haven’t been to the dentist in - Jesus, two years? I also don’t seem to have any medical records on here that are recent enough to be viable. Lup, this says that you were diagnosed with ADHD when you were ten but the prescription was never filled. And Taako, this says you were diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and acute anxiety when you were first taken into the state’s custody but there was never any therapy or follow up on that.”

She pressed a key. 

“And, this is weird, but… I don’t have any medical information on you, Lup. Taako I have a checkup from you when you were twelve, but nothing from Lup… ever.” 

“Oh,” Lup said, in a voice that Taako called her “lying voice”. Because she was lying. “That’s weird.” 

“We’ll set up an appointment with a doctor for like, next week.” 

“Great.” 

“And then for the first few months or so, you two and I will meet up every other week. After three months, we’ll just meet once a month, and then after six months I’ll just come by the house to check on all you kids every three months.” 

Taako nodded, doubting that they would be there for long enough for any of that to matter. 

“Alright, well, any questions you have for me?”

Taako glanced at Lup and cocked his eyebrow like “standard protocol?” 

She nodded. 

“Yeah. What does our class schedule at school look like?” 

“Ummm,” She said, typing something into the computer. “Well, you’re meeting with Paloma, the school counselor, tomorrow before school starts, she’ll give your schedules and probably have Magnus help you find your classes, but I guess I can pull them up for you.” She clicked something. “Let’s see. I made sure you had the same schedules so, first period, remedial algebra, second period, remedial english eleven, third period, drawing one, lunch, fourth period, United States History, fifth period, remedial general sciences, sixth period, study hall, and seventh period, Spanish one.” 

Taako tried to hold in a laugh. 

“Yeah, no,” Lup said. “That’s not gonna work.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“You wanted to know stuff about us, right?” Lup asked. 

“Uh, yes?”

“Well Taako and I are going to go to Cornell University. Then we’re going to work for the IPRE. Do you know the IPRE?”

“Isn’t it a private space exploration program? The interplanetary -”

“The Institute of Planetary Research and Exploration,” Lup said.

“So, remedial classes are not going to work. We’ll take whatever tests and shit you need but we’re gonna need like… calculus? Advanced calculus? We’re great at math, natch, so whatever the highest math class you have we’ll do that. Then... A.P. English. A.P. Literature? Or college English? Whichever.”

“I’ll take band for whichever elective credit we’re required to have,” Lup said. 

“And I’ll take home etc.” 

“Then we’ll need A.P. U.S. History,” 

“Natch,”

“And A.P. Physics or engineering or whatever -”

“And some sort of chemistry class.”

“We already took A.P. Biology but we need as many science credits as you can give us.”

“We won’t need study hall.”

“We’re not fuckin’ suckers.” 

“Then we’ll just test out of whatever languages you have until we find one we don’t know.” 

“I know French, Italian, Spanish, and ASL,” Lup said, ticking them off on her hands. 

“And I know French, Italian, Spanish, ASL, Dutch, Russian, and Icelandic. And like, a little bit of Yiddish, but not enough that I’m confident in it.”

“Taako’s an overachiever.”

“Fuck off.”

“You learned Icelandic on a dare, you fuck off.”

“You’re the one who dared me to learn Icelandic!”

Lup rolled her eyes. “Anyway, if the school offers German, that’d be dope.” 

“Or Latin!” Taako said. “I’ve really been wanted to learn latin. Building blocks of most languages and all that.” 

“I also feel like our lexicon is very western-centric so if they offer like, Hindu or Chinese or Japanese or whatever that’d be dope as hell.” 

“But if they just have like, French and Spanish we can just take another science class.” 

“Or like, theatre or some shit.” 

“We gotta present a varied and diverse competence in a multitude of subjects.” 

Istus looked like she’d just been hit by a train. 

“I’ll, um, I’ll email Paloma. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you two have such lofty aspirations. Of course, I don’t want to set you up to be disappointed or overwhelmed. These are very difficult classes you’re talking about -”

“We can take it,” Lup said. 

“And it may be difficult to convince the school -”

“We can be very convincing.” 

“This is important,” Lup said. “After losing a fucking year to shitty juvie school, we need to get back into gear.”

“You kids know that Cornell is a very difficult university to get into -”

“Yeah. Duh.”

“That’s why we’re going there.” 

Istus blinked. Taako thought for a moment they’d gone too far. Usually their outburst of self confidence bullied whoever they were working with into submission and they would either get immediately put into their preferred classes or at least get a chance to prove themselves, but maybe this time it had gone south. Then, Istus smiled. 

“I’ll email Paloma right away. And if you ever need any help, just call me up. Me and my spouse are both former senators, and we’d be happy to meet with your and write recommendation letters.” 

Lup smiled. Taako did too. 

“Dope,” She said. 

“Thanks, my dude.” 

Istus stood up, leading them out the door. “It was wonderful to meet you two. If you ever need anything, here’s my cell phone number,” She handed them each a small business card. “Don’t hesitate to call. I’ll see you in a few weeks.” 

She opened the door for them. Merle was waiting in the driveway, his car idling. As Taako looked once more at Istus’ smiling face, he started to think that maybe this town wouldn’t be too bad. 

Maybe. Probably not. More information needed. 


	8. viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if griffin won't give us that good good angus/barry interaction, then i will. 
> 
> A L S O 
> 
> someone mentioned playlists in a comment on the last chap, so i thought i'd share my playlist for this fic with y'all. it's a mess of weird sad indie music and stuff from the 70s so that's fun. check it out if ye want. https://open.spotify.com/user/greeneggsandham_24/playlist/0DohaY6lXopKSIdEM2Ga96?si=WWe2rtOoQTGImMrQ8NFJow

Taako forced Lup into the back seat on the ride to the Davy Lamp. It was a small restaurant in downtown that was western themed but not obnoxiously in your face about it. When the walked in, Lup noticed Merle carrying a small white plastic bag with him.

“Hey, Gerblin Man!” Someone called as they entered.

Lup turned to see a stocky woman with a thick red braid walking towards them. She was wearing an apron with the Davy Lamp logo on it.

“Hello, Cassidy!” Merle said. He turned to the twins. “Cassidy owns the joint. Her nephew Jack is on the football team with Magnus, and her niece June is friends with Angus.”

Lup nodded. She wondered if Merle knew everyone in this town.

“Who’re these two?” She asked.

“Lup and Taako,” Merle said. “They’re stayin’ with me for awhile.”

“Well, any friend o’ Merle’s is a friend a’ mine.” She pulled Lup and Taako into a bone crushing and extremely uncomfortable hug. She smelled vaguely like rootbeer.

“You two take any seat you want, an’ I’ll set ya up with a family discount.”

“Thanks, Cassidy,” Merle said. He lead Lup and Taako to a booth. Lup slid in first, squishing herself up against the wall. Taako slid in after her, their legs pressing together. He always liked to be on the outside, ready to grab Lup and make a quick getaway.

“Alright,” Merle said. “Now, I have somethin’ for ya. It’s not a big deal, but,” He put the white bag on the table. “Seeing as you’re both modern teenagers, I thought I’d need to get you some phones.”

He pulled out two iPhone boxes and set them in front of the twins.

Lup’s eyebrows shot up. Sure, most foster parents bought their kids phones if they didn’t have one, it was impossible to get ahold of them (or track them) without one. But you don’t just buy someone the newest generation of iPhone. And not even second hand or someone else’s old phone. A new phone. She knew from the neighborhood Merle lived in, the nature of his house, and the type of job he had that this wasn’t any small expense. Somewhere, her heart betrayed her by swelling with warmth.

“Uh,”

“Shit man,” Taako said, picking up the box and staring at it like it was about to disappear.

“Thanks,” Lup spluttered.

Merle shrugged. “Yeah, well. I didn’t know what kind of cases y’all wanted, so I just grabbed some that I thought would fit. Taako,” He handed Taako a silver case with pink sparkles. “And Lup,” A black case with tacky flame decals. The exact kind of shit she loved.

“How did…”

Merle smiled. “I’m good at giving gifts. And I might’ve texted Angus for help with the cases. He’s a perceptive little shit.” The jab at Angus didn’t feel like a jab. Merle’s voice was far too fond.

Lup pulled the phone out of its box, examining it.

“Well,” Merle said, “Go ahead. Check it out. Set it up. Do all that shit you kids do.”

Lup smiled and she and Taako helped each other turn on the phones. The created contacts for each other, labelled as “Shitser,” and “Bother,” because they were cute like that. Lup created a contact for Istus, “Caselady,” and for Merle, “Foster Merle.”

He stuck his tongue out and did a cheesy peace sign for the contact picture.

Cassidy served them some sandwiches, and Lup and Taako started lightheartedly arguing about what could make them better. (“You can’t add hot sauce to everything, Lup!” “Just fuckin’ watch me!” “Taako, garlic is the last thing to put on this sandwich. It would totally fuck up the taste of the bread.” “No, it would compliment it, Lulu, you hack.” “Well, there’s no accounting for taste.”)

Taako only ate half of his sandwich and a few of his fries, but Lup didn’t say anything.

It was… nice.

 

\---

 

The initial ride home on the Starblaster was much less crowded than the ride to school. Carey, Killian, and Julia all had rugby, Magnus had football, and Lucretia had debate. Or maybe art club? Or possibly the school paper. Or student government, for which she was the chronicler. Sometimes she had the writing club as well. She was very involved.

So it was only Barry, Avi, Johann and Angus on the way back. Barry would have to go back and pick everyone up at five, and Angus would probably come with, because Barry was a very nervous driver.

Angus sat in the passenger seat, helping guide Barry and also trying to calm his nerves. Avi and Johann were in the middle row, since them sitting in their assigned seats on the way home was kind of pointless.

“Johann,” Barry said. “I thought you were going to join orchestra this year?”

Johann sighed sadly. “I can’t,” He said. “My mom needs me to look after the kids.” He glumly patted his violin case. “Best violinist in the school and no one will ever hear it. Fuckin’ Lydia Winder will probably get first chair. Again.” He sounded like he was about to cry. “It’s fine though. Two more years then it’s goodbye Moon, hello Carnegie Mellon.”

“Damn right,” Avi said. “‘Sides, everyone knows Lydia’s a hack. She only gets first chair cause she bribed Mr. Joe.”

“I thought she slept with him?” Barry said.

“Nah,” Johann said. “That was just a rumor.”

“A rumor I’m pretty sure Miss Lucretia started,” Angus said. “But you didn’t hear it from me.”

“Lucy wouldn’t do that!” Avi said.

“Having known her longer than almost anyone else in the world, I have to say, yeah. She would,” Barry said. “The Winder twins fucked her up from middle school to freshman year. They tormented her endlessly. Davenport had to call in a meeting with the principal. It was nuts. After she came out of her shell, she’s gone through great lengths to fuck em up just as bad. Which like. Good riddance. They literally stole my science fair project in sixth grade, crossed out my name, and slapped their name onto it. Fuck them.” He paused. “Luce didn’t start that particular rumor, though. She doesn’t slut shame.”

Angus nodded. “Then someone on my intel team is faulty. Just goes to show that if you want good work done, you have to do it yourself.”

“Anyway,” Johann said. “What about you, Barry. Weren’t you going to join the science club this year? And the robotics club?”

“I _was_ ,” Barry said. “‘Til Lucas fucking ousted me as president. Now I’m not having anything to do with it out of spite.”

“That’s not going to help you get into that fancy space program, man,” Avi said. “The… what the fuck is it called? The I...Q... B….seven?”

Barry rolled his eyes. “IPRE.”

“Ah yes,” Johann said sagely. “Ipré. My favorite french cheese.”

“See, they need a better name,” Avi said. “Something with pizazz. Something like…”

“The Bureau of Balance?” Johann asked wryly.

“Oh fuck you!” Barry said from the front seat.

Angus knew that “The Bureau of Balance” was what they had called their gang in fourth grade when it was just Lucretia, Avi, Johann, Barry, and Killian. They had all decided they were going to pull a big robin hood operation where they would take the wealth and power from the evil people and give it to poorer people who actually deserved it. That was how they’d bring balance to the world. Everyone made fun of it now, and it was far disbanded by the time Angus had come along, but he thought it was cute. They way they’d all been idealistic and righteous.

“Ah, Waterdeep Heights,” Johann said, staring at his apartment complex. “My great white whale. Someday, I will escape you.”

“You know, you could come hang out with us?” Barry said.

Johann shook his head. “Gotta babysit.” Johann was the oldest of seven children (Angus and Avi were the only ones who could ever remember the exact number). His mother was in her early thirties, a single mother, and way overworked. She worked at the Costco, which was actually in the next town over, and was gone all the time. She enlisted Johann to help with his multitude of siblings.

“We could come in with you?” Barry said.

Johann went crimson and shook his head. In their little gang of poor people, Johann was probably the least well off. He was deeply embarrassed of his apartment, and rarely let anyone in it. Except Avi. Avi never talked about the specifics of his situation, but everyone kind of got the impression that anywhere was better than his house.

“Alright, well. Call if you need anything, ‘kay?”

“Yeah.” Johann jumped out of the car and disappeared into the houses.

“Avi?” Barry asked. Avi sighed and shook his head.

“My dad,” He said. “He needs me home.”

Barry bit his lip and nodded. He stepped on the gas and they drove the short distance to Avi’s house. It was old, practically falling apart. And not in the way Merle’s house was falling apart. Angus was worried that Avi’s roof would cave in on them at the next heavy storm. It reminded him of some of his more difficult foster homes. Times when he would wonder if people were even bothering to inspect places to see if they were good for kids.

“Later, y’all,” Avi said, hopping out of the car. Angus and Barry watched as he walked into the house, the door rattling in its frame as it closed after him.

“Alright Angus,” Barry said. “Home?”

Angus shrugged. “That’s alright with me, Sir.”

“You don’t have to call me sir, Angus.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Barry shrugged and plugged in his phone to the speakers, playing some heavy metal screamo that he sung along with under his breath.

“Oh shit!” He said, stopping in the middle of one of the backroads, right in front of some roadkill. He reached into his backpack and pulled out some gloves, a tupperware, and a plastic bag. “Don’t tell Lucretia,” He said, getting out of the car and carefully loading the roadkill into the plastic bag and then into the tupperware. He set it in the back of the car, seatbelting it in, and then got back in the front seat.

“That’s really fucking weird, Sir,” Angus said when Barry got back in the car.

“I mean, yeah, maybe, but I’m a scientist, Angus. It’s what I do.”

“Merle and Mr. Davenport are both also scientists and I’m almost positive they don’t collect roadkill.”

“Davenport is an engineer. He’s basically a really smart mechanic. He doesn’t need the kind of stuff I do. And Merle is a biologist.”

“I thought you wanted to be a biologist and an engineer?”

“I want to be a bioengineer and a biochemist. A synthetic biologist. Not a fuckin’ mechanical engineer or a botanist. It’s completely different.”

“See, this is why I want to be a detective. It’s simple and easy. What are you? A detective. The World’s Greatest Detective. No qualms about what you mean by that.”

Barry smirked. “I thought you wanted to be a wizard?”

Angus went beet red. “That was… I was ten when I said that and I told you that in confidence! I’m eleven now and. I mean. I know I can't be a wizard. If magic was real, maybe, but…” He shook his head.

“It’s okay, Angus,” Barry said. “I get it. When I was your age, my mom used to tell me that my dad was some sort of vampire from a secret dimension in the Monongahela National Forest and that the reason we moved out of Kepler when I was a baby was so that no one find out about my existence.”

Angus laughed. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Did you ever believe it?”

Barry laughed. “No. But it was a fun story. It would make a good book. I mentioned that to my mom one day, writing a book based off that story and she got all fuckin weird so. Whatever. Wonder where Merle is.”

Merle’s bright green monstrosity of a car was absent from the driveway.

“Are you coming over?” Angus asked.

“Yeah,” Barry said. “I’ll be there in a sec. I gotta get this baby in the fridge first.” He gestured to the tupperware. Angus shook his head and pushed himself out of the car, the soles of his tennis shoes hitting the asphalt with a thump.

He walked into the house, the door was never locked, and was surprised to see Lup and Taako sitting on the dark green couch. They were each pushed up against an armrest, with their feet and legs tangled together in the middle of the couch. Taako was reading a book, while Lup was looking at something on her phone and fiddling with a lighter.

“Hey… guys,” Angus said. Lup looked up from her phone and leaned her head back.

“Hey… _Angus_?”

“Got it in one,” Angus said. “Whatcha reading, Taako?”

“I’m not reading,” Taako responded, turning a page.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Absinthe,” Lup said. Angus realized she was talking to him, and quietly resigned himself to a life of nicknames from the twins.

“Yeah?”

“You got a phone?”

“Yeah?”

“Shit man!” She said. “You’re like a baby! You don’t need a phone!”

“Um?”

“Gimme them digits.”

“Oh, okay,” Angus took the phone that Lup held out to him. Suddenly, another phone was thrown into Lup’s lap. She pressed her finger to it, unlocking it and handing it to him. “Taako wants them as well.”

Taako did not seem to have moved at all.

“Hey Angus, you forgot to close the door… oh. Um. H-Hi, Lup. Taako.”

Taako flicked his head up in acknowledgement.

“Hey, Barold.” Lup flashed him a dazzling smile.

“It’s, uh, Barry, actually. Just Barry,” Barry said, his face flushing scarlett.

“Um, are you sure?”

He giggled nervously. “Yeah, I… I’m pretty? I’m pretty sure.”

“Hm. Cause I’m pretty sure that Barry is short for Barold.”

“I don’t think that? Barry is short for anything?”

“Really? That sounds fake.”

“No… I… uh… wh-what?”

Lup shrugged and grabbed her and Taako’s phones from Angus. “Anyway. Lemme get them good good number boys, babe.”

Angus thought that Barry might actually faint because Lup called him babe. He wasn’t sure if it would make it worse or better that “babe” was probably something she called everyone, as he was pretty sure he’d heard her call Taako babe last night.

Barry put in his number then handed Lup back the phones.

“Oh dunk,” She said, looking at the contacts. “You didn’t put in a picture.”

“Oh, sorry I -”

“There we go!” She said, quickly snapping two pictures. “Well,” She distangled her legs from Taako’s and stood up. He dog-eared his book page and followed suit. “We’ll get out of your hair then. Um, call us for dinner.” She stared towards the stairs.

“Later, skaters,” Taako said, following his sister.

“Wait!” Barry called out. They both stopped and turned to him, brows raised. “You… you guys don’t have to like, leave. You know, not, not on our account. You can, stay down here if you want.”

“Oh,” Lup said, looking truly surprised. “Um. Okay.”

She and Taako looked at each other. They had a quick twin communication that Angus didn’t understand, and then walked back to the couch, with Taako perching himself on the armrest and Lup leaning against him, her skinny legs pulled up to her chest. They stared at Angus with matching brown and green eyes.

A thick awkward silence settled over the room.

“So,” Angus said. “What did you guys do today?”

“Oh, you know,” Taako said, shrugging.

“Actually I don’t know. That’s why I asked.”

“We met up with the social worker, then we got food with Merle, then we came back here,” Lup said.  

“Where is Merle?” Angus asked.

“Um… he went to pick someone up from the airport. Said he’d be back in like a hour or an hour and half.”

“Oh, he must be picking up Davenport,” Barry said. “He’s getting in today.”

Both Davenport and Barry’s mother Marlene worked at a commercial airline. Davenport was a pilot, he used to be a captain in the military and occasionally still worked as an air force engineer. Marlene was a flight attendant.

“Who’s Davenport?” Lup asked. Angus saw Taako shoot her a look he couldn’t comprehend. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, he’s Lucretia’s godfather. She, Davenport, me, and my mom all live in the house across the street. He and Merle are best friends,” Barry said.

Barry’s phone chimed. He was one of the only people Angus knew under thirty who didn’t keep his phone on vibrate at all times.

“Shit,” He said, looking at it. “I gotta go pick everyone up from school. Angus, you comin’?”

Angus nodded.

He turned to Lup and Taako, a light rose dusting his cheeks. “Do you guys want to come as well?”

They turned to each other, communicating silently once again.

“Sure thing, kemosabe,” Taako said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, here's that playlist link if ur interested
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/greeneggsandham_24/playlist/0DohaY6lXopKSIdEM2Ga96?si=WWe2rtOoQTGImMrQ8NFJow


	9. ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup and taako meet the gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains unreality and allusions to child neglect, as well as a character having a flashback.

Taako and Lup followed Barry and Angus out of the house. He’d be surprised when Merle had left them alone. He knew that the two of them were considered flight risks, and you usually don’t leave flight risks alone, especially when there’s a cherry red motorcycle conveniently parked in the driveway. Maybe it was that level of trust that made them barely even consider skipping out. 

“You know,” Taako had said. “We could totally just fuckin’ dip.”

“On Magnus’ bike?” Lup replied. 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Then they had gone back to chillin’. 

They walked to the giant silver suburban parked in the driveway across the street. “Do either of you want to drive?” Barry asked, almost hopefully.

“We’re good,” Taako said. Lup interlocked her fingers with his. He knew she was embarrassed. Neither of them knew how to drive. No one had ever bothered to teach them how. Besides, they’d both been in juvie since before their sixteenth birthdays. 

“We don’t need to drive cars,” Lup had said when they were fifteen, one of the few times that Sazed had been okay with them hanging out in private. “We’re gonna drive fuckin’ spaceships. Cars are for nerds.” 

Barry slid into the front seat. 

Taako got in the passenger seat. Barry stared at him agape. 

“What?” Taako said. 

“We just… there’s a…”

“We have a system,” Angus said. “Kind of like, assigned seats?”   
Taako furrowed his brow, his defensiveness taking over. “Well if you don’t have room for us, we can just fucking stay at the house -”

“No!” Angus said. “It’s fine. Right Barry?” 

Barry quickly recovered. “Um, yeah! It’s fine.”

“Sometimes change is good.” 

Lup got in the seat behind Taako. “Is this okay?” She said. Taako heard the notes of insecurity in her voice. It immediately set off his fight or flight response. He hated it when his sister felt insecure. 

“Yeah,” Barry said. “It’s totally fine! Sorry for making a big deal.” 

Angus got in the seat next to Lup. 

Barry started driving. After about thirty seconds, Lup said, “Jesus! It’s like a hearse in here. Taki, put on some music.” She handed Taako her phone. Taako knew that Lup couldn’t stand quiet. 

“How’d you get Spotify premium?” He asked. 

“I memorized Pan’s card when he paid for lunch on the way here. It’s like eight bucks a month, I don’t think he’ll mind.” 

“I’m sure that you could ask Merle and he’d just get if for you guys?” Barry said. “I mean, Magnus has it so…” 

Lup shrugged. Taako plugged in the phone and put on one of the playlists Lup had spent the last few hours making. Stuff like “Banger Ass Classic Violin,” “In The Mood To Wreck Shit,” “Depressed As Fuck,” “Bangers, Bops, And Jams,” “Mushy Quiet Sad Times,” “Rap That Goes Hard,” “Hella 80s,” “Good Good Rock,” and “Mom and Auntie.” 

He clicked on “Bangers, Bops, and Jams,” and Sammi Lanzetta’s “Circles” came on. 

Taako had to agree that it was, indeed, a jam. 

Taako saw Barry open his mouth a few times as they drove, some sort of beginning of an attempt at conversation, but he never actually said anything. The drive to school was relatively short, though the car made lots of jerky and difficult movements. Taako wasn’t sure if that was because of the vehicle or the driver. 

Moonview High School was just as uninteresting as the first time Taako had seen it. It was a large, white, cinderblock building that reminded him of a brick of tofu. 

Sitting outside of Tofu Brick on paint (and probably other, less desirable substances) stained stairs were a gaggle of high school girls, one of whom Taako recognized as Lucretia. She was saying something, a solemn look on her face. When she finished talking, the other three girls busted out laughing. 

To Taako’s shock and horror, Barry stopped the car, turned the key, and got out, going to meet the girls on the steps. Angus followed. 

Taako turned around in his seat and looked at his sister. 

“So,” He said. “Options. We could just stay here and let everyone think we’re anti social weirdos -”

“Or,” Lup said. “We could go out there and then they’d know we were anti social weirdos.” 

Their debate was cut short by someone tapping on Taako’s window. He ignored it at first, but then it came again, more persistent. Taako twisted back around and - after failing to roll down the window - opened the door. 

“Can I help you?”

“Hi!” Said the tapper. She was one of the girls from the steps. She had dark skin, though not as dark as Lucretia’s, curly black hair pulled back by a red bandana, and was wearing a yellow sundress. Her cheeks were slightly ruddy. “I’m Julia! You must be Taako and Lup. I’m a friend of Magnus.” 

Taako nodded. “Right. Cool.” 

He went to shut the door, but Julia grabbed the handle. 

“I was wondering if you guys wanted to come and hang out with us? I know it gets really hot in the Starblaster when you leave it off.”

“Starblaster?” Lup asked, incredulous. 

Julia giggled. “Yeah. Lucy named it when she was like… five.” She flashed a charismatic smile. “Anyway, I promise we’re not gonna like… eat you.” She paused. “Unless you ask.” She winked. 

“VORE JOKE!” Someone yelled from behind her. Julia started, and turned to the giant Samoan girl behind her. 

“Shit,” She said, digging into her sundress pocket. “I thought you wouldn’t catch that one.”

“The Vore Police never rest,” The girl said. Her long black hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was wearing some sort of athletics uniform. She turned to the inside of the car, after accepting a dollar and some change from Julia. 

“Hey, I’m Killian. Friend of the family. Taako and Lup, right.” 

“Jesus,” Taako said. “Do you people have a newsletter or something?” 

“We have a groupchat,” Julia said. “So basically, yeah.” 

“Well, I can tell that you people are just going to keep coming over here until we go over there, and cha’boy gets claustrophobic, so, let’s go, I guess.” 

 

\---

 

Lup slid out of the car, sidling up next to Taako and interlocking their pinkies. 

“I love your outfit!” Julia said, smiling at Lup. Lup felt blood creep up her cheeks. She was always wary of new people perceiving her, especially with her post-juvie hormone withdrawal body. Also, she knew that she had A Look going on, but the stare of other girls could make her feel constantly self conscious and turn some banger ass shabby chic ensemble into “just rolled out of a thrift store bargain bin and not in a good way.” But Julia at least seemed genuine.

“Where did you get those leggings?” 

“I stole them from a church lost and found,” Lup said. 

Julia laughed. Her laugh was loud and unapologetic. “That’s awesome. We’ve  _ got _ to go shopping together.” 

“Haha, um, yeah.” 

Lup glanced at Taako, who looked at her like “I don’t know what the fuck is going on either, my dude.” 

They reached the steps. “Okay,” Julia said, lightly touching Lup’s arm, which made her jump. “So, you already know Killian, but that’s Carey, they’re dating but it’s SRO.” 

“SRO?” Taako asked.

“Starblaster Riders Only. It’s a secret outside of the friend group.” 

Lup furrowed her eyebrows. “Then why are you telling us?”

“You’re Maggie’s family now, silly. That means you get automatic access to all the secrets.” 

“You’re… you’re not a foster kid, are you,” Taako said. 

“No?” Julia said. 

“Figures.” 

“Okay. Um, anyway, you already know Lucy, and Barry, and Angus and Magnus, of course, and we’ll get to introduce you to Avi and Johann whenever y’all start school. Lucas is kind of there too, but he’s a dick, and we don’t like him. He’s not in the group chat.” 

“Julia, stop manhandling them,” The other girl, Carey, called from the steps. “You’re gonna scare ‘em off.” 

Julia let go of Lup and sat down next to Carey. “I am not manhandling them. I’m being friendly. It’s not my fault the rest of y’all are anti social dweebs.” 

“Dweebs?” Carey said. “What is this, middle school?” 

“No one says ‘dweeb,’ Julia,” Angus said. “Not even in middle school.” 

“I think Julia’s right,” Lucretia said. “Y’all’re dweebs.” 

“Oh shit!” Julia said. “Magnus owes me five bucks!” 

“Why do I owe you five bucks?!” Magnus yelled. He had just rounded around the corner of the school, and was wearing a sweaty football uniform.  _ Of course he plays football _ , Lup thought. 

“I got Lucretia to say ‘dweeb’!” 

“No! Really? And I missed it?!” 

“What is happening?” Barry asked. 

Magnus caught up to them, taking a few breaths. “Julia bet me five bucks she could get Lucretia to say ‘dweeb,’ ‘dorkus,’ or ‘dink’ within the next fortnight.” 

“Pay up big boy.” 

“How ‘bout I just pay for your blizzard next time we go to Dairy Queen?” 

“Deal.” 

Lup wondered if the two of them were dating. 

“I can’t believe you’re making bets about me,” Lucretia said. “That’s so exploitative! I thought we were friends!” 

“Oh, shit, no, Lucy!” Julia said. 

“We love you, it was just a joke. I’ll pay for your Blizzard, too! Just not on the same day, I don’t have that kind of cash.” 

Lucretia cracked a small smile. “I’m just kidding, ya dinks.” 

“It just sounds wrong coming out of her mouth,” Killian remarked. 

“Wrong, but also so, so right,” Carey said. 

Carey noticed Lup staring at them, as she couldn’t help but stare, and winked. Lup quickly turned her eyes back to the only safe and familiar thing - Taako. 

“So,” Lucretia said, turning to Taako and Lup. “You guys can sit in Avi and Johann’s seats on the Starblaster for now, since they’re home already. Tomorrow morning we’ll figure out the new arrangement.” 

“God,” Taako said. “You people and seating arrangements. Why does it matter so much?” 

Lucretia bristled. Lup imagined if she’d been holding a pencil it would’ve snapped in half. “I just. I. I like having things be orderly.” 

“It’s her car,” Magnus said, standing behind Lucretia. “She can do what she wants.” 

Lup glanced at Taako, and then she glanced at Magnus, and was hit by the sudden realization that if Taako started shit Lup was going to have to finish it because it was her job as his sister to punch people for him but also there was no way in hell she could take Magnus, at least not just in a strength contest, and Lucretia was their ride back and she probably wouldn’t appreciate it if Lup punched Magnus they’d be stranded there and have to call Merle and tell him what happened which would be the worst thing, but she’d still punch him if Taako needed it because Lup was just that ride or die. Thankfully Taako backed down with nothing but a murmured “yeah, okay, fine,” and no punching took place. 

Rather, Lup and Taako were directed to the back row of the Starblaster, where they too the middle and rightmost seat respectively.

Lucretia got into the driver’s seat, and started the car, but not before she pulled in her phone and started playing something that Lup recognized as being by Joni Mitchell. 

Lup’s mom used to listen to Joni Mitchell. 

Lup had this thing, about music. She knew that Taako had it as well, but not as bad. Sometimes, when Lup heard a song, it would pull her back to another time she was hearing a song. She would fall into a memory. Usually, these memories were shitty, because most things that had happened in Lup’s life were shitty. 

Reflexively, she grabbed onto Taako’s wrist, holding him like he was a lifeline that could pull her out before she fell into the murky pool of the past. But he couldn’t save her. She was drawn into a memory. 

 

\---

 

Lup and Taako are four years old, sitting on the floor of their old house in Haverdale. They’re dirty, dressed in the same miss matched clothes they’d been wearing for a few days now. Joni Mitchell is playing on their mom’s old radio. 

Lup’s mom is singing along, her voice is low and husky. 

_ “I wish I had a river, I could skate away on…”  _

Mom is feeling good today. She got out of bed and took a shower. She even did her makeup. Then she told Lup and Taako that she would take them to the park later. It’s a good day. 

_ “I made my baby say goodbye…”  _

Mom is stood at the stove, making Mac and Cheese, which is Taako’s favorite. Lup doesn’t like it all that much, but that’s okay, because it’s Taako’s favorite. 

“ _ Bbbbbbbshhhhhhhhh _ ” Lup says, making airplane noises with her toy airplane. 

“ _ Zheerrrrrrrrrrrr _ ” 

Taako giggles. Lup flies the airplane towards his nose. He shrieks with laughter. 

Mom walks over towards them. 

“Whatcha got there, Lulie?” 

“Airp’ane!” Lup says. “ _ Whzerrrrrrrrrr! Vroom vroom! _ ” 

She holds it up so that her mommy can see. 

_ “I’m so hard to handle, I’m selfish, and I’m sad…”  _

Mommy  _ screams _ . 

Because it’s not an airplane, is it Lup?

It’s a dead rat. 

A dead rat you found on the ground outside, and decided to bring in, because you’re stupid. 

And now Mom is angry at you, and she’s cry and yelling, and she grabs it out of your hand and flings it out of the door and runs to her room and shuts the door and the stove is still on and Taako is crying and the day was nice but now it’s ruined and it’s all your fault, Lup. It’s all your fucking fault, Lup, Lup, Lup, Lulu, Lup, Lulie, 

 

\---

 

“Lup, love, come back to me.” 

Taako gently squeezed Lup’s wrist again, trying to be quiet and not draw the attention of anyone else in the car. They’d dropped off everyone else and were almost in the driveway of Merle’s. It would look weird if Lup didn’t get out of the car, or if Taako carried her catatonic body out. 

“Lulu.” 

Her eyes slowly refocused. Her cheeks were wet with tears. 

“Hey,” She whispered. 

“Sup,” Taako said. “Where’d you go?”

“Mom’s. I was playing with a rat in the kitchen. I shoved it in your face.” 

“Gross.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Was it Joni?”

Lup nodded. 

“That slippery bitch.” 

Lup laughed, shaky and wet. “We should sue.” 

“Oh totally. I’ll call our lawyer.” 

Lup wiped at her face, a small smile playing on her lips. “How long was I out?”

“‘Bout fifteen minutes.” 

“Shit, really? It felt like forty five seconds.”

“Well, you know. Time is fucky.” 

“Thanks,” She said, resting her head on his shoulder. “For taking care of me.” 

“It was nothing. You were taking care of me this morning when I was scratching at your face,” He tried to keep his voice light and jovial, but there was a bitter edge to it. Taako looked down, not want to see any red marks that may or may not be adorning his sister’s mug, adding some extra flavor to her black eye. 

“Hey,” Lup said. “It’s not your fault. Okay?” 

Taako shrugged. Thankfully, they were interrupted by the car stopping before she could press the issue. 

“Oh look,” Lucretia said. “Davenport’s home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me staring at the fact i only have like three chapters ahead of this written and am writing at a much slower rate than i'm publishing: ...... this is fine........... 
> 
> also hey, you want a playlist? for this fic? cause here it is. https://open.spotify.com/user/greeneggsandham_24/playlist/0DohaY6lXopKSIdEM2Ga96?si=6aLjiCH1Q4GerS97AfQwWw


	10. x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which, davenport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains allusions to war and the military, as well as PTSD resulting from that.

Airports, Davenport found, were good for contemplation. Often times you would be stuck in an airport, with nothing to do but wait for whatever you had to wait for. In moments like that, moments where there was nothing to do but wait, Davenport would find himself pondering his life, and what had brought him to that moment.

Davenport hated wasting things. Especially time. So he would think about the events that led up to him having to wait for something. What he could’ve done to more precisely plan his time so that he wouldn’t be stuck waiting. Of course, it is in the nature of the airport that things will rarely be in your control. You will find yourself waiting, or running late, or stuck in Fresno - and for some reason it’s always Fresno - through no fault of your own, in fact, there’s nothing you could’ve done to change your fate. But this, for Captain Davenport, was unthinkably terrifying. It was easier to blame himself then to think he was powerless.

Or, in this particular case, he could blame Merle, who was late, as usual.

The relationship between Merle Highchurch and Captain Davenport was a long and winded one. They’d met 26 years ago, when Davenport was 27 and Merle was 29. It was the day after Davenport had been honorably discharged. He’d been in service for nine years, and all he had to show for it was a flying cross and something his therapist had called “selective mutism.” Nothing felt selective about it. He didn’t _want_ to not be able to talk. He just… couldn’t.

So, he went to the bar.

He’d sat at the bar, pulling out the pad of paper he had to keep with him everywhere now, and painstakingly wrote out what he wanted, as well as a quick “not deaf, just nonverbal.” He hadn’t felt this weak in a long time.

Davenport had been trying to get the attention of the bartender, when a stout man sat next to him, glanced over at the pad of paper and said, “Get me a strawberry daiquiri and a straight bourbon for my friend here.” Since then, Merle had just sort of attached himself to Davenport like a talkative barnacle.

Even when Davenport moved to West Virginia a few months later and Merle stayed in California, they’d been able to keep in contact. Davenport had been the best man at Merle’s (short lived and even shorter sighted) wedding, and after Merle had skipped out on that, Davenport’s couch was where he ended up. Besides Jeff and Marcy Douglas (God rest their souls,) Davenport would say Merle was the person he was closest to in the world. Well, at that time. Now his life had gotten a little more complicated, with Marlena, who reminded him of his little sisters, and Barry, and Lucretia, of course. And Magnus and Angus and all of Lucretia’s friends, who she, so much like her parents, had all but adopted into her family. But there was still Merle, in the center of it. They were old men now, well into their fifties, and his friendship with Merle had lasted longer than he’d ever imagined it would.

And the past few years, something _else_ had happened. Something strange and kind of scary, but very, very good.

Davenport was about to send Merle another impatient text, when he heard a gruff cough behind him, and a hand fell upon his shoulder. Davenport started, jumped out of his seat and whirled around.

“Jesus, Merle!” He signed, using the sign for ‘beard’ as Merle’s nickname. Lucretia had come up with it shortly after she’d moved in with Davenport.

Merle chuckled. “Sorry,” He said, in the tone of someone who was not sorry at all.

Davenport rolled his eyes. Merle chuckled again, and walked around the row of seats to pull Davenport into a hug. He reached up and placed a scratchy kiss on Dav’s cheek. Merle, standing at 5 foot nothing was one of the only men Davenport knew who was shorter than his 5 foot 2 self.

Davenport broke away. “I missed you,” He signed.

Merle smiled. “Don’t get all sappy on me,” He paused. “I missed you too, old man.”

“Old man? You’re the old man!”

“I’m sorry,” Merle said. “I’m… I’m not sure I understand. I don’t speak sign language -”

He was cut off by Davenport swatting him on the arm. “You aren’t funny,” He signed.

“I’m hilarious.”

Merle grabbed his suitcase and they walked to the car.

“I hate this thing,” Davenport signed.

“Excuse me, ol’ Miss Greenie is a beaute. And you didn’t hate her last month when we -”

Davenport slapped a hand over Merle’s mouth. Merle responded by licking it.

“You’re gross,” Davenport signed. Merle grinned. They got in the car.

“Tell me what’s new,” Davenport asked.

“Well,” Merle said, starting the car. “The new foster kids got here, the twins, I told you about them. Taako and Lup. They’re… they’re something. I’m worried about ‘em, you know? They remind me of Magnus when he got here, ‘cept, of course, they’re older, so they’ve just got that many more years of building up walls. And I doubt they’ll be ask… talkative as Magnus was. Poor kid just wanted someone to listen to him, that’s why he was actin’ out so much.” He paused. “Well that’s simplifying it, but either way, all it took was one 2 a.m. eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream right out of the carton on the kitchen floor cry session for Magnus to spill his life story. I doubt it’ll be that easy with these kids. And I’m glad they have each other, but I’ve worried it’s made them… inclusive, you know?” He paused again. “Wait, no, exclusive. Wait, no, _insular_. That’s the word. They’ve got each other, so they don’t wanna make friends with anyone else.”

“Are they dangerous?” Davenport signs. Merle glances out the side of his eye.

“I don’t think so. I don’t think any kids are dangerous. They’re just… scared. Lost.” He sighed. “I dunno.”

“You’ve always been an optimist.”

He shrugged. “Not always. I just worry about Magnus and Angus. That’s why I only agreed to keep the kids on temporarily.”

Davenport made air quotes and then signed “Temporary.”

“I’m serious! My kids come first.” He sighed. “But… I dunno. They need some stability. I hope they find it here.”

Davenport nodded. “Me too.”

 

\---

 

Taako began to help Lup out of the van and onto the street, when he was met by Magnus, Lucretia, and Angus all looking at him and his sister pointedly.

“Can I… help you?” He asked.

“Listen,” Lucretia said. “Davenport is… just to warn you… Dav… he doesn't talk. Like, he's nonverbal. And we just wanted to tell you two so -”

“So you won’t act like assholes about it.” Magnus said.

Taako rolled his eyes.

Magnus crossed his arms. “Seriously, Taako -”

“We’re not gonna be assholes,” Lup said, glaring. “We just fucking met, you could try to be a little less judgy.”

Magnus opened his mouth to say something else, but Lup quietly cut him off, tugging on Taako’s arm. “Can we go inside?” She asked, softly. “I’m really thirsty.”

Taako nodded, and shot a glare at Magnus before walking into the house with Lup. They walked through the pink door to find Merle sitting on the couch holding a glass of wine and laughing uproariously. Sitting across from him, in one of the overstuffed armchairs, was a stout white man with a stately goatee and close cut red hair. A glass of wine sat on the small end table beside the chair.

“Kids!” Merle said, a large smile on his face.

“Um,” Taako blanched. “Hi.”

“Taako, Lup, this is Captain Davenport. Dav, this is Taako and Lup.”

The stout man turned to them and smiled. “Hello!” He signed.

“Hi,” Taako signed back. “My name’s Taako, this is my sister Lup.”

Davenport smiled. “Yeah, I know. I can hear, I’m just nonverbal.”

“Okay, cool,” Taako signed. “Nice to meet you. You’re Lucretia’s foster dad?”

“Godfather.”

Lup cut in. “Are you Barry’s godfather as well?” She signed.

“No, he and his mom live with me. You’ll have to ask him about details.”

Lup nodded. “Okay. That’s fair.”

Magnus’ gruff voice came from behind them. “You know sign language?”

“Yeah,” Lup said.

“I’ll get you that water,” Taako said, touching her lightly on the arm as he walked into the kitchen. Davenport grabbed his now empty wine glass and followed him.

“Do you like it here?” Davenport signed, then grabbed a bottle of red wine. Taako took a glass out of a cabinet then signed back.

“I don’t know. We’ve lived in worse places.”

Davenport nodded. “You know you don’t have to sign back to me. I can hear you.”

“I know,” Taako signed. “But I like it. Gotta practice, you know?”

Davenport nodded. “How’d you learn?”

Taako sighed. “Lup didn’t talk until she was four. Wasn’t fully verbal until she was six. We knew this biker gang and one of them was deaf, taught us some ASL. Then after my aunt died…” He paused. “I couldn’t talk for two years. I just couldn’t. With her and my mom I…” He stopped. “Nevermind. Point is, after that we picked it up again, and learned it for real. Drove our foster parents crazy.”

Davenport nodded again. “I haven’t spoken in 26 years.”

Taako let out a low whistle. “Impressive,” He signed.

Davenport cracked a small smile. He poured his glass of wine. Taako filled up Lup’s water.

“Davenport?” He signed, tapping him slightly on the arm. “Don’t… tell anyone what I said, okay?”

Davenport nodded. “How am I gonna tell anyone, Taako. I’m nonverbal.”

Taako laughed. “I like you, my man.”

“I like you, too.”

 

\---

 

“Okay,” Lucretia said, at around eleven o’clock at night. “We should probably go home. It is a school night.”

Angus was already passed out on the couch, his glasses askew and his feet on Merle’s lap. Magnus was on the floor playing with Fisher, who had come bounding down the stairs from her hiding spot in Magnus’ closet the minute he got home. The twins had retired to their rooms a few hours ago, but they’d stayed downstairs for dinner, so that was progress, and honestly Lucretia was kind of okay with them not being there. She knew that now that they were here all of the family routines were going to change, and she was okay with that, but she also wanted to have one last hurrah with just the six of them.

She kicked Barry with her foot. He was dozing on the beanbag. She was snuggled up next to Davenport on the armchair.

“I don’ wanna go,” Barry mumbled. “Can’ we just stay here t’night?”

“Our house is literally fifty feet away,” Lucretia said.

Barry let out an exaggerated groan, but got himself up anyway. Davenport climbed out of the chair and stretched.

“Goodnight,” He signed. He leaned over and kissed Merle’s forehead.

“Ew, dad kissing?” Magnus said. “Grody.”

Merle stuck his tongue out at Magnus.

“See y’all tomorrow morning!” Lucretia said.

“Bye, Lucy,” Magnus said. He stood up and scooped Angus into his arms, then disappeared up the staircase.

“See you tomorrow, Dav. G’night kids,” Merle said.

Barry, Davenport, and Lucretia all left the Highchurch house and walked the short distance across the street to their house.

“Well,” Barry said, dropping his backpack on the floor. “I won’t be able to get back to sleep now, so I’m gonna go fuck around on the internet for a few hours.”

Lucretia laughed. “Okay Barry, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Barry,” Davenport signed.

He smiled at them, then bounded up the stairs to his room.

Lucretia yawned. “I should get to bed as well,” She said. “G’night, dad.”

“Goodnight, Lucy. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

Lucretia rarely called him dad. If she did, it was only when they were alone. It was a strange dichotomy. He’d been taking care of her ever since her parents died when she was five. He had been the person who would hold her when she had nightmares and make her soup when she was sick, but it felt like some sort of betrayal to her parents to call him her dad.

She knew that was dumb, her parents loved Davenport, if they didn’t they wouldn’t have made him her guardian. She methodically got ready for bed, ducking into Barry’s room and reminding him to brush his teeth before he fell asleep.

As Lucretia laid in the same bed she’d slept in since she was nine, in the same house she’d lived in since she was five, she realized that it didn’t really matter what labels she put on her family. Barry was like her brother, but he was also her best friend. Davenport was like her dad, but so was her dad.

Lucretia liked everything to be neat and orderly, and to make sense. But her crazy, complicated family didn’t need to make sense. Because they loved her, and she loved them, and that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: thank you so much to user "m" for notifying me that "mute" is an outdated and offensive term. i've changed it to nonverbal and will use that for the rest of the fic. i wasn't aware of all the baggage associated with this term, and i should've done more research. i've kept the use of "Selective mutism" as the official diagnosis, as from my research that seems to be the actual medical term. however, if this is incorrect please notify me. while i am learning sign and have taken classes in deaf culture, i have never been consistently nonverbal myself for any stretch of time longer than a day or two. once again, than you so much, and please feel free to notify me if i fuck up like this again in the future <3


	11. xi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup and barry talk on a roof.
> 
> that's it. that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARING: this chapter contains a very small reference to suicide, as well as childhood neglect.

Lup glanced over at Taako. He was sleeping. Fitfully, but sleeping. Her eyes moved over the alarm clock, which portrayed the time as 2:13 in bright, glowing letters. She exhaled, then slipped out of bed. She carefully shimmied under the bed to where they’d cut out a secret hidey hole in the mattress. 

Emergency stash of pills, photo album, college fund, Taako’s diary (nerd) and, found ‘em, cigarettes. She carefully extracted the pack of cigarettes from the hole, then sealed it back up and slid out from under the bed. 

She knew that Taako hated that she smoked, but he couldn’t really get on her too hard without being a massive hypocrite. He didn’t smoke himself (not cigarettes at least), but he had enough self destructive behaviors that he didn’t really have any room to talk. Lup also hated that she smoked, but she still did it, because her self control modifier was a negative four. 

She grabbed her lighter off her desk (this specific lighter was one that she’d gotten the day she got out of juvie after she snuck out of her temporary foster home to go to a gas station. It was red with a gemini symbol on it. She and Taako weren’t actually geminis, but they claimed it as their zodiac because twins), pulled on her old red jacket (since her pajamas were just some boxers and a bralette), and slipped on some fluffy pink slippers she’d stolen from her aunt when she was nine. Then, she headed over to the window, opened it, and quiet as a church mouse, climbed up onto the roof. 

The roof of the Highchurch residence was made up of dark, old shingles that were loose in several places. Lup had to tread carefully as she spidermonkeyed her way to the top. She found a sturdy spot where she was sure the roof wouldn’t cave in, and planted her butt. 

Lup sighed, and looked up at the moon. 

Ever since Lup was old enough to go outside, she had loved space. She and Taako both. There was something equally comforting and terrifying about the vast expanse of the universe. With thousands of worlds and thousands of galaxies, there had to be somewhere for them to be safe. There was so much of it, so much undiscovered, it made her feel very small, but also emboldened, because there was so much for her to explore, to discover, to make her own. She was just a speck on a speck surrounded by other specks. 

Space was very lonely, but Lup was lonely as well, and maybe they could be lonely together. 

She flicked her lighter a few times, toying with the fire, twirling it around and running her hands over it, before finally pulling out a cigarette. 

She stuck it between her teeth and lit it, sucking a few times so that it would take, then took a long drag, and watched as the smoke floated out into the night air. Lup’s shoulders slumped. 

Damn that felt good. 

She took another drag, absentmindedly fiddling with the lighter as she stared up at the stars, naming constellations. 

She started with the easy ones, Ursa major, Ursa minor, Draco. Then some of the more difficult ones, Cepheus, Cassiopeia, Lynx. 

Perseus. 

Auriga. 

Andromeda. 

She was at Pisces by the time she noticed someone calling her name. 

“Lup!” 

She looked around her, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. 

“Over here! Across the street!” 

She finally snapped her head up, and sure enough, on the other side of the street, half leaning out of the window, was Barry Bluejeans. 

“Barold?” She called, trying to keep her voice down but still be heard.  

He waved emphatically. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” 

“What the hell are you  _ doing _ ?” 

She took a long drag of her cigarette and let out an impressive smoke ring. “Blowing off steam!” 

Barry laughed. 

“Can I come over?” He yelled. 

Lup shrugged her shoulders with exaggerated motions so they could be made out in the dark. Barry smiled, the moon catching his white teeth, and a second later a figure darted out the front door of the house across the street. 

Barry crossed the street in the dark, then went to the side of Merle’s house and shimmied up a large oak tree. He got to the top branches and flopped onto the roof, landing with his feet dangling off the side. 

“Shit, Barold!” Lup said, sticking her cigarette in her mouth so she could drag him all the way on the roof. He maneuvered himself into a sitting position and took a few deep breaths. 

“What are you doing up?” She asked. “It’s two a.m.” 

Barry shrugged. “I fell asleep around seven at Merle’s. Couldn’t get back to bed after we came home. I was just kinda looking at the constellations when I noticed you. 

Lup blinked a few times. “Looking at the constellations?” She asked. 

He shrugged. “I’m kind of a space nerd,” He said. 

_ Me too _ , she wanted to say. “You’re an every kind of nerd,” She said instead. “Why are you fully dressed?” 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re wearing jeans, my man. It’s two in the morning.” 

“Oh,” Barry said. “These are my sleep jeans.” 

Lup laughed, a full body laugh, then she took another drag. “Sleep jeans,” She muttered to herself, disbelieving. 

“You smoke?” He asked. 

She let out the smoke. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh,” He was quiet for a moment. “Can I try one?” 

She turned to him, and slowly raised one eyebrow. “You wanna try a cigarette? You, Barold Harold Bluejarold?” 

“That’s not even close to my name, but yeah. I’m a scientist. I like to have experiences.” 

She guffawed. “They’re nasty as fuck, but be my guest.” 

She handed him the lit cigarette. He stared at it the way one might stare at lit dynamite, then took it in his hand, holding it the complete wrong way.

“What do I do?” 

“Well, you put it between your lips,” 

He did. 

“And then you just… suck in.” 

Barry sharply inhaled, then began coughing loudly, tears in his eyes. 

“Jesus, Barry, you don’t try and swallow the smoke!” Lup said, taking the cigarette from him. “Okay, okay, exhale, exhale!” 

He did, coughing out a few weak plumes of smoke. 

“Jesus,” He wheezed. 

“Yeah, I told you. Nasty as fuck.” 

“Then why do you do it?” 

Lup took a drag, then exhaled with a sigh. “Would you believe it was because I wanted to be like Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” 

“Um, I don’t know who that is, so, I guess? But they way you phrased the question makes me think it’s not true.” 

“You’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s?!” 

He flushed, but Lup couldn’t make it out. It was hard enough to see without her glasses, let alone in the middle of the night. 

“No.”

“Well, my mom had a thing for old movies, especially ones with Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe in them. I’ve seen them all. Some Like It Hot, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Roman Holiday, My Fair Lady… Breakfast was always my favorite, Taako preferred My Fair Lady. He’s a sucker for a rags to riches story.” She laughed. “Mom was all about Old Hollywood. The glitz and the glam and the black and white. She wanted to marry a young Fred Astaire or Dick Van Dyke. Sometimes she’d drag the T.V. out of the living room and into her bedroom and just watch those movies for days on end. Wouldn’t come out ‘cept to go to the bathroom.” 

Barry’s smile fell. “Oh.” 

Lup took another long drag, then flashed Barry a smile. “Don’t get like that, Barold.” She shrugged. “Anyway. My mom smoked. And my aunt smoked. And so did my grandpa. My dad prob’ly did, too. Guess it only makes sense.” 

“Does Taako?” Barry asked. 

“What? Smoke?” She shook her head. “Nah. Taako doesn’t smoke. Not cigarettes at least. He kept out of that one.” Lup clenched her hand, the faded cigarette burn bottom of her palm itching. 

Barry opened his mouth, probably to ask more questions, but Lup stopped him. “What is this, a fucking interrogation?” She asked. 

“Oh,” Barry said, the blush evident in his voice. “Sorry. Um… how about this. We can play 20 questions.” 

“20 questions?” Lup smirked. 

“Yeah! We play it with the kids at the summer camp Lucy, Magnus and I volunteer at. That way they know more about us and we know more about them.”

“Y’all volunteer at a summer camp?” Lup asked. “That is the most disgustingly wholesome thing I’ve ever heard.” 

Barry scratched his neck. “Merle roped us all into it last year when we finally were old enough to be counsellors. It’s like… it’s Pan camp.” 

“Pan camp?”

“Yeah. Like Jesus camp but with more plants.” 

Lup laughed uproariously. 

“That’s great. I had a social worker named Pan. ‘Parently he was friends with Merle. That’s probably why he was nicknamed that.” 

“Yeah, makes sense. Um. Anyway. Rules are, you have to be 100% honest and you can pass on any question, but then the question asker gets to ask a different question and it doesn’t count as two.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.” She took a drag on her cigarette. “Let’s play.” 

“Alright, great. I’ll start. What’s your favorite color.” 

Lup laughed. “Seriously?” 

“Yes, seriously, I’m trying to ease you into it.” 

“Ugh, fine. Red. Are you and Lucretia sisters?” 

“No. Why are you up so late?” 

“Insomnia. Why do you live with her then?” 

“My mom and Davenport live together. Are you and Taako’s names real?” 

“That’s two questions!” 

“Ugh. Fine. Is Lup your real name?” 

“Yes. Are your mom and Davenport dating?” 

“Gross! No! Dav is way too old for my mom. Is Taako Taako’s real name?” 

“Yes. Is Barry Bluejeans your real name?” 

“Unfortunately, yes. Um… why did you come up on the roof?” 

She paused. “I like to look at the stars. What’s the whole situation with your mom and Davenport. I’m very curious, if you can’t tell and you’re being very coy about it.”

He exhaled. “Short answer, my mom and I used to live in the house next to Dav’s, but we got foreclosed on, so Davenport invited us to move in with him since he had a lot of space.”

Lup widened her eyes at his honesty. 

“How’d you get that black eye?” He asked. 

She bit her lip. “Juvie goodbye ritual. How long have you lived with Dav?”

“Ten years. How long have you been in the foster system?” 

“Since I was ten. What happened to your dad?”

“He died before I was born. What about yours?” 

“Skipped out on us when I was two. I don’t even know who he was, my mom never told anyone.” She thought for a minute. “Do you miss your dad?” 

“I dunno. It’s hard to miss someone you never knew. Do you?” 

“No.” She clenched her fist reflexively. “Where’s your mom?” 

“Working. Where’s yours?” 

“Dead. What does she do?”

“Flight attendant. How did she die?”

“She killed herself.” Barry sucked in a breath. Lup smiled bitterly. “Does that make you uncomfortable?” 

“Is that your question?” 

“Is that yours?” 

“Yeah. It makes me uncomfortable.” 

“Yeah. That was my question.” 

Barry half smiled. “What’s your favorite constellation?” 

“Lupus. Or, it’s abbreviated name, Lup. What’s yours?” 

“Perseus. Are you named after that constellation?” 

“No. I wish. Why Perseus?” 

“I like the idea of valiant princes saving damsels in distress. I’m an old soul. What’s your sign?”

“Are you hitting on me Barold?” 

Barry glanced at her. “Is that your question.” 

She laughed. “You little shit! Scorpio.” 

“No, I am not hitting on you, Lup. And, if you were wondering, I am a Virgo.” He paused for a second. “How long were you in juvie?” 

She blew out a breath, and lit another cigarette, her first one forgotten in the reverie. 

“You can pass if you want,” Barry said. 

“No, no, it’s fine. A year. Um… what’s your mom’s name?” 

“Marlene. How long was Taako?” 

“Six months.” She spit the word out, shame boiling in her chest. “Why do you care?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Lup lazily blew out a smoke ring. “You have to answer my question before you ask me one.” 

Barry bit his lip. “I… you don’t seem like the type.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Really?” She took a drag. “I don’t think Magnus would agree with you on that.” 

“Magnus is… stubborn. He doesn’t like change. What happened?” 

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, Barold.” 

“Why’d you go to juvie?” 

“I stabbed a guy. What’s your favorite color?” 

“Red. Why’d you stab him?” 

“Pass.” 

Lup stared down at the street, almost certain Barry was going to walk away. It was eerily quiet for what felt like minutes but was really only seconds. 

“What’s your favorite song?” 

Lup looked at him. “What?” 

“If you pass, I get another question. What’s your favorite song?” 

Lup thought about it for a minute. 

“Well that’s a fucking loaded questions. I don’t… I’d need like four hours to think about that, Barold.” 

“Okay, what’s your favorite song in this moment.” 

Lup thought about it for a minute. “The Wisp Sings by Winter Aid. I heard it when Taako was… I heard it before I went to juvie and I just fuckin’ sobbed. It’s real good. What about you?” 

“The Only Living Boy in New York, Simon and Garfunkel.” 

“Classic. I like it.” 

“My mom loves Simon and Garfunkel.” 

Lup smiled. “Mine did, too.” 

“Do you miss her?” 

Lup took a drag on her cigarette. “I don’t… I don’t know. I think so. But I also wouldn’t want to live with her, if she was still here. You know?” 

“Not… really.” 

A smile played at Lup’s lips. “What do you want to be when you grow up, Barold?” 

“I wanna be a synthetic biologist and bioengineer. What about you?”

Lup bit her lip. “Happy,” She said. “God, that’s cliche. I’m such bullshit. Do you think we’re at twenty questions yet?” 

Barry blanched. “Shit. Um. I don’t know. I wasn’t actually keeping track.” 

Lup laughed, then stubbed out her cigarette. “This was fun.” 

“Yeah.” 

“You should go to bed, Barold.” 

“You should, too.” 

“Yeah. Probably.” She stood up, stretching and popping her back. Barry let out a small sigh of “Jesus” but whether that was at her ability to stay grounded on the roof or the obscene popping sound was anyone’s guess. “Goodnight, Bluejeans.” 

“Night… uh… actually, I don’t know your last name. What is it?” 

“Ah bap bap, it was my turn to ask a question.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also barry's sleepjeans are savannah's fault i just want everyone to know that.


	12. xii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins first day at school, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains a depiction of an unhealthy and abusive relationship between a teenager and someone over 18, as well as psychological manipulation and a scene in which a character is vomiting. if you don't want to read this, stop at the sentence "Wow! Taako, these are really, really good, you should try one" and skip too "Taako took two bites of the scone"

Barry woke up to the screeching of his alarm, regretting his existence.

This was not the first time this had happened, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. He had stayed up talking to Lup, and then he had gone home and laid in bed thinking about Lup, and all in all probably got about two hours of sleep. His shirt still smelled strongly of cigarette smoke, and dear god this girl would be the death of him.

He rolled over and grappled for his glasses, slamming them onto his face, before going back to retrieve his phone, yanking it from the charger. He silenced the alarm, and flopped back onto his back, spread out like a starfish. His eyes fluttered, and almost fell prey to the lurking shadow of sleep, but his phone charmed, fully jerking him into consciousness.

_Cretia: Bar i heard ur alamr go off. don t fall back asle ep. I dont want the twins 2 b la te on their frist dat._

Barry laughed. Lucretia always texted like a drunk person in the morning when she was trying to do as many things as possible in the smallest amount of time.

“Shit!” He heard her curse from the bathroom.

“You good?” He called.

“Yeah! I just got toothpaste in my hair!”

“How - you know what, I don’t even want to know.”

“Focus on yourself, Barry.”

Barry smiled to himself and glanced at his phone for another message.

_Momma: Hey baby. Good morning! I’ll be in Dubai when you wake up, but I just wanted to say I love you and I miss you!!_

Barry typed out a quick text to his mom before finally rolling out of bed. He pulled some jeans off of the back of his chair and a shirt from Magnus that said “Big Pipis LaZer Tug Arena.” He wasn’t sure where Magnus had found the shirt, nor was he sure who Big Pipi was, nor why the Z was capitalized, nor why it said “Tug” rather than “Tag,” but these conundrums could also just serve as a list of reasons why it was one of his favorite shirts.

Barry’s room was a mess of clothes, homework, and trash, as well as being home to all of his science experiments. His closet had an old fridge stocked with a collection of jars filled with semi-preserved road kill and other strange things. He had half finished projects, a host of dead plants, two microscopes, one of them broken, and some sort of mold that had originally been from a half eaten pizza he’d forgotten was under his bed but had since turned into “an actual experiment _Lucretia_.”

He also had a few half built robots, and some exposed electrical wires that probably shouldn’t have been exposed. It was atop off of one of these half built robots that his horrendously written English essay was sitting. He grabbed it and stuffed it into his backpack, filled with loose papers and somewhere the remains of a binder Davenport had optimistically bought him in August.

He thought about the actual contents of the essay and sighed. Barry had always been top of all of his science, math, and music classes, but anything related to writing or - dear god - spelling, completely lost him. He liked reading well enough, but he was more of a literary appreciator than partaker.

“Did you finish your English essay?” Lucretia asked when he walked into their shared bathroom. She was half heartedly fiddling with some mascara, as if she was actually thinking of wearing it. Barry didn’t think she’d actually worn make up to school since eighth grade, and that was only because the Winder twins made fun of her appearance until she would cry everytime she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. They’d stopped completely torturing Lucretia at the end of freshman year, but that was only because Magnus had punched Edward Winder square in the face and broke his nose.

“Yes, mom,” Barry said, grabbing his toothbrush.

Lucretia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, someone has to keep you chucklefucks in line.”

Maneuvering around his toothbrush, Barry said, “Please, you’re just as much as a chucklefuck as the rest of us.”

Lucretia flipped him off and left the bathroom, probably to finish organizing and precisely packing her backpack. Barry thought it was interesting, how Lucretia’s autism manifested itself in her needing things to be routine and meticulous, while his own manifested in periods of hyper-fascinated mania with little regard for personal hygiene or anything else, really. When they were younger, this had almost created some tension between them, but after living together for a decade, they knew how to work around and with each other.

Barry quickly finished getting ready - brushed his teeth, put on some deodorant, ran his fingers through his moppy brown hair - and jogged downstairs, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.

Lucretia was sitting at the counter, talking with Davenport as she triple checked that she had all of her homework finished.

“Dav says we can take the airport pretzels and shitty cookies on the Starblaster this morning,” She told Barry, not looking up. “Could you fill up my water bottle?”

“Yeah sure. Thanks Dav.”

Davenport smiled and gave Barry a two finger salute. Barry grabbed Lucretia’s Starry Night water bottle (he had a matching one that was Vincent Van Gogh’s Skeleton With A Burning Cigarette, because of course he did), and filled it up.

“Twins are coming to school today?” Davenport signed.

“Yeah,” Barry said.

Lucretia zipped up her backpack and took the water bottle out of Barry’s hand, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

“We should go,” She said.

“Right behind you,” He said.

Lucretia pulled Davenport in for a quick squeeze. “See you when we get home!”

“Bye, Dav,” Barry said, giving Davenport a quick hug and following Lucretia to the car.

Outside, Magnus, Angus, and the twins were standing around the Starblaster. The twins looked disinterested, though Barry could swear that Lup gave him a small smile, Angus was fiddling with the bottom of his sweater vest, and Magnus had a pained “I’m gonna be positive today fuckers” smile.

“Ready to go?” Barry said.

 

\---

 

“Well this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” Lucretia said, trying very hard not to freak out. She stared at her friends, all standing around the Starblaster in the parking lot of Johann and Killian’s apartment complex.

It was complicated, because on one hand Lucretia knew that she was being needlessly anal about having a specific Starblaster seating chart, but on the other hand this was _important to her_.

“I’m, um, I’m not sure what to do,” She said, her voice feeling small. She snuck a look over at Taako and Lup, who were both wearing old ratty backpacks, and had their fingers intertwined, seemingly unconsciously. At least they didn’t look pissed off.

“Okay,” She said. “I can figure this out. That’s what I do. I’m a fixer.” Lucretia took a deep breath. “So, someone will probably have to sit on the floor -”

“I can,” Magnus said, raising his hand.

“Maggie can sit in front of me,” Julia said immediately. She blushed, and then quickly followed it up with, “I’m like… pretty small, so.”

Lucretia nodded. “Okay. Great. Then, um, Taako, if you want, you can sit in the passenger seat. I mean you don’t have to but -”

“Nah, that’s cool.” He flashed her a quick grin that was all teeth. His eyes went squinty when he smiled.

“Alright, then, we just have one more person to squeeze in. Maybe someone can sit on someone else’s lap? Angus, you’re small so maybe -”

“I can sit on Barold’s lap,” Lup said, lazily raising her hand.

Everyone seemed to blink simultaneously.

“Uh… what?” Magnus said.

“We’re totally bros,” Lup said, casually looping her arm over Barry’s shoulder. “Right babe?”

Barry was the color of the tomatoes in Merle’s garden. “Um, I mean, uh, yeah, um, sure, I, uh, I guess.”

“Barry dot e-x-e has stopped working,” Killian said, quiet enough that only the people next to her (Carey and Lucretia) could hear.

“O...kay,” Lucretia said. “Well then, I guess let’s go pick up Avi.”

She didn’t miss the tiny smile that appeared on Johann’s usually melancholy face when she mentioned Avi. For someone who had a hard time reading people, Lucretia could be pretty perceptive.

 

\---

 

Magnus had shown them the way to the office, and then left for his first class. Lup and Taako sat in the uncomfortably textured office chairs, Taako with his legs pulled up to his chin and Lup with her legs swung over onto a second chair. Lup was quietly fiddling with her lighter.

“I’m one million percent sure you’re not supposed to have that here,” Taako said.

“It doesn’t _work_ ,” Lup responded. “I just need something to fuck with, you know?”

Taako nodded, and grabbed his backpack, an old, beat up, navy blue jansport he’d had since his aunt had enrolled him in first grade.

“Here,” He said, grabbing an empty hotel shampoo bottle that was buried under the myriad of papers, cash, and clothing. “Flick this instead.”

Lup scowled. “Thanks, I hate it,” She said, taking it anyway and placing the lighter in Taako’s expectant hand. He gave her a shit eating grin and stuck the lighter in one of the bag’s pockets, making a mental note to give it back to her after school.

Lup started flicking the cap of the shampoo bottle, open and shut, open and shut, open… and shut. Taako stared at the patterns of the carpet, (they were that weird school pattern that was blue with little red and white dots in it), the ceilings (they were those weird school styrofoam ceilings with the grey flecks in them), the disinterested looking secretary (a middle aged white lady with a pointed nose and red glasses) who was clacking about at her computer. She turned and looked down the bridge of her nose, right at Taako.

“Can I help you two?” She said, in a voice that was all nasal.

Taako bit the inside of his cheek, hard enough to hurt, and then spoke. “Uh, yeah. We’re new? We’re here to see the counselor. Um, Taako and Lup -”

“Oh, right, of course.” She glanced at something on her computer screen, then turned back to them. “You can go back there. Miss Prophet is ready for you.”

Taako nodded. “Rad,” He said, under his breath. He unfolded his lanky frame from the office chair, and lightly nudged Lup’s arm, bringing her back to reality. She silently swung her feet onto the ground and stood up, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. She turned to him and smiled. He looped his pinky around hers. They walked down the hall.

The counselor’s door was slightly open. Lup looked at Taako, shrugged, and knocked softly on the door.

“Come in!” Said a high, accented voice.

The twins walked in the room. It was homey, with lots of plants and crystals scattered about. Very colorful. Taako’s eyes immediately fell on the basket of fresh scones on the dark wooden desk.

The counselor laughed. She was short and stout, probably mid to late sixties.

“Are you hungry?” She asked.

Taako swallowed, and it was miniscule. He’d eaten pizza the night before (One piece, no toppings, no crust), and had two glasses of water. This morning, Lucretia and Barry had passed around airline snacks, but Taako declined, ignoring the concerned look from Lup. His stomach betrayed him, churning slightly, but he couldn’t tell if it was from want or repulsion. His mouth watered a bit.

“No,” He said, and cringed at how small his voice was.

“Well I am,” Lup said, her voice loud and fake. She grabbed a scone from the desk, took a big bite, and made an exaggerated moan of pleasure. “Wow! Taako, these are _really_ , really good! You should try one!”

“Hello love,” Sazed says, smiling at Taako. Taako had woken up alone in their bed, the expensive sheets tangled around his bare chest and legs, from thrashing all night. He’d been worried when he came to, Sazed had gotten mad at him for waking him up from his messy sleeping habits. But Sazed is in the kitchen, smiling at the stove.

Taako smiles, and slightly skips over to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him and going up on his tippy-toes to plant a kiss on his shoulder.

“Watcha makin’?” Taako asks.

“Omelettes,” Sazed says, conversationally.

“Ooh,” Taako says. “With nutmeg?”

“Of course with nutmeg,” Sazed says. “I’m not an imbecile, Taako.”

The jab stings. “Of course not,” Taako says. He feels like an idiot. Of course Sazed knows how to make an omelette. Sazed is a real chef, who works at a fancy restaurant in Neverwinter and goes to culinary school. Taako is just a dumbass just-turned-fifteen year old.

“Anyway,” Sazed says, any malice in his voice gone. “I think you’re really going to like it.”

Taako smiles, and kisses him again. “Of course I will. Cause you’re a fuckin’ baller chef.”

Sazed insists on eating every meal at the table, especially if he’s the one to make it, so he and Taako sit at the dining table in his apartment, framed by windows that overlook the city. Sazed places Taako’s omelette in front of him, along with some orange juice, then Sazed sits in his own chair, directly across from Taako.

He takes a big bite, and smiles. “God, Taako,” He says. “This is so good. You should try yours.”

Taako smiles. “Of course,” He says, taking a big bite. It’s delicious. There’s subtle flavors, and the spices (especially the nutmeg) really bring out all the different kinds of cheeses Sazed used. Taako is so lucky that he gets to stay with someone so talented. He wants to talk to Lup about it (she’d probably want to put hot sauce or something on it), but Sazed wouldn’t want him to see Lup. Especially not so soon. They saw each other last week. Sazed doesn’t like the idea of Taako focusing more on his sister than on him, which Taako guesses is fair. He’s never really had a serious boyfriend before, especially not someone like Sazed (who’s _nineteen_ , which is so _cool_ , because he likes Taako!! He says he’s mature). Taako banishes all thoughts of Lup from his mind, and focuses on his awesome, mind bogglingly hot, talented boyfriend and the great food that he made for him.

“Taako?” Lup said. “Do you want to try one?” She looked at him with pleading eyes. Taako walked over, mechanically grabbing a scone and talking a bite. It tasted like chalk, and dried out his mouth.

Two hours later, Taako is leaning over the toilet, his body slick with feverish sweat as he vomits into the toilet. Sazed is holding back his hair, a look of disgust on his face. Tears stream down Taako’s face, and he wants Lup, but he doesn’t ask to call her because Sazed is already being so accommodating, he called off of work when Taako wasn’t feeling well, and Lup probably doesn’t want to be bothered anyway. Taako vomits again, bile scratching the walls of his throat. He lets out a strangled sob. Taako has always hated throwing up and being sick. It’s too vulnerable, and it makes everything brighter and louder and even more unbearable than usual.

“Oh dear,” Sazed says.

Taako coughs. “I think… I think it’s done,” He says shakily.

Sazed nods sagely and hands Taako a glass of water, which he gratefully takes, so he can wash the terrible taste of bile out of his mouth.

“You know,” Sazed says, flushing the toilet. “You have been gaining a bit of weight lately. Ever since you moved in last month. It’s probably good that you didn’t keep that weight. You didn’t need it. I like you small.”

Taako nods, looking up at him with big eyes. “Y-Yeah,” He says, laughing shakily. Sazed helps him to his feet, and smoothes his hair back.

“Look at you,” He says, his voice quiet and murmuring. “So quiet and small. So dependent on me. So… beautiful.” He kisses Taako one the forehead. Taako’s eyes flitter. He’s so tired. “I love you, Taako,” Sazed murmurs.

“I love you, too,” Taako says, leaning further into Sazed’s embrace. Sazed hitches him up, and he wraps his legs around Sazed’s waist.

“C’mon,” Sazed says. “Let’s get you to bed.” He grips Taako’s hips a little too tight, but the next morning, when Taako finds small finger shaped bruises, he won’t say anything, because Sazed would never hurt him. Not on purpose. Sazed loves him.

Taako took two bites of the scone, forcing them down his throat, before shoving the rest of it in the pocket of his jacket.

“Good, yes?” Miss Prophet said.

Taako forced a smile, one that he was sure looked uncomfortable and forced. “Delicious,” He said. Lup smiled and squeezed his hand. She was proud of him. _God_ , she was _proud_ of him. She shouldn’t have been proud of him. He didn’t deserve it. He was so fucked up. And he knew that he was fucked up, and that made it even more fucked up, because he couldn’t stop being fucked up. People say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, but Taako had never heard of what step two was supposed to be.

 _You know,_ a nasty, malicious, and awful voice in Taako’s head said, _you wouldn’t be here if Lup just minded her own business. You’d still be with Sazed._

But being with Sazed would be terrible. Right? Right? Fuck.

Taako forced himself to focus back on Miss Prophet.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Taako, Lup,” She said. “Please call me Paloma. I’m very excited to be your counselor. I’m friends with Merle, you know.”

“Who isn’t?” Lup snorted.

Paloma laughed. “He’s a talkative one, that Merle.” She rustled through some papers. “Pardon me for being old fashioned and pen-and-paper. I am approximately a thousand years old, after all. Ah, here we are.”

She pulled out two schedules. “Smart ones, are we?” She said. “Istus called me and told me to change your schedules away from all the remedial classes. Such a sweet lady, Istus. She and I are in a knitting circle together. You know, her son - god, look at me blathering. Anyway, here you are. If you need any help with anything, my door is always open.” She smiled warmly, handing them the two schedules. “Now, I’ll just find someone to help you find your classes.”

Paloma waddled out of the room, her long gray hair and many skirts swishing as she walked.

“Whatcha got?” Lup asked.

Taako wordlessly held out his schedule, comparing it with hers.

Taako and Lup both had Pre-Calculus for first period, then they split apart for second period with Taako in Home Ec while Lup took AP Literature. They saw each other again in their third period A. P. U. S. History and fourth period AP Chemistry, and shared a lunch period (thank god). After lunch Lup went off to her fifth period music class and Taako went to go take his AP Literature class. Sixth period was AP Physics, seventh period was Japanese I, and then they were stuck with P.E. for their last period.

Lup raised an eyebrow and looked at Taako. “Wow,” She said. “I guess… Istus came through.”

Taako laughed. “Yeah, I guess she did.”

Paloma poked her head back in the office. “Alright kiddos, I’ve found some kids to show you around. Another pair of twins, in fact. Lydia, Edward, this is Taako and Lup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i plug my tumblr on every chap but i also like... just made a twitter, it's @kathisntvalid or at this address: https://twitter.com/kathisntvalid i mostly just retweet memes and things about how the usa is falling apart. 
> 
> i also have an instagram @aliensinflowercrowns which you can follow as well if you're interested. anywho, thanks for reading, ily


	13. xiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins first day of school, part two

Lup and Taako stared at Edward and Lydia. Edward and Lydia stared at Taako and Lup. 

“Wow,” Lup said. 

Edward cracked a small smile. “Yeah.” 

“Can I just say,” Taako said, putting on a showy smile. “You two look fantastic?” 

“Oh, I was about to say the same thing,” Lydia said. “I absolutely love the whole… hipster thrift shop chic thing you’ve got going on. Did you get that stuff at Urban?” 

“Oh totally,” Taako said, waving his hand in a “don’t even trip” motion. 

“It is so nice to meet someone else in this podunk town that actually has taste,” Edward said. 

“Aw,” Lup said. “Thanks babe.” 

“I love your bone structure,” Lydia said. “I’m captain of the cheerleading squad, and Edward and I are co-captains of the gymnastics team. You guys should totally join. I mean, if you like, know anything about it.” 

Lup smiled, made a shooing motion towards the two of them, and did a quick backbend that turned into a handstand, which she used as a springboard to jump back onto her feet. 

Taako snorted. “Show-off,” He muttered. 

“Impress -” Lydia started, but before she could finish, Lup caught Taako’s silent signal, moved out of the way, and allowed him the space to do a quick aerial out of the office. 

Lydia blinked. “Impressive.” 

Lup shrugged, and shot the other girl a killer smile. “We try,” She said. 

“Okay,” Paloma said. “You can all talk about this after class. Besides, I don’t want anyone breaking anything in my office. Get to class.” 

She winked at Taako and Lup as they followed Lydia and Edward out of class. 

“So, you two definitely need to come and audition for gymnastics,” Edward said. 

“And Lup, you need to come try out for cheerleading. We need some more competent people, rather than untalented airheads who think they deserve to be at the top of the pyramid when they can barely do a backflip.” 

Lup laughed. “We’ll think about it,” She said. 

“You better,” Edward said. “You’d look cute in a cheerleading outfit.” 

Lup grimaced. Taako stiffened next to her, a frown tugging at his face. 

“What’s your first class?” 

“Pre-Calc,” Taako said. “Nerd alert, amirite.” 

The other twins laughed, a sort of trilling sound. 

“That should be room A-106, with Mr. Johnson. It’s just this way.” 

“You two should totally sit with us at lunch,” Edward said, once they reached the classroom. “It’ll be great.” 

Lup briefly thought of Barry, of their conversation on the roof. Were they friends? Would he even want to sit with her? Sure, she’d talked to him and it seemed like Julia liked them well enough, but they all had this little group, there was no reason why carpooling with someone would extend to sitting with them at lunch. Besides, Lup and Taako were only going to be there for awhile, they didn’t belong in their group. They’d already messed up the order of their car, Magnus didn’t want them around, that was for sure, and Lup couldn’t really blame him. He had a family, and she and Taako were just sort of barging in and ruining it. It was better to stay as far away as possible, as to not cause any more damage and upset than they already had. 

“Yeah, totally,” Lup said. “See you then.” 

Lydia and Edward walked away. Lup reached for Taako’s pinky, wrapping hers together with his, as he reached for the handle and opened the door. 

 

\---

 

Contrary to what one might think - or what his father used to tell him - Magnus was actually quite good at math. At least, good enough to be in Pre Calculus in his junior year. He and Avi sat together in the back of the room, sending each other discreet notes about all sorts of inane things - sports, school, parties, girls, boys. They enjoyed teasing each other about the hopeless crushes they had on another member of the friend group (for Magnus, this was Julia, who he’d met at during the summer of eighth grade after Istus forced him to get an apprenticeship with her father because he’d punched Marvey in the nose and she thought he needed to “get his anger out in a productive way.” For Avi, it was Johann, who he’d been hopelessly in love with since the two of them had become best friends on the first day of kindergarten). 

Avi had his feet up on the two desks next to him, and was talking about the latest album from some band Magnus had never heard of. Magnus’ friends all liked what Magnus would politely call “Hipster Music,” while Magnus preferred, what he would call, “Actual Good Music Cause Not Everything Has To Be Sad Everytime Jesus Christ Y’all Would You Lighten Up A Little.” 

Avi had a very specific way of talking that reminded Magnus of the way people talked on soothing podcasts. He could listen to Avi talk for hours and just let his voice wash over him, lulling him to sleep. Which made it even more jarring when the harsh voice of Mr. Johnson announced for everyone to “listen up, please, class? Listen up!” 

Mr. Johnson was a portly man with an extremely valid mustache, in Magnus’ opinion. He had little hair on his head, but what was there was very grey and poorly stylized. But Magnus was more focused on the two figures standing next to him, tall, lanky, and thin. Lup had her brown hair in two small buns at the top of her head with stray hairs surrounding her in a halo. She was wearing red shorts, a crop top with faded lettering on it, and an old looking flannel. Taako was dressed in skinny jeans and a loose fitting shirt with some band logo that Magnus didn’t recognize on it. They both looked extremely disinterested, with Taako examining his cuticles and Lup flipping something around in her hand (Magnus almost thought it was a small shampoo bottle, but that wouldn’t make any sense so it couldn’t be right). 

“These are our new students, Lup and… T… Tay… Tayko? Ta-ah-ko. Ta-”

“It’s Taako,” Taako said, voice extremely pained. Magnus thought - not for the first time - about the origins of his name. 

Mr. Johnson nodded. “Right. Sure. Would you two like to tell us a little bit about yourselves?” 

“Nah,” Lup said, voice cheery, before she flounced over to where Avi and Magnus were sitting, pushed Avi’s feet of off the empty chair, and plopped down in it, with Taako next to her. 

“Um, alright then,” Mr. Johnson said. “Now, when calculating a limit…”

“Uh, hey, guys.” Avi whispered. 

Lup blinked a few times, then turned to Avi, a small, but genuine smile on her face. Taako was doodling something in his notebook. “Hi!” She said. Magnus noticed that her lipstick was a very pretty bright purple. He wondered what Julia would look like with purple lipstick. Probably pretty. She looked pretty in everything. 

“You’re Avi, right?” Lup said. 

“Uh, yeah,” Avi responded. “I am.”

Lup nodded. “Cool.”

Magnus glanced over at them. He felt like he should say something. He hadn’t had a real conversation with the twins since they’d arrived in Moon two days ago, and every small interaction he’d had had ended up somehow antagonistic. 

“So,” He said. “You like math?”

Goddammit Magnus. 

Lup raised an eyebrow. Taako looked up from his notebook. 

“Math is whack.” 

He returned to furious scribbling. 

“Wow, mood,” Magnus said. “But if you guys ever need any help, I’m actually kind of pretty okay at this stuff? I mean like, not great, I’m not smart like Lucretia or Barry but like, I dunno. I usually kind of get it? And I’ve been told I’m pretty good at explaining stuff. At least, I’ve been told that by Angus, but he’s just really smart so maybe I’m not that good. Uh, I mean, yeah.”

Lup frowned slightly. “Um, I think we’ll be good, but if we ever need any help like catching up or anything, we’ll come to you first, big guy.” 

Magnus nodded, feeling weird and out of breath. “Okay. Cool.” 

Taako poked his sister in the ribs, and gestured the notebook toward her. 

“Hah, rad,” She said. 

“What’s that?” Avi asked. 

Lup waved a hand. “Nothing. Inside joke.” 

 

\---

 

So far high school was just as bad as Taako had remembered. Math was boring, he knew most of the things that the teacher was talking about. Taako dislike math, but often it was required that he figured some sort of concept out so that he could comprehend something else to do with physics or chemistry - stuff he was actually interested in. 

And now he had to leave Lup, which would be fine, because Taako was his own goddamned person and could function without his sister, but also, gross. 

He had to go to the D-Hall to find his Home Ec class. Moonview was a weird large square, with a cafeteria in the middle and four long hallways stretching out from it. Taako walked down the hall alone (Lup was in the B-Hall), ducking his head and avoiding other people. 

“Hey!” Someone said. “Taako!” 

Taako turned to see a girl in a skirt decorated with various little dogs and a shirt that said “Black Girl Magic” on it. Her hair was pulled into pigtails, and tied with red ribbon. 

“Oh, hey Julia.” 

Julia beamed at him. “How are you liking Moonview so far?” She asked. 

“Well,” Taako said. “I’ve only had one class, and it was math so…”

Julia laughed. “Oh big same,” She said. “I’m  _ useless _ at math. I’m much more of a fancy words and flowery fiction type of gal. In fact, I’m on my way to A.P. Literature. But Magnus tutors me in math, maybe he’ll help you as well.” 

Taako nodded. “Lup’s in A.P. Lit next,” He said. 

“Oh that’s awesome!” Julia said. “Where are you headed?” 

“Home Ec.” 

“Oh cool. You’re like, the only guy I know who would take that class.” 

Taako sighed. “Yeah, well, masculinity is a prison, so.” 

Julia laughed. “Wow, what a mood. Home Ec is pretty fun. It’s really easy. Mr. Rick just makes people make like… ham sandwiches and shit, which is good, because I am a terrible cook. Give me something that needs hitting, and I’m your girl. But tell me to preheat an oven and it’s like, instructions too vague, got dick stuck in the ceiling fan.” 

Taako laughed, not unkindly, but a bit baffled at the fact Julia seemed to genuinely want to have a conversation with him. She didn’t have an angle or anything. 

The 60 second warning bell rang. 

“Oh shit!” Julia said. “I’ve got to get to class! Have fun, see you at lunch!” 

And then she did the strangest thing. 

_ She hugged him _ . 

She pulled Taako into a hug, his face crushing into her hair and his nose filling up with the scent of her perfume. It was over in a second, but Taako had to steady himself to make sure he hadn’t been transported into a different fucking plane of existence. 

Julia was already halfway down the hall by the time he recovered from the unexpected contact. It left him all warm inside, which, no thank you body. Don’t need to be having attachments to people. He had Lup, and that was all he needed. He turned around and walked resolutely towards the Home Ec classroom. 

The classroom was all tiled floors, fake wooden desks, and old kitchen equipment. Roughly twelve girls sat around various places, on their phones or talking quietly. 

“Um, hi,” Taako said, walking up to the teacher. He felt strangely exposed without Lup, without his armor. “I’m Taako? I’m new.” 

“Right, yes, nice to meet you,” the teacher said, without looking away from his computer screen. Mr. Rick, Julia had called him. “Just take a seat wherever. I won’t force you to do the whole introducing yourself rigamarole.” 

Taako nodded. “Cool. Thanks.” 

Rick didn’t respond, continuing to scroll on his screen. Taako could see that he was looking at Facebook. 

He turned towards the classroom, and found a table with only one other person at it. Near the back, was a dark skinned girl wearing a purple hijab. She was looking at something on her phone, frowning slightly. 

Taako went over and sat down at the table, one chair in between them. He pulled out his school notebook and opened it to a new page, beginning to sketch the classroom, but allowing his mind to wander. 

He’d gotten halfway through a dragon bursting through the whiteboard to eat Mr. Rick when the person next to him cleared her throat. 

“Um,” She said. 

Taako’s head snapped up. “Oh, hi.” 

“Can I… help you with something?” 

“Oh. No.” 

She nodded. “Okay.” She was dressed in a flowy purple tunic and black skinny jeans, matched with purple converse. She wore purple lipstick and some fancy eyeliner done into two wings rather than one. She had a small silver nose stud. Her hijab was purple as well, and now that Taako was closer, he could see there were small silver threads woven into it. 

“It’s just,” She said. “You sat down next to me? And people don’t usually sit here. So I was wondering if you needed something.” 

“Oh,” Taako said. “I’m… new. And I didn’t have anywhere to sit. But I can like, leave if you want.” 

She looked to be actually considering this, but finally said. “No, that’s fine. I’m Ren.” 

“I’m Taako,” Taako held out his hand to shake, but Ren put hers up to her chest, shaking her head slightly. She had a variety of silver rings on her hand. Taako shrugged and went back to his book. 

“Can I just say,” Taako said, a minute later, when Mr. Rick still hadn’t actually started class yet. “I love your whole look? Like, most people can’t pull off that much purple. But you? Style icon.” 

Ren blinked a few times at him. 

“Me?”

Taako frowned. “No. The fuckin’ plant dressed in purple. Yes, you.” 

She smiled, then the smile fell quickly. “I hope you aren’t flirting with me. Because I’m not interested.” 

Taako bit back a rude snort.  _ Oh honey, not my gay ass.  _ But he couldn’t say that here. 

“Ren, I promise, I am not, nor will I ever be, flirting with you.” 

Her smile returned, wider and in full force. “Okay then. Thank you. It’s hard when you put so much effort into a look and no one notices because they can’t wrap their brain around the fact you actually choose to wear a headscarf.” 

Taako laughed. “Please, the headscarf fuckin’ completes the look. It ties it all together, the silver threads with the jewelry? Iconic.” 

Ren batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly. “Why thank you.”

“So,” Taako said. “Is the class gonna start anytime soon, or are we just gonna sit here with our thumbs up our asses for fifty minutes?” 

Ren rolled her eyes. “Ugh, I wish. He’ll probably just scroll on Facebook for fifteen more minutes and then turn on some old food network show for the rest of the period. This class is a joke.” 

“Aw dunk,” Taako said. “I was really looking forward to pushing the boundaries of culinary creation in this public high school Home Ec class.” 

Ren laughed again. “Okay, fair, but I was hoping we’d at least get to like… make cookies or something.” 

“Oof,” Taako said. “I have not made cookies in a long time. I make this macaroons that will knock your purple socks off, Rennie Girl.” 

“How did you know my socks were purple?” 

Taako smirked, then shrugged. “Just had a hunch.” 


	14. xiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taako and lup's first day at school part 3

“So what class do you guys have next?” Julia asked, her arm looped through the crook of Lup’s elbow as they walked out of A.P. U.S. History. It turned out that Lup, Taako, Julia, and Killian all had the same history class, and after Lup and Julia having two classes together in a row, Julia had decided they were best friends now. 

“We have chemistry,” Taako said. 

Julia’s eyes lit up. “Really? With Mrs. Miller?” 

“Yeah.” 

“She’s great! She’s a friend of -” 

“Let me guess,” Lup said. “She’s a friend of Merle’s?”

“Wow, how’d you know?” Killian said, deadpan. 

“Okay, like, no offense, but why do so many people want to be friends with Merle? He’s  _ Merle _ ,” Taako said. 

“Beats me,” Killian laughed. 

“I think it’s the beard,” Julia said. “It looks inviting.” 

“Ew, gross, Jules.” 

Julia laughed and stuck out her tongue. 

“Hey Killian!” Someone yelled from across the hallway. “PULL!” 

“Oh fuck!” Killian said, as the small figure of Carey Fujihara came barreling into her arms. She threw herself onto Killian’s back, and then slid down, landing on the floor in a squat. 

“And she sticks the landing,” She said. 

“Please don’t dab,” Julia said. 

Carey dabbed. 

“Hey babe,” Killian said. 

“Yes love?” 

“I love you, but you are not valid.” 

“Validness? In my me? Less likely than you’d think.” 

“Didn’t you guys say you were trying to be stealth in the fact you were together?” Lup asked. 

“Yeah,” Carey said, slipping her hand into Killian’s. “But you’d be surprised what people will rationalize as just gals bein’ pals.” 

“We could literally be making out in the hallway and people would be like, ‘wow, what good good friends who are just friends and also straight.’” 

“Okay,” Julia said, turning to Lup and Taako. “So you’re gonna want to go down to the end of C-Hall, where you’ll find glass double doors. Go out the doors and you’ll get to a blacktop. There’ll be two metal portables. If you go into the portable that’s closest to the middle school and go in room B, it’ll actually be labelled Sci. Portable B, you’ll find your classroom.”

Taako laughed. “I’m not gonna remember any of that, but I appreciate it.” 

Julia smiled. “Feel free to call me if you need any help. Or just find Lucretia, I think she has that class at the same time as you two. Okay, I’ve got to go to weight lifting. Oh shit, is that Magnus?” Julia looked like a kid who just got offered candy. “Hey!” She called. “Magnus! Mango! Burnsides!” She ran off, following after Magnus’ retreating hulking figure, who at some point noticed her, and turned around with a smile that could’ve lit the whole school. 

“When are the two of them just gonna bone already?” Carey asked. 

Killian shrugged. 

Taako and Lup walked to the science portable mostly in silence, their pinkies linked. 

“So,” Lup said. “How’s your day been so far?” 

Taako raised an eyebrow. “Fine?” He said. “I mean, you’ve been with me for most of it. It’s just like… a day, you know?” 

“Yeah,” She said. “I know. It’s just… you seemed kind of off. In Paloma’s office.” She paused. “Like, I know that we’re both emotionally repressed and don’t generally talk about this shit, but also, are you okay? Like with the food thing? Are you good? I know you had a rough time and then I got thrown in the slammer and it was like… we never really had any time to talk about all the shit that happened and I just -”

“‘M fine, Lulu,” Taako said, quietly. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“No, I know you’re fine, but are you like -”

“I’m  _ fine _ , Lup. Seriously.” 

Lup narrowed her eyes. “Okay, well, the way that you said that makes me feel like you are decidedly not fine, but if you want to be emotionally unavailable on main, I support you, I guess. Just remember, Taaks. We don’t keep secrets. Not from each other. Maybe from… the world, but not from each other.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Taako laced the rest of their fingers together, and held up their collective fist. “Ride or die. Womb to tomb.” 

Lup lightly hipchecked him. “Ride or die. Womb to tomb.” She was quiet for a moment. “Now that all that gross mushy shit is out of the way, you ready to show this sad excuse for a science department who's boss?” 

“Yo. I am so ready to go absolutely buckwild on some organic chemistry proofs.” 

“Big. Fucking. Worm.” 

 

\---

 

Chemistry was probably Barry’s favorite class. It would be his definitely favorite class if not for the unfortunate fact that it was the one class that he was forced to share with Lucas Miller. 

Lucas wasn’t completely awful, per se, but he  _ was _ incredibly annoying. If Barry was more into analyzing his life like it was a literary work, he would’ve said that Lucas was his character foil. Lucas was arrogant, self important, and pretentious. Barry and Lucas had started a not-so-friendly-rivalry when they were in the same fourth grade class. They’d been paired up for the science fair, and had spent the entire week they were given to prepare bickering over ideas. In the end, the two of them each made their own version of the assignment and left it to their teacher to choose. She refused (of course), but Barry and Lucas had been antagonistic towards each other ever since. 

In another reality, where Barry wasn’t best friends with some of the most friendly people on earth, he might’ve been able to avoid Lucas, but in this reality, Lucas had somehow attached himself to their friend group, and Barry couldn’t shake him. 

“She’s really nice, she’s from some town in Somalia that got, like, totally destroyed, and somehow her family knows my mom’s family, you know? Anyway, she’s only a freshman but -”

“I’m sorry Lucas,”  Lucretia said, cutting him off and looking tired. “Were you saying something?” 

Lucas blinked a few times. “Well, I was just talking about this foreign chick, well she’s my cousin but whatever, who -”

“Yeah, cool, great, hey Barry, are those the twins?” 

Barry looked up from the book he was ready, and pushed up his glasses (which really didn’t do anything to help, since they were smudged beyond belief). The twins were indeed looking semi-lost as they hovered in the doorway. Their pinkies were linked together, which Barry thought was very cute. He wondered if Lup had soft hands. Probably. Barry thought she looked like the type of girl whose hands would be all soft and moisturized. 

“I’m gonna go and talk to them,” Lucretia said. 

“Oh!” Barry said, jolting, and slamming his book shut. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll go with you.” 

Lucretia frowned at him, then shook her head. “Yeah, okay, whatever.” 

The portable was small and rectangular, with stale, hot air that came from the fact it was a strange aluminum tin left to bake people in the hot sun. Barry and Lucretia awkwardly maneuvered through the cramped desks, getting a few grumbles of protest. It was strange, that for a school of only one hundred and twenty three students, there was never enough room for them all. 

“Hey guys,” Lucretia said. 

“Oh, hey,” Lup said, throwing up a halfhearted peace sign. Barry noticed that she and Taako untangled their hands, in sync and seemingly without any prior conversation. 

“Um,” Lucretia said, knotting her hands together. “This is A.P. Chemistry? And normal chem is, uh, next door. Just so you know. I know that the schedule can be confusing but -”

“Oh,” Taako said. “Is this… is this A.P. Chemistry? Thank you so  _ fucking _ much, Lucretia.” He batted his eyelashes in a manner that somehow managed to be very threatening. His hand was at his chest. “I mean, me and my dear ol’ sister here just… well… ol’ Taako doesn’t know how to read!” He laughed, and it was filled with malice. “So, here, how about you, just uh, tell me what that says right there? What that class that’s supposed to be? Where I’m supposed to be, right now?” He smoothed out his schedule on his thigh and handed it to her. 

Lucretia grabbed the paper and read it over, opening her mouth slightly, and then closing it. 

“Taako,” She said, “I -”

“Oh, does it say we’re supposed to be  _ here _ ?” Taako said, snatching the paper back. “What a fuckin’ shocker!” 

He stalked over to the almost empty table that Lucretia and Barry had vacated, and sat a few seats away from Lucas on the stool where Lucretia had been sitting. 

“Wow,” Barry said to Lup, as a very small looking Lucretia walked shakily over to the table. Barry watched Taako dramatically throw his hands up but after a moment he also moved one seat over. “He can be kind of an asshole sometimes, huh?”

Lup scrunched up her face and then glared at Barry. “Don’t fuckin’ talk about my brother like that.” 

She walked to the table, sitting next to Taako and lightly resting her head on his shoulder. 

The tips of Barry’s ears burned red with embarrassment. He returned to the table, quietly sitting on the side of the Lucretia opposite of the twins. 

“So,” Taako said, jerking a thumb towards Lucas. “Who’s this chucklefuck?” 

“Oh,” Lucas said. “I’m Lucas Miller. I’m Mrs. Miller’s son. And you are?” 

“Hold on a second,” Lup said. “Mrs. Miller like the teacher?” 

“Uh, yeah?” 

Barry watched as Lup looked between Lucas (white, pasty, dressed in a polo shirt and khakis), and Mrs. Miller (very dark skin, dark eyes, wearing a deep red al-amira and a black blazer over a light grey maxi dress), then back to Lucas (general air of white fuckery), then back to Maureen (general reputation as being the best). 

“You’re her son?”

Lucas sighed. “Okay, fine, technically she’s my step mom but like… she’s my mom. Like how Davenport is Lucretia’s dad.” 

Lucretia bit her lip at that. 

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” Lup said, disinterested once again. Barry spent the whole class period trying to catch her eye, to apologize, but she was firmly fixated on the board.

 

\---

 

Lucretia lead Lup and Taako to the cafeteria. In Taako’s lifetime, he’d been in many cafeterias, he had attended more public schools than he cared to keep count of, and they were all the same. Moonview High School was no different. 

Lucretia informed him that they were so small that everyone had the same lunch period, so there were about a hundred and twenty five kids packed into a room that did not seem to fit a hundred and twenty five kids. Lup started for the lunch line, that wrapped and trailed around the walls of the cafeteria, but Lucretia stopped her. 

“Magnus has study period right before lunch, so he always gets here early and picks up food for everyone,” She said. 

Lup nodded. Taako’s stomach turned. 

Right. Food. That. He’d have to eat. 

School lunch had never been appetizing, and with Taako’s weird… food thing that had going on lately, his aversion to the idea was doubled. Lucretia must have noticed the look on his face, because she said, “Yeah, it’s pretty gross. Usually we just eat something small to tide us over and then like… gorge when we get home, you know?” 

The thought of “gorging” brought up some very unpleasant memories, but Taako nodded still, feeling very far away. 

“What about those other people who invited us to eat with them?” Taako whispered to Lup. 

“Who?” Lucretia asked. 

“Nothing,” Lup said. “Twin stuff.” 

Taako did a preliminary sweep of the cafeteria. He didn’t see the other pair of twins, but he did see Magnus, standing shakily on a stool, waving and shouting for them to come over. 

Lup shrugged, and Taako responded in kind. 

“They were assholes anyway,” Lup said. 

He walked to the lunch table, floating and shimmery, as if there was a watery shield around him. A watery shield that thankfully broke, showering upon his head and waking him up, when Julia pulled an arm around him and pulled him towards her cheek. 

“How’s your first day been?” Magnus asked, when Julia released him. He was on her other side. 

“Oh, you know,” Taako said, shrugging. 

“School is generally shit,” Lup supplied for him. 

“Most things are,” Johann said, nodding glumly. Avi poked him in the ribs. 

“Even me?” He asked, flashing him a shit eating grin. Johann smiled for a second. 

“Nah. You’re alright.” 

Magnus handed Taako a tray. “I didn’t know what you guys wanted so I just went the Barry route and got you fries.” 

He passed Barry some fries as well, and gave Lucretia a limp looking salad. 

“Cool, thanks,” Lup said. Taako felt her squeeze his hand under the table. 

Next to Magnus, Carey, who was munching on what looked like a peanut butter sandwich said, “Do any of you guys know how to make cookies? Or like, brownies?” 

Avi snickered. “This guy Robbie in my history class knows how to make some pretty baller brownies -” 

Killian beaned him in the head with a rolled up ball of tinfoil. Johann and Avi did a quick high five. 

“Nice,” Magnus said. 

“It wasn’t even that nice,” Carey said. “You have to actually be clever to get a nice. Just  _ referencing _ weed doesn’t make things nice.” 

“Okay, fair, but which one of us lives with the world’s oldest stoner, Carey?”

“Merle is not the world’s oldest stoner,” Lucretia said. “Maybe second oldest, but I’m pretty sure Paloma is older.” 

“Paloma smokes weed?” Barry asked. 

“If Paloma doesn’t smoke weed I will face god and walk backwards into hell because this would truly be the darkest timeline.” 

Julia nodded. “I’ve only ever talked to Paloma like twice, but she’s a deffo stoner.” 

“Also, have any of you actually seen Merle smoke weed?” Carey asked. 

“Technically?” Barry said. “No.” 

“But he does!” Magnus insisted. “I swear to Pan. You guys have been in Mrs. Greene. Plus he has a car named Mrs. Greene! That man is smokin’ weed! He’s got reefer madness! He’s getting the ganja! He has the hash! Loves the herb! The dope! Grass! Mary Jane! Chronic! Wacky Tobacky!” 

Magnus grew in intensity with every synonym. Julia was in stitches behind him. 

“Oh my god,” She gasped. “Stop.” 

Magnus smiled. 

“The blunt! The bammer! 420! Chief! Spliffy! Skunk! Fuck, what’s another one… uh… uh… uh…” 

“Sticky icky icky?” Lucretia said, voice absolutely deadpan. 

Julia wheezed. 

“What?!” Killian said. “What were the words that just came out of your mouth?!” 

Lucretia looked Killian dead in the eyes. “You know,” She said. “The sticky. Icky. Icky.” 

“Where did you even find that?” Carey asked. “I’ve never heard any of those.” 

“Just my number one source for urban slang, online-slang-dictionary-dot-com.” 

“Oh yeah, I think I’m familiar with that site,” Barry said. “I have to consult it when I’m translating what Carey, Killian, and Julia are talking about in the groupchat.” 

“It’s not our fault you’re an old man, Barry,” Killian said. 

“You are literally two months older than me,” Barry responded. 

Taako bit the inside of his mouth, watching all these conversations like an intense sports match. Watching people interact with each other was a terrifying and unfamiliar experience. 

“Oh my god!” An unfamiliar someone’s voice said, cutting through the chatter. “Lucas, please, I can handle it!” 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry for trying to help!” The nasally voice of Lucas Miller responded. Taako zeroed in on Lucas following a young girl in a wheelchair. He was holding up his hands like they’d just been slapped away, and she was wheeling herself towards the table. 

“Right,” Lucas said. “This is where I sit.” 

The girl nodded. She had very dark skin, and was wearing a pink floral hijab with a long grey cardigan, a long white button up shirt-dress, and black leggings. Her skin was dotted with freckles. 

“Lucas?” Lucretia asked. “Who is this?” 

“Seriously Lucretia? I told you about her. In chemistry? Last period?” 

Lucretia blinked. “Right, yes, of course, I was just hoping you could… tell the rest of the table.”

Lucas very over exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. 

“Everyone, this is my cousin Noelle -” 

“Nawaal.” 

“What?” 

“My name, it’s Nawaal.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I said. So, Noelle -”

“ _ Nawaal _ .”

“That’s what I said!” 

“Ugh. Nevermind.” 

Lucas rolled his eyes again. Taako did not like this dude. Lucas continued. “Noelle is my cousin from Somalia, and her village got like, bombed or whatever -” 

“Bombed or whatever?” Noelle/Nawaal said. “Are you serious -” 

“I’m sorry!” He sighed. “I meant, Noelle’s village fell prey to the horrible instability in Somalia -”

“The watered down CNN version is not better.”

“And so she’s staying with me and my mom for the foreseeable future. She’s a freshman and new to America and all that so if you guys could be nice to her that would be great.” 

He sat down with great aplomb. Noelle carefully maneuvered herself into the space between Lucretia and Lucas’ chairs, trying to sit at a very non-wheelchair accessible table. 

The rest of the table started peppering Noelle with questions, but Taako couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t really hear anything. He was just sort of staring off into space, staring at his fries, staring at nothing, drifting away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea of noelle being somali goes to my silent cowriter, the ever wonderful and deeply valid savannah, whomst you should follow on twitter @savannahshutup and tumblr @shutupsavannah (savannah never shut up i love you) 
> 
> as you may have noticed from my fic, i'm gay, and love projecting onto lup and taako adventurezone, and want to continue projecting all my trauma onto them in a dnd stolen century playthrough campaign. feel free to message me on the tumblr @aliensinflowercrowns for more details/if you'd be interested in joining!! (all roles are open except for lup and taako <3 <3 <3)


	15. xv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y'all: i want to see my LITTLE BOY  
> me *carrying angus*: here he comes!! 
> 
> aka, the twins first day of school, part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains scattered references to a character having an eating disorder, as well as some self hatred. it's all found after the line "angus took a bite of his sandwich."

Lup dropped Taako off at his A.P. Literature class with a worried look and a “the teacher’s kind of an asshole, but I don’t think it’ll be too much of a problem.” 

She walked down the hall to the music room, and opened the door. The room was large and spacious with soundproof paneling. Her eyes immediately fell upon Barry and Johann. Barry was plucking at a piano, and Johann was next to him, holding a violin. 

Lup walked up to the teacher. Deep breaths. She could do this. 

“Hi,” She said, putting on her ‘customer service’ smile. It was much more difficult to live her true authentic asshole self when Taako wasn’t there. “I’m, um, I’m Lup?”

The woman at the front of the classroom turned to her. She was thin and gaunt, and dressed in a variety of bright colors. 

“Ah, yes, hello! My name is Professor Marlow. And that is  _ Professor _ , not Miss or Mrs. or anything like that.”

Lup nodded. “Okay, cool.” 

“This class is for independent music study. We only take the best, and we mold you into real musicians. Do you have your instrument?” 

Lup’s face burned. “I… um… I don’t. I’m…” She shuffled on her feet. “I can play the violin but I… lost it.” 

_ I sold it to pay for hormones.  _

Professor Marlow’s face pulled into a frown. “We have some in class rentals, but you will need to get an instrument within the week, or find another class. I’m sure orchestra has some spots available.” 

Lup blinked. “No ma’am,” She said. “I’ll get… I’ll ask my - erm - my foster dad.” 

Professor Marlow nodded, and disappeared into her teacher’s office, which was more like a closet. She came out a few minutes later with a battered old violin case, and handed it to Lup. 

“You’ll need to tune it, and tighten and rosin the bow. I trust you know how to do that?” 

Lup nodded. She hadn't realized how excited she was to hold a violin again. It had been forever since she’d played. Her fingers were practically buzzing. 

She took the case and walked over to where Johann and Barry were. 

“You play violin too?” Johann asked, when she opened the case. 

“Yeah. On and off since I was six. I used to have this really nice one that Taako conned someone out of and gave me for my twelfth birthday but… I don’t have it anymore.”

Johann nodded. “This one used to be my mom’s,” He said. “She doesn’t play anymore.” 

Lup nodded absentmindedly, running her hands over the grain of the wood. She pulled the violin out, and rested it on her shoulder, beginning to tune it, her eyes closed slightly. 

She finished tuning it quickly, and began to just mess around, playing softly, mouthing words to songs that only she knew. 

“Raw talent, not much technique. Are you self taught?” The voice of Professor Marlow cut through her small reverie. 

“Oh, uh, yeah. I… mostly just like, YouTube? And fiddling around I guess. Figuring stuff out.” 

Professor Marlow smiled slightly. “Well. We’ll make a virtuoso out of you yet. Johann? Could you come with me please? I want to show you a new piece I found that would be perfect for your audition.” 

Barry smiled as Johann trailed after her. “He’s her star pupil,” He said. “She’s helping him get into Carnegie Mellon.” 

Lup raised an eyebrow. “Is he good?” 

Barry laughed. “Amazing. He’s… he’s way too good for this town. He deserves to be heard all over the world.” 

Lup nodded. “And you aren’t?” She asked. 

“What?” Barry said. 

“Too good for this town.” 

“Oh,” Barry shrugged. “I’m… I dunno. I mean, I like Moon? I’ve lived here for as long as I can remember. Since I was like… nine months old. I guess… I’ve always wanted to - nevermind. It’s stupid.” 

Lup cocked her head. “What?” 

Barry blushed. “You’d think it was dumb.” 

“No I wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah, you would.” 

“ _ Barold… _ you have to tell me now. I’m dying of suspense.” 

He scoffed. “Fine. I’ve always wanted to join the IPRE. It’s this… space exploration program? They’re really pushing scientific bounds. I’ve always… I’ve always been fascinated. By science. And space. All the possibilities of what could be out there just… waiting for us.” 

“That’s not dumb,” Lup said. 

Barry blushed slightly. “I’m sorry,” He said. “For earlier. What I said about Taako. That wasn’t cool.” 

“No,” Lup said. “It wasn’t. But it’s fine. I’m not mad at you. I’m not good at holding grudges.” An image of Sazed flashed in her mind, followed by an image of Greg Grimaldis. The latter was accompanied by less white hot anger than the first, but not much less. “Well, in most cases.” 

Barry laughed. His voice was shaky. 

“So,” Lup said. “You play piano?” 

“Nah, I just, uh, like to sit at the piano and plunk on the keys. I’m not actually sure what I’m doing in this class. What’s a piano?”

Lup rolled her eyes. “Wow, so funny.” She smiled, despite the terribleness of the joke. “How long have you played?” She asked. 

“Not super long. Like… seven or eight years.” 

Lup nodded. “Cool,” She said. “Taako plays the piano. Or he did. We had this one fuckin’ awful foster family who made us do all these extracurriculars and shit and they made him join like the school band or whatever and so he stopped playing out of spite, but he was pretty okay, for a while.” 

“Well, I have a piano at my house, if he ever wants to come over for a no-stress jam sesh.” 

“I’ll talk to him about that.” 

Lup returned the violin to its playing position, and started on a rusty melody that reminded her of her mom, her aunt, her brother, and the rain. 

 

\---

 

Lup and her brother are five years old, and they get to stay with their Auntie for a long time. Aunt Bella came to their house a few days ago, and didn’t leave. She and Momma don’t seem very happy, but Lup and Taako are excited. 

They’re in the car, and it’s really cool, because it’s a rainy summer, and they’ve never been in the car for this long. Momma and Auntie are in the front seat, and Auntie is talking about how they’ll get their own room at her house and won’t have to sleep on the couch anymore, and how her house is big and clean and she’s gonna make them a big fancy meal, because Auntie is a chef at a schmancy restaurant. 

Lup smiles, she’s missing a tooth, and she doesn’t say anything, cause she doesn’t like to talk much. People are less likely to get mad if she stays quiet. 

“I’m excited,” She signs to Taako. 

“Me too,” He responds. 

Auntie’s house is big, and wooden, and old, and the smell of rain seems like it’s seeped into the foundation. When they get to the house, Momma goes inside, goes upstairs, and slams the door to her room shut. Auntie smiles at them and says, “Well, let’s get your stuff then.”

They packed up all of the stuff they could fit in the car. Auntie said they’d go back for the rest later, but Lup isn’t sure if they actually will. 

They bring everything into the house, and Auntie smiles. She has lines on her face when she smiles, but they’re pretty. She’s very pretty. She likes to wear big skirts. 

She sits them up at the barstools and gives them ice cream before starting on dinner. She turns on some music without words and explains to Taako and Lup everything she’s doing as she does it. She grimaces, but then takes some pills for her headache, and smiles again. 

She makes them some fancy chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, and Momma doesn’t come down for dinner, but at least Lup and Taako aren’t eating alone. 

Later, Auntie tucks them into a bed so big it feels like an island, and leaves the radio on with more of the wordless music, and Lup falls asleep with her arms around her brother, feeling safe. 

 

\---

 

“Can I help you?” The secretary asked, after Taako had stood in the office awkwardly for at least ninety seconds. 

“Yeah. Um. Mr. Leon sent me to the principal’s office?” 

“Who?”

“Mr. Leon.”

“Who?” 

“The teacher. The A.P. Literature teacher.” 

“You mean Mr. Llewellyn?”

“Yeah, sure whatever.” 

The secretary sighed. “Principal Hawthorne is busy at the moment. I guess you can just talk to Miss Prophet about it.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

Taako walked down the hall, for the second time that day, to Paloma’s office. Except this time, he couldn’t stop thinking about if she smoked weed. 

He reached his hand up to knock on the door, but before he could connect, she called for him to “Come in!” 

“How’d you know I was out there?” Taako asked after he’d walked into the office and sat down in a chair. 

“I am psychic,” Paloma said, looking at him over her small old lady glasses. There was an uncomfortable pause before she said, “I kid, I kid. The secretary, she texts me.” 

Taako nodded. “Okay. Cool.” 

“So. Taako. What happened?” 

“Right. Well. Um. Mr. Leon -”

“Who?”

“My English teacher. He didn’t want to call me by my name so I’m not calling him by his.” 

“Leon. I like that. He is a pill, no?” 

Taako laughed, surprised. “Uh, I guess. But, he thought that I was playing a joke on him when I insisted that my name was actually pronounced ‘Taco’. So like. Yeah. He sent me here. To like… teach me a lesson or whatever? It’s honestly not a big deal. It’s happened before.” 

Paloma nodded. “How did you get this name anyway?” 

Taako shrugged. “Beats me. I was born in a bathtub to a woman hyped up on NyQuil so I couldn’t explain her reasoning if you paid me.” 

“Ah. That is usually the way. You know what ‘Paloma’ means? It means ‘Pigeon!’ Why would you do that to a child? Do you want tea, Taako?” 

Taako shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Um -”

“I’ll get you tea. You can have scones as well, if you like.”

“No - er - no thank you,” Taako said quickly. 

Paloma looked at him for a second, then nodded. “Alright.” 

She placed a saucer in front of him, with herbal tea in it. Rather than a teabag, Paloma had used a mesh ball full of real herbs. Taako was no expert, but he was pretty sure that there was some lavender in there (along with whatever weird plants Paloma had thrown together). He took a cautious sip, and decided that drinking it would probably be fine. 

“So,” She said, sinking into her overstuffed office chair. 

“Please don’t ask me to tell you about myself,” Taako interjected. He sighed. “I’ve had… honestly, I’m so tired of myself. Of talking about myself? Of just… existing. With myself.” 

He bit the inside of his cheek at the sudden outburst, and took another, larger quick sip of tea. It burned its way down his throat, even though the mug was at a perfectly safe drinking temperature. 

Paloma raised one small eyebrow. “Oh?” She said. “Why is that?” 

Taako sighed. “God. Fuck. I didn’t, honestly? I didn’t mean to… say that. Look. I’m fine. Okay? I’m fine.” 

“Oh yes,” Paloma said. “I can tell from the way that your hands are constantly shaking and you never look people in the eye that you are in perfect health.” 

Taako choked a bit on his tea. “I -” 

Paloma looked at him piercingly. “It is alright, Taako. I can see in the way you carry yourself that you have had a difficult past. Just remember, healing is a process, no?”

Taako picked at his fingernail. “Uhh, I guess? I mean, nothing like that has happened so like  _ fuck you _ but if you wanna ramble at me about healing while I sit here, that’s way more preferable than going to class so it’s whatever.”

Paloma smiled, thin and strained. “I prefer… ‘dispensing words of wisdom’ over ‘rambling’, but if that’s what you want to call it, that’s alright. How long has it been since you slept a full night?” 

“What? What the fuck does that mean? Why would you ask that? Can you just like… chill? Maybe? Can I go to class now, actually?” 

Paloma scribbled something on a bright pink paper. “Go home, Taako. Take a nap.” 

“Take a  _ nap _ ? Are you fucking kidding me? The only people that fixes problems for are toddlers.”

“Then it’ll be a perfect fix for your current attitude.” 

Taako stood up. “Hey, actually? Fuck this. Fuck you.” 

She sighed. “Go home, Taako.” 

Taako huffed. Why was she being so chill about all of this? She was a teacher. She was supposed to yell and scream and smack him and send him back to class and he would get an aching cheek and the satisfaction of knowing how to push all of her buttons. He snatched the paper. 

“Fine.” He spat.

He snatched the paper from her hand and showed it to the secretary. She nodded to him, and he left the school, shoving old earbuds into his ear. He considered going to the nearest bus stop and skipping town, but he couldn’t leave Lup in the lurch, and besides even though his backpack had everything he’d  _ need _ he was pretty sure that his favorite skirts were still hidden in the back of Lup’s side of the dresser. So, his feet quickly found their way to Merle’s doorstep. 

The green monstrosity that was Merle’s car was absent from the driveway, leaving only the cherry red motorcycle. He breathed a sigh of relief. He could sneak in, and just fucking kick it while no one else was home.

Taako pulled out the key that Merle had given him and unlocked the door. Despite what he’d said to Paloma, the idea of a nap was quite appealing. Taako didn’t usually dream when he was napping during the day, a welcome change from the way he’d been waking up almost every night. He kicked his shoes off, thinking that he’d have to make sure to pick those up on his way back to his room before everyone else got home. 

He exhaled loudly and flopped onto the couch. 

“Oh my god!” Someone yelled. Taako sat up with a start, curling immediately in on himself to form a small ball. 

“What? What happened! I’m sorry!” He said, instinctively. His hands flew over his ears. 

“Sir?” The first voice said. Taako couldn’t hear them. The blood was rushing in his ears as he waited for… something. For the screams to start, for the blow to land, for his body to be yanked into an upright position because he was supposed to “look at me while I’m talking to you, boy!” 

Someone rested a small hand on his shoulder, and Taako flinched. The hand was released. 

“Sir?” They said again. “T-Taako?” 

Taako slowly uncurled, to see the bespectacled brown face of Angus McDonald, looking concerned. 

“Shit,” He said, his voice shaky. “Aglet. Didn’t see you there.” 

“It’s, um, it’s alright. Sorry.” 

Taako moved into a more comfortable position, perched on the couch with his knees as close to under his chin as he could be. Small as possible. 

“So,” Taako said, trying to act chill in a decidedly not chill situation. “What are you doing home from school so early?” 

Angus went rigid. “Nothing!” He said. “I’m not even here! I mean. Middle school actually, uh, it gets out. Early. Right now. So. Here I am. Um. Here. At home. Legally! Obviously. Why would I even say that? Of course I’m here legally. Fuck. I mean! Frick. I. You. Um. So. Yeah.” He spread his hands out in a now-you-know kind of motion.

Taako raised an eyebrow. “I super don’t care, but also,  _ what _ ?” 

Angus stared at his shoes. “Sometimes… sometimesIcheckmyselfoutofschoolandcomehometoread.” 

He held up a particle physics textbook like it was a bag of illegal cocaine. “I’m ashamed. I’m sorry.” 

“Wait a minute,” Taako said. “You leave school, so that you can come here, and do more school?” 

“... Yes.” Angus said. 

“That’s the dorkiest god damned thing I’ve ever heard. Tell me everything. Does anyone know? How often do you do this? How long have you been doing it for? How are you getting away with it?” 

“Look, sir, er, Taako, I know that it’s bad and I’ll stop if you promise not to tell Merle and I’ll just go back to school and -” 

“Little dude. Calm yourself. I think it’s dope. Angus this is the only rad thing anyone has ever done in this one pony town. So like I said. Tell me everything.” 

A ghost of a smile flitted across Angus’ lips. He sat in one of the overstuffed armchairs. 

“Well… I’ve been doing it… um… since a few months after I got here? So a little over a year I guess. And I do it like, uh,” He went red in the face. “Every Monday and Wednesday? At lunch. I uh… I told the teacher I had therapy. And that’s why I had to leave. Cause she knows I’m, um, ‘troubled.’” He made air quotes around the word troubled. 

Taako laughed. “Hell yeah. Exploit the system. I love it.” 

Angus blushed harder. “Um. Yeah. They’ve never… questioned it? My teachers actually kind of let me do whatever I want. Apparently they think I’m one step away from the deep end so…” He chuckled bitterly. “So, I just walk here, and then I go back to school to get picked up. And no one knows. Well, except Barry.” 

“Barry?! Barold knows! You told him, before you told me, Taako, your very best friend?!” 

“Taako I’ve only known you for like, two days -” 

“Details, details. Barry’s a nerd! He looks like one of those people who took an extra cookie at dessert and then tried to report himself to the cops!”

“Well, I didn’t tell him, exactly. He, uh, he was home sick one day? And I didn’t remember that he was. And he caught me sneaking into his room to steal one of his books. So. But he’s kept it a secret -” He paused. “I mean, as far as I  _ know _ he has. You won’t tell anyone, will you?” 

Taako waved his hand. “Ango. Chill. Of course not. Taako’s not a narc.” Angus nodded, and went to grab his book again. Taako stood up, and stretched. 

“Well,” He said. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

Angus cocked his head to the left. “You’re leaving?” 

“Yeah? Thought the house was empty, but it’s not, so I was just gonna go up to our room.” 

“Oh. I mean. You can stay? If you want. I don’t mind.” 

Taako bit his lip. “Oh. Uh. Okay.” He moved over to the couch, sitting down, and once again, pulling himself into a small, boxy position. He and Lup used to squeeze into one armchair when they had to sit with other people. Their Auntie would say they could be contortionists. She’d gone so far as to enroll them in gymnastics. They’d been able to keep up with it, going to the Neverwinter YMCA. It kept them out of the house, and was an actual hobby, so their foster parents couldn’t really say anything about it. Besides, there was some charity that sponsored extracurricular activities for foster kids, so the classes were free. 

Taako tapped his fingers on his knee, uncomfortable in the silence and the company of others. 

“You said you left at lunch?” He blurted. 

Angus looked up from his book. “Uh, yeah?”

“So, um, have you eaten?” 

“Oh. No. I was gonna make a sandwich, but I got really distracted by this chapter on string theory. This author has a really interesting perspective that I haven’t really heard before and -”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taako said. “I get it. You’re a nerd. Do you want me to make you something?” 

“You want to make me food?” 

“Don’t read too much into it. Do you want it or not?” 

“Um. Sure?” 

“Cool.” 

Taako stood up and walked to the kitchen, passing through the small archway that separated the two rooms. 

“Well?” He called back. “Are you coming? I don’t have all day.” 

“Oh!” Angus said, hopping off the chair and sitting down in one of the barstools. 

“So,” Taako said, opening up the fridge. “Not that I care about any of that nerd shit, but, um, you were, uh, talking about string theory? So, uh… what’s - what’s, uhh - what’s - what’s up with that?” 

A bright smile lit Angus’ face. He launched into an explanation of string theory, and Taako moved around the kitchen, finding the various spices and ingredients that he needed. He was almost reminded of himself and Lup sitting at their Auntie’s counter while she cooked. Almost. 

“So,” Angus said. “Basically, scientists came up with string theory because they needed a way to reconcile–um, sorry, fit together–general relativity, you know, stuff like gravity?, with quantum physics. So basically, string theory says that everything is made up of these little filaments-”

Taako opened his mouth to inform Angus that of course he know what filaments were, Angus, what was he, a kindergartener, but that would’ve blown up his whole spot, so he didn’t. 

“So, string theory exists to be this way of unifying all the fundamental forces of the universe. And, string theory predicts this whole new kind of connection, called supersymmetry, that’s a connection made between these really different particles. So, bosons and quarks usually-”

“All fermions, not just quarks”

“What?” 

“Supersymmetry connects all fermions, not just -” Taako slammed his mouth shut.  _ Shit _ .  “I mean, what? Hey, would you look at that? Food’s ready.” 

“Do you, are you like, have you read up on string theory?” 

“Argyle, stop talking to me about your shoelace theories and eat your damn sandwich.” 

Angus looked at him suspiciously, but took a bite of his sandwich. 

“Holy shit!” He said, and for a moment, Taako’s vision blurred, filled with visions of puking and choking and grasping at his throat, before Angus continued. “This the best grilled cheese sandwich I’ve ever eaten! How did you get it to  _ taste _ like that?” 

Taako laughed, but it was shaky and uncertain, the false bottom of a drawer of secrets. “Well,” He said. “That’s just how we do.” 

Angus took another big bite. “I just… this is so good! You have to make these for everyone.” 

Taako bit his lip. “Um, yeah. Maybe later.” 

“Are you gonna make one for yourself?” 

Taako took a deep breath, his mind ticking up with calorie counts and his stomach turning with bile. 

“No, I… I already ate. At school.”

“But this is way better than any school food -” 

“Hey Agnes, when do you have to go back to school? It’s almost two thirty.” 

“Oh shit!” Angus said, conversation thankfully abandoned. “I gotta go!” He dropped the sandwich on his plate and grabbed his book and backpack, running towards the door. 

“Thanks for the sandwich! Bye Taako, love you!” Angus stopped dead. “Er - sorry. Force of habit. See you later.” 

Taako nodded, but Angus was almost out the door. He walked over to the counter, and stared at the half eaten grilled cheese sandwich. 

_ He didn’t take it with him because it tasted awful. He’s disgusted by you. You think you’re a good cook? You think you’re intelligent? You think you’re  _ anything _? You’re barely a person.  _

Taako mechanically cleaned up the kitchen, and slid the rest of the sandwich into the trash, ignoring the devilish growling of his stomach. 

A nap sounded good, actually. 


	16. xvi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup and taako's first day of school part 5
> 
> aka - lup does a hit
> 
> aaka - god finally we're done with this day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains descriptions of physical violence, minor homophobia and racism/bullying, and past child abuse. for the physical violence and bullying skip from "God Lydia what do you want" to "Drop it, Lydia!" and for the past child abuse skip from "I don't know what to say" to "sometimes I still feel like that"

Lup had been informed by a call from the office in seventh period that Taako wasn’t feeling well and had gone home. Paloma had ignored her pleas to go home as well if Taako wasn’t feeling okay, and now she was stuck in P.E. 

P.E. was a complicated subject for Lup. On the one hand, she actually enjoyed exercising. On the other hand, one time when she was changing in the stall in sixth grade some girls thought it would be a cool and fun thing to pull open the door and expose Lup to everyone in the room, which lead to a really great conversation (full of fists and kicks) and eventually Lup got suspended and had go have a really really good and fun and awesome talk with her foster parents which ended with another really attractive and sparkling black eye that just went with every top she wore! So yeah. P.E. was a mixed bag. 

Lup had been give a gray top and a pair of black basketball shorts with the school’s logo on it (a moon being orbited by a flying saucer), and had thankfully been able to changing in the dressing room stall with no issue. She marched out with all the other juniors and seniors who had to take P.E. in the back half of their school year. Lucretia was on her left, a pained look on her face, and Julia was on her right, looking psyched. 

“Do you think we’ll play kickball?” She asked. “I’ll kick Maggie’s  _ ass _ at kickball. He likes to pretend he’s faster than me, but that’s bullshit. Everytime we race, I leave him in the  _ dust _ .”

“Beating Magnus at kickball would be an…  _ interesting _ topic for your English essay Julia. You know, the thing we were actually talking about?” 

Julia blushed. “Right. Sorry. I, um, wasn’t listening.” 

“Julia? Not listening? In our class?” Carey said. 

“Julia? Thinking about Magnus rather than paying attention? In our conversations?” Killian added. 

“Shocking,” They jinxed each other and then exchanged complicated high fives. 

“This is cyberbullying,” Julia said, but she didn’t seem upset. 

They walked into the gym, and the distinct smell of  _ high school gymnasium _ filled Lup’s nose. Her stomach turned. Experiences in high school gyms were usually only positive for the worst kind of people. 

“Luuuuuuuup!” Someone screeched, pulling her into a hug. Lydia, the girl from earlier, dressed in full cheerleading regalia detached herself from Lup and stared at her, a big smile on her face. 

“God, Lydia, what do you  _ want _ ,” Killian said, the scowl clear in her voice. 

“I’m sorry,” Lydia said, turning to Killian. “Shouldn’t you be on the  _ boys _ bleachers? We’re not supposed to intermingle yet… oh wait! Sorry, I got confused by all the fat dyke energy radiating off of you.” 

“Wow, homophobia?” Carey said. “That’s all you could come up with? You’re slipping, ‘Dia.” 

“Bite me, Samurai.” 

Julia sighed loudly. “Lydia, I know that you’re hoping if you talk enough we won’t notice that it looks like a blind monkey applied your lipstick or that your foundation is three shades too dark, but clearly we noticed so you can stop now.” 

Lydia ignored Julia completely, her eyes still zeroed in on Lup. 

“Lup, why are you hanging out with the Brady Bunch over here - wait a minute. Are you a  _ foster kid _ ?” 

Lup’s blood boiled and bile rose in her throat. 

“Oh babe,” Lydia said, voice full of mock pity. “You might have to deal with like, dirt and bugs and shit at home, but not here. This is the same period as cheerleading practice, and I was thinking you could come try out! I mean, your moves earlier this morning were totally great. Besides,” She leaned in close. “It smells over here.” 

Lup smiled, twisted and scheming. “You know,” She said. “My brother is usually the one who comes up with the quips, so like, forgive me for being brief, but like, fuck off?”

And she punched her in the face. 

Lup hadn’t punched someone in over a week, and the exhilaration of her knuckles connecting with someone else’s bones was like a drug. She stumbled a bit as she connected, and shook her fist out. 

Lydia screeched, blood spurting from where Lup’s fist had connected. A small voice in the back of Lup’s brain told her that she’d made her point, that she needed to stop, but Lup ignored it. 

Lydia made a grab for her hair, and Lup dodged it easily, sinking her knee into Lydia’s sternum. She knocked her to the ground, and Lup jumped, connecting her fists with Lydia’s face and body, and sometimes the floor of the gym, and the blood from Lup’s knuckles intermingled with the blood from Lydia’s… everywhere, and then Lydia wasn’t Lydia anymore, she was Sazed. And Lup’s mom. And the girls and guard from juvie. And every foster parent who’d dared to lay a hand on her or her brother, and she didn’t realize someone was screaming her name until the rough arms of Magnus Burnsides wrapped around her and pulled her off of the crying Lydia. 

“I am going to kill you, foster bitch!” Lydia shrieked, running towards her brother. 

“Drop it, Lydia!” Magnus said, still holding Lup.

Lup strained against Magnus’ grip. “Put me DOWN, Burnsides!” She screamed. 

“Magnus!” The teacher yelled. “You got this?” 

“Yes, I got this,” Magnus replied, paying no attention to Lup. 

“You are going to _ pay _ for this!” Edward yelled over to Lup. 

“Oh my god,” Lucretia mumbled. 

Lup was being moved, and she did not appreciate it. She strained against Magnus, kicking his legs and trying to push at his arms. “Put me down, put me the FUCK down!” 

And Magnus wasn’t Magnus anymore, he was the guards at the prison, dragging her to solitary confinement. He was the police, pushing her into the back of the cop car. He was her foster parents, pushing her into a room by herself for “timeout.” He was the doctors, dragging her out of her aunt’s hospital room. He was the paramedics, holding her back as her mother was carted away into the ambulance. 

“Lup, Lup,  _ Lup _ -” 

“What!” 

“I’m gonna put you down. Do you promise to be chill?” 

Lup took a shattering breath. 

“Put me  _ down _ , Magnus.” 

“Do you promise to be chill?” 

“Yes! I’ll be chill! Just -” 

Magnus set her down gently, and she put her hand up on the wall to steady herself. She glared at Magnus. 

“ _ Never _ do that again.”

“Don’t act like an idiot and I won’t have to.” He turned to Lucretia. “Did you get the stuff?” 

She nodded. 

“What stuff?” Lup asked, ready to bolt. 

“I uh, used to get into a lot of fights -”

“ _ Used to? _ ” Carey said with a laugh. 

“Shut up, Carey. Point is, Lucy has a first aid kit in the Starblaster. I think we’re better stocked than most hospitals by this point.” 

“Barry grabbed it when he saw you lunge at Lydia,” Lucretia said. Barry walked into the hallway. “Got it,” He said, panting. 

“Here,” Avi said. “Give it over.” 

Barry wordlessly handed Avi the box. 

“Lup, let me see your hands,” Avi said. 

Lup looked at him apprehensively. “I’m fine,” She said. 

“You’re bleeding,” Johann pointed out. Lup shot a glare at him. “I’m just pointing out the facts,” He said. “That’ll affect your violin playing and then the Prof’ll kill you worse than either of the WonderBitches ever could.” 

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” Avi said. “I’m good at bandaging up cuts.” 

Lup bit her lip, and shoved her hands forward. Avi took them, and his hands were warm and steady as he methodically applied neosporin and carefully wrapped her knuckles in bandages. 

“You know,” Carey said. “You should plant your feet more. It’ll get rid of the stumble on your follow through.” 

Lup looked up at her. “Are you giving me… fighting advice?” 

Carey shrugged. “The big guy and I box. I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.”  

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked. 

Lup smiled, wryly. “Bold of you to assume I was okay before.” 

He sat down on the floor next to her. Avi released her hands. 

“We should all get back to class,” Avi said. “Yes, you too Barry, don’t give me that kicked puppy look.”  

Lucretia, patted Lup’s knee reassuringly, then turned to Barry. “Even if you head to the office with her they won’t let you in for the meeting. So think things through and don’t get in trouble for skipping without a hall pass.”

They all filtered back into the gym. The hallway was empty. 

“So,” Magnus said. “How do you want to do this?” 

Lup looked at him quizzically. “What?” 

“I tell you my tragic backstory and then you tell me yours, we sit in silence, or talk about bullshit, or, like, if you need to hit something, you can hit me. I promise I can take it.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I mean, like, no offense Lulu -”

“ _ Don’t _ .” 

“Noted. No offense,  _ Lup _ , but clearly you need to talk to someone.” 

“I talk to -”

“Someone who isn’t Taako.” 

“What the hell is wrong with talking to Taako?”

Magnus put his hands up. “Nothing! He’s just… he’s too close to it. You care about him too much. You don’t give a shit about me. You can say anything to me and you don’t have to worry what I’m gonna think of it.” 

She stared down the bridge of her nose. 

“I need glasses,” She said. 

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?” He said. 

“Yeah. I’ve needed ‘em since I was a kid. But we didn’t know ‘til we got taken in by the system, ‘cause we didn’t go to the doctor. Like, when I was little. My mom never took us.” 

Magnus nodded. 

“I… Like… I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I feel like…” She exhaled loudly. “I don’t know why I’m so, I dunno… violent? I… one time, when I was little, like real little, two or three, I smacked my dad. I don’t know why, I was two, there probably wasn’t a real reason, but I did, and he took his cigarette, and burned it into my hand.” 

She ran her finger over the circular burn on her palm. 

“My mom was so mad. She was screaming and yelling and she threw him out for like a week. He, um, he split. After that. And he left the cigarette on the arm of the couch, so Taako, he got up on the couch and burned the smoldering butt into his hand, in the same place. So that we matched.” She wiped at her eyes. Her hands stung. “I don’t… I don’t know why I’m like this. There’s always been this smoldering…  _ thing _ inside me. This anger. This…” 

“Fire.” Magnus said quietly. “Fire so bad that you feel like it’s gonna burn everything up. Burn you and everyone you love.” 

“Yeah.” 

Magnus breathed out. “My dad. He, uh. He used to hit my mom. And me, but like, mostly my mom. He was so fuckin…  _ mad _ . All the time. Mad cause he was useless. He was stupid and a drunk and so fuckin’ useless, and he took it out on her. And I was little and I would watch it and get so angry. Angry at him, for doing it. Angry at myself, cause I couldn’t do anything about it, and…” He traced a small pattern on his knee. “Angry at my mom. Cause she just kinda… took it. You know?” He let out a bitter laugh. “That’s awful. So fuckin’ terrible but -” He broke off. “One day, when I was like, eleven, I got so mad, and I was so sick of it, that I just, I jumped on him. I broke his ribs. I was big, even as a kid, but he was bigger. He took a bottle and broke it and… that’s how I got this.” He pointed at the scar over his eye. “And I was so scared, for so long, scared that I was gonna be just like him. I was gonna become him. Angry and mean and useless. Picking on people who were helpless cause I didn’t have any power anywhere else. I felt like a stranger in my body. A monster. And sometimes I still feel like that.” 

“Magnus -” 

“But I’m  _ not _ .” He said. “I’m not that. I’m not him. I’m not beholden to my anger. And you aren’t either. You aren’t the impulsive, angry actions that you take, you’re the person who would do anything to stop people from getting bullied. The person who would go to jail to protect your brother.” 

“How did you…”

He shrugged. “I might be a dumb meat shield, but, uh, takes one to know one, I guess?” 

“Don’t, uh…” 

“Yeah. I know. I’m not gonna damage your street cred.”

She laughed, bitter and caustic. “Thanks.” 

“Point is,  _ that’s _ who you are.” 

Lup sucked in a breath. “This… this is so fuckin’ cheesy,” She said. “You know that, right? What is this, a sports movie?” 

Magnus shrugged. “I make it work though, right? The cheesy speeches? It’s kind of my thing.” 

Lup made a so-so motion with her hand. “Thanks, Magnus,” She said, earnest for a moment. 

“Course.” 

It was quiet for a second. 

“You know we have to tell Merle though, right?” 


	17. xvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which much is talked about, but not a lot is said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for missing an update day lol!! i'm packing for college and am currently v busy!!! pls be patient the next few weeks as i settle into my new environment <3

The next day, Taako was glaring at the door. Magnus sat on the floor, petting a sleeping Fisher. 

“You know,” Magnus said. “I don’t think you have heat vision, but the way you’re looking at the door, I’m starting to question.” 

“I can’t believe that she got suspended on the first fucking day.” Taako said. Magnus couldn’t tell if he was actually upset with his sister, or just the whole situation. “And,” Taako said, pacing through the hallway. “I can’t believe they won’t let me in there!” 

“No offense, but why would Istus and Merle let you into their private meeting with Lup?” 

“Because I’m her twin you absolute walnut! We don’t  _ do _ privacy.” 

Taako leaned against the wall and sank down onto the floor next to Magnus. His hands were in his hair, and he mumbled something unintelligible. 

“What was that?” Magnus asked, leaning towards Taako. Taako’s head snapped up, and his eyes were rimmed red. 

“I should’ve been there,” He said, and his voice was steely. 

“Taako,” Magnus said, reaching for him. “It wasn’t your fault,” He touched Taako’s shoulder. Taako flinched, in the telltale way of someone who isn’t used to positive physical contact. Magnus drew his hand away. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

Taako aggressively pet Fisher. 

“Yeah. Well. It doesn’t fuckin’ matter whose fault it was.” 

Magnus opened his mouth to say something else, but Taako abruptly stood up and left the hallway, stomping down the stairs. Fisher raised her head at the sudden ending of affection. 

The twins door opened. Lup walked out, her combat boots amplifying the already loud steps on the creaky wooden floor. Her face was stone, deep in thought. 

“Hey,” Magnus said. 

Lup blinked a few times before looking at him. “Hey,” She said, voice monotone and quiet. 

“Um, Taako went -” 

Lup rubbed her eyes. “I don’t… I don’t really want to talk to Taako right now?” She said. “Is that awful?” 

Magnus shook his head. “Nah.” 

She sat down, and Magnus was struck again by how similar she was to her brother. Not only in the way that they talked or dressed or looked, but in the way that they moved. She leaned against the wall and sunk down gradually, pulling her boney knees up to her chin. Her hands met each other around her knees, and she looked small and young. 

“He’s gonna be so pissed,” She said. 

Magnus had to restrain himself from wrapping her up into a hug. He had always been a very physical person, and was better at expressing affection through touch than words, but the twins really only seemed to be physically comfortable with each other. 

“I don’t think he’s gonna be pissed at you. He didn’t seem… angry. Earlier. Well, I mean, he seemed angry, but not like, at you.”

Lup snorted. “No. He’s gonna be pissed. He’s been like… minorly pissed at me for a long time. And like… fuck. Maybe I deserve it? I’m always getting us in trouble. Sticking my big nose in other people’s business.” 

She sighed, and Magnus noticed how she pushed her tongue out through the gap her teeth, just like Angus. 

“I -”

“But he’ll get over it. I mean, what else is he gonna do. We’re twins. He’s stuck with me. Womb to tomb.” She sounded sardonic when she said it, as if it was something she didn’t really believe. 

“Well… if it’s any consolation, I’m not pissed at you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was a ding dong move, but Lydia totally deserved it. Er, well, maybe not  _ all _ of it, but I can’t really say anything without being a hypocrite. I did break her brother’s nose.”

“You broke her brother’s nose?”

“He deserved it.” 

She let out a low whistle. “Damn, Magnus.” 

He shrugged. “I’m not proud of it. Okay, well, maybe I’m a little proud. But the point is, I’m not pissed.” 

Lup made a strange face. “No offense,” She said. “But why would I care? Like, if you’re mad at me? We met like… three days ago?” 

Magnus blinked a few times. “Well, we’re friends, right? And we’re like, foster siblings -”

“That doesn’t mean  _ anything _ .” 

“No I know, I just thought -” 

“Look, Magnus, I’m not trying to fuckin… trauma bond or whatever the fuck. I’m just trying to make sure my brother and I get out of the system alive. I don’t have time to give a shit about other people.” 

Magnus nodded sharply. “Right. Yeah. Sorry.” 

The door opened again, and this time Merle and Istus walked out. Before anyone could say anything, Lup stood and walked into her room, the door swinging shut loudly behind her. 

Magnus stood up as well. “Hey Istus,” He said, pulling the small woman into a hug. She smelled like expensive perfume and clothes fresh out of the dryer. 

“Mmmmm hello, Magnus,” She said, rubbing his back in a way that was distinctively mothering. “How have you been? With all the change? I know we haven’t talked in a bit. If you want I could call your therapist again -”

“God, please, no,” Magnus said. 

Istus laughed. 

“I’m good,” He said. “Are Lup and Taako gonna be okay?” 

Merle scratched at his beard. “They’re gonna be fine. Lup’s suspended, couldn’t do anything about that. They were talkin’ about expellin’ her, but they’re’ve been so many problems with the Winder twins in the past that they figured the little brat prob’ly deserved. ‘Sides, Paloma stuck up for her, so that’s good. You know that principal never really liked me much.” 

Magnus nodded. 

“I talked to Lup about trying to find an outlet for her anger, like you with your woodworking and sports and such.”

Magnus nodded, again, thoughtfully. “What did she say?”

“Oh, you know, she told me to fuck off and get bent.”

“You should talk to her about joining the rugby team. Julia’s on it. And like, some of my other friends as well.”

“God, Magnus, when are you gonna grow a pair and ask that girl out?” Merle said. 

“Dad!” Magnus squawked, going red in the face. “What the fuck?!” 

Merle shrugged. “I’m just sayin’.” 

Istus laughed. “Alright, well, there are a few other things I need to discuss with you, Merle, if we could go somewhere private?”

“Privacy? In this house?” 

Istus raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll take ya to the back porch. Nobody ever goes back there. That’s Merle’s place.” 

Magnus stage whispered. “It’s where he goes to have sex with plants.” 

“What?” 

“You know it,” Merle said. 

“What?” Istus repeated. 

“It’s where I have my garden. Don’t worry, very PG, very appropriate for children, just like all things in this house.” Merle surreptitiously moved a rug on the floor to cover a nail sticking out of the floorboard. 

Istus nodded. “Sure, Highchurch.” 

“So, Izzy,” Merle said, leading her down the stairs. “How’s that son of yours. Still at that fancy private school?” 

“C’mon, Fish,” Magnus said, patting his leg. “Sitting on the floor made my ass fall asleep. Let’s go to my room.” 

When they arrived at Magnus’ room, he was only half surprised to find Angus upside down on his bed, sprawled out like a starfish, with his head hanging off the side and his glasses on his forehead. 

“Whatcha thinkin about, Ango?” Magnus asked. Angus often could be found in Magnus’ room like this, when he had some problem or issue he needed to talk out. 

“Have you ever seen Taako eat?” Angus asked, kicking his feet slightly. He was still wearing socks. Angus hated having his feet bare. 

“I mean, yeah? Probably. I think? I don’t really pay attention to that kind of shit.” 

Angus pulled himself up into a sitting position, his legs crossed and his hands neatly deposited in his lap. “Well I do,” He said. “Taako and I have had several conversations, well, two, actually, but I think that qualifies us as friends.”

Magnus snorted. “Don’t be so sure.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Nothing.”

“Don’t patronize me, Magnus.” 

Magnus tugged at his hair, and sat down next to Angus on the bed. (The bed that was actually just two mattresses stacked on top of each other, because Magnus preferred it low to the ground without a frame). “It’s just that… look. I like the twins. I guess. But I don’t know if they want to be friends with anyone else.” 

Angus nodded. “Sometimes bonds forged from traumatic childhoods can become so interdependent that any other sort of relationship feels like a betrayal of that initial bond.” 

“Yeah. So, what were you saying about Taako?” 

Angus shook his head. “Oh, I’m not saying anything yet. I’m still in the gathering data phase.” 

“Oh. Okay. Cool.”

They were quiet for a moment. 

“So,” Magnus said. “How was school?” 

“Well, I’m trying to get June to join the intramural soccer team, we really need a good goalie, and I think she’s just the person for the job. I’ve got a book report to do on to Kill A Mockingbird, and I don’t really understand why we’re reading that book again when we could read books about people of color actually written by people of color rather than apologist propaganda? Also we had this really gross starchy potatoes for lunch and it sucked. Have you asked Julia out yet?” 

Magnus groaned. “Why is everyone telling me to ask her out?! I don’t even know if she likes me!” 

“She likes you, Magnus.” 

“But how do I  _ tell _ ?” 

“Well, you could just stop being a pussy and ask her.” 

“Angus! You can’t say the word pussy!” 

“Why not?”

“Cause you’re eleven?” 

“People say way worse at school. And at home. Hell, Merle says worse on a daily basis.”

“Well Merle is a bad role model.” 

“ _ You _ say worse on a daily basis.” 

“Well I’m a bad role model, too.” 

“Stop avoiding the question, Magnus.” 

Magnus sighed. “Okay, not to get too ‘I had a bad childhood’ on main, but… I’m scared? That I’ll be a bad boyfriend. Or date, or whatever. That I’ll be like my dad. I can’t take that chance. I don’t want to hurt her. I would hate myself if I ever… lost control on her. Like, I pretend that I’m different and I’m not like him but what if… maybe I’m just being delusional.” He tugged at his hair, then looked up. “Sorry, Angus. Got a little, uh, heavy on ya there.” 

Angus shrugged. “I’ve had worse.” 

Magnus’ heart clenched. Angus didn’t talk a lot about his childhood, Magnus had never really understood what got Angus classified as a “troubled kid,” but he knew that his little brother had been through some rough shit. 

“For what it’s worth,” Angus said. “I think you’re the sweetest, kindest, and most considerate person I know, and any girl would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend.” He pulled Magnus into a bear hug, but his size made it more of a spidermonkey hug. It didn’t last for long, Angus had a lot of sensory issues surrounding touch, so he detached pretty much as soon as he attached. 

“Bye, Magnus,” He said, sliding off of the bed. “This conversation has been really enlightening.” 

“Yeah. Later kiddo.” 

 

\---

 

Taako wasn’t sure where he was going, he just knew he was down the stairs, out the door, and on the street with his hoodie up over his atrociously short hair when Barry Fucking Bluejeans called out his name. 

“Taako!” He said. “Hey! Hey Taako!” Taako sighed, and considered just continuing to walk, walking until he got to the edge of the earth, and then walking right off of that, into a dark oblivion. 

“What do you want, Bluejeans?” Taako asked, voice thick with venom. 

Barry bristled. “Whatcha… uh… whatcha doin’, bud?” 

“Oh,” Taako said, rehashing one of his favorite jokes. “You know.” But it didn’t bring him the usual cryptic satisfaction. 

Barry nodded. “You feelin’ alright?” 

“Jesus,” Taako said. “You people and your… talking to me. About my  _ feelings _ . What the fuck. Gross.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, bud.” 

“Like,” Taako said, fully in the middle of the street now. “I’m fine! I’m fuckin’ dandy! This wouldn’t be the first time Lup’s gotten us kicked out of a foster home. She’s… you know. She’s my sister, and I love her, but  _ Jesus _ ! Her and her morality complex.” 

Barry scratched the back of his head. “You wanna come in the house?” He asked. 

“I dunno…”

“Lucy and I got booze.” 

“Fuck yes.” 

The inside of the Davenport/Bluejeans household was almost polar opposite to Merle’s. Everything was clean, neat, and in its place. Taako got the sense if it was possible to laminate a house, this would be that house. Still, the feeling was similar. It was homey and welcoming, and the cleanliness was caring, rather than imposing. 

Barry lead Taako to the cozy living room, which had a noticeable lack of a television, once again, contrasted to Merle’s television equipped with a gaming system that had way too many controllers rigged to it. Rather, there was a piano, a chessboard, and several stuffed full bookcases, as well as a coffee table surrounded by overstuffed couches and chairs. Lucretia was curled up in one of the armchairs, wrapped up in a quilt, with a science book on her lap and a mug in her hand. 

“What’s in that?” Taako asked. 

“Taako?” Lucretia said. She was dressed differently than she had been at school that day, slipping out of her skirt and argyle tights for pajama bottoms and a large shirt that Taako would’ve guessed originally belonged to Barry as it dwarfed her frame and birdlike limbs. 

“Is there booze in that?” Taako pointed to the mug. 

“Uh, yeah? Whiskey and Mountain Dew. Barry can’t drink alcohol without some sort of chaser.” 

“Whiskey and Dew? Disgusting. Give it over.” 

Lucretia wordlessly passed him the mug. Taako took a long pull, the familiar burn of alcohol on his throat soothing in some way. 

He handed the mug back to Lucretia and sat down on the couch, feeling tall and gangly, naked without his sister. 

“So,” Taako drummed on his knees. “What are we doing? Also, how are you getting away with this? Isn’t your dad like… here?”

“Dav’s at Merle’s,” Lucretia said. 

“He never notices when his booze goes missing anyway,” Barry added. 

“Either that or he doesn’t care.”

“He’s never said anything before.” 

“So, like. L’chaim.” Barry lifted up his own mug, and he and Lucretia did a quick simultaneous toast. 

Barry walked over behind Lucretia’s chair and looked at what she was reading. He made a small comment in a low voice, and she responded. It was fascinating. Taako had never seen anyone move with the same synchronicity as himself and Lup, but these two almost matched it. Or, better yet, they had a synchronicity that was all their own. 

Lucretia snapped the book shut, and placed it on the table, gingerly lining it up with the corner so that it all looked like some sort of artsy arrangement one would find at Pottery Barn. She stretched, and Taako noticed that the shirt she was wearing had an image of a yellow chicken screaming and the caption “I SAID PISS!!!!!” 

He burst out laughing. 

“What?” Lucretia asked. 

“I just… fuck… your shirt! Oh my god! That is hysterical!” 

She frowned, and looked down at the shirt, before blushing a bit. 

“In my defense,” She said, “This is Barry’s, and it is very comfortable.” 

“Where did you find that?” Taako asked. “Lup would love it.” 

Barry shrugged. “I go to a lot of weird thrift shops. Also, my mom goes on a lot of international flights and tries to find me the weirdest shirts and shit so, I’ve got a pretty interesting closet.” 

He poured Taako his own mug of Whiskey Dew and then sat down next to him on the couch. 

“Lup told me you play piano?” He asked. 

Taako took a drink. “Was that before or after she broke some girl’s nose?”

“Mmm… before.” 

Taako smirked a bit over his mug. “I don’t,” He said. “Not really. Lulu’s the musical one. I tried but… wasn’t for me.” 

“I get that,” Lucretia said. “I saw Barry playing the piano as a kid and tried it. Marlena gave me one lesson before I quit. I have no sense of rhythm.” 

“Yeah, but you’re an amazing artist.” 

Lucretia waved a hand at him. “I don’t believe you. Go on.” 

Barry laughed. “See that?” He asked, pointing at the painting on the wall he and Taako were facing. “Lucy did that freshman year.” 

It was a picture Taako recognized as the view from Merle’s backyard, a loving portrayal of the overgrown garden, framed by the Monongahela forest in the distance and the dots that were small cars and houses. It was all in impressionist watercolor, and filled with so much caring and soul Taako couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before. 

“Wow,” He said. 

Lucretia shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the praise, even if it was so minimal. 

“You’re really good.”

“Not… really. I dunno.” 

“She was elected Vice President of the art club, but turned it down because of ‘prior engagements.’” 

“The art club only has like… eight members. Two of them draw exclusively anime porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! I just. Point is. Not really an achievement.” 

Barry rolled his eyes, as if this was a discussion they’d had many times before. 

“Seriously, Taako,” Lucretia said. “You should play something. If you’re comfortable.”

“This is a shame-free zone, my brother,” Barry said. 

“God,” Taako said. “In an alternate universe, you are an insufferable hipster.”

“What do you mean alternate universe?” Lucretia said. 

Taako took a large drink of his Whiskey Dew. “Liquid courage,” He mumbled. 

He walked over to the piano, and plinked out some memorized Tchaikovsky, who was his favorite composer, because he was gay. 

He sat down on stool, and the old concerto quickly transformed into something meaningful that he remembered from his mom’s old records, some jaunty Old Hollywood standard. 

He played for a few minutes, his hands morphing to half forgotten positions, and he was sure he was getting most of the notes wrong, but he didn’t really mind. 

But before Taako could be completely absorbed by the music, he was yanked out of his reverie by the sounds of fighting coming from somewhere right outside the house. 


	18. xviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup and taako have a much needed fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains explicit (though not graphic) mentions of a physically abusive relationship (skip from "cause you always know what's best" to "lup blinked. once. twice.), brief and passive suicide/self harm ideation (skip from "the small flame danced at her command" to "barry's light was on across the way"), and a night terror with severe unreality and surrealism that could be interpreted as a metaphor for sexual and physical abuse. (skip from "taako is laying on a bed" to "brown and green and brown and green and brown and green")

Taako walked up to the window to investigate. Lucretia and Barry followed him, twin looks of confusion taking up residence on their faces. 

Barry’s phone rang in his pocket. He answered, and put it on speaker. Magnus’ voice filled the room. 

“You see the dad fight?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” Barry said. 

“What are they fighting about?” Lucretia asked, stricken.

“Dunno,” Magnus said. “Ango and I got the popcorn. Lup’s here too. Say ‘hi,’ Lup.” There was a pause, then, “She flipped me off.” 

A small smile flitted across Barry’s lips. 

Taako didn’t have time to think about Barry’s obvious crush on his sister, he was too busy focusing on the scene in front of him. Or, more accurately, outside of the window, on Merle’s porch. 

Davenport and Merle were engaged in a furious conversation, with Davenport signing emphatically and Merle full on yelling. Taako could hear what he was saying both from the Davenport house and from Magnus’ side of the phone. Davenport’s side of the conversation was a little harder to make out, especially with his unremedied nearsightedness, but with a lot of squinting, Taako managed. 

“So irresponsible!” Davenport was saying. 

“Don’t fucking tell me what I am, Dav! You don’t get it -”

“I don’t get it? Merle, your guilty conscience  -”

“I do not have a fucking guilty conscience -”

“Then tell me. Tell me, Merle, about these good, non-violent kids that you’re inviting into your house, where you have one who's already a risk for anger issue and one who’s eleven -”

“I will! I will tell you about these kids, Davenport -”

“Lup!” Magnus’ voice cut through Taako’s brain like a knife. 

“What happened?” Barry asked. 

“She just… she just went upstairs. She seems really upset.”

“Oh fuck,” Barry was saying, but Taako was already out the door. He didn’t bother to close it behind him. He ran across the street, not looking either way, and walked through the two older men. 

“Taako,” Merle started, voice full of sympathy, but Taako was busy tearing through the house. 

“Taako!” Magnus said, surprised and standing up, but Taako was already up the stairs. He threw open the door to find his sister throwing clothes into a suitcase, methodic and angry. 

Taako closed the door behind him and stood there, waiting for her to talk to him. 

She threw an old skirt into the suitcase, then sighed, and looked up. Her face was blotchy, and as she ran a hand through her hair, Taako’s eyes zoomed in on her bandaged knuckles. 

“I’m sorry,” She said. “I know I fucked up.”

“Do you?” He asked. “Do you know you fucked up? Weren’t you the one talking about giving this place a chance? So we didn’t get fuckin’ torn apart again.” 

“Taako -”

“But that wasn’t about  _ you _ . No, not about the inscrutable, perfect  _ Lup _ ! That was a warning for Taako. Cause I’m the fuck up? I’m the fuckin… loose cannon. What do you want, Lup? Do you want to be the powerful defender of the weak, or do you want to be the hardass who only cares about me and mine? You need to make that choice, cause this fuckin… flip flopping is making you pretty shit at both.” 

“Seriously? You want to do this right now? Since when have you ever given a shit about whether or not we get kicked out of a foster home?” 

“I don’t want to be seperated -”

“Really? Cause you didn’t seem to care about that when you moved in with the first piece of shit chef who looked at you nicely!” 

“Really?! You want to bring him into this?” 

“I just think it’s interesting how you suddenly care about being seperated when you were the one who left -”

“Left? I left? What about you. You left me  _ alone _ , for a  _ year _ .” 

“Yeah! Cause I got dragged to juvie -”

“No one asked you to get involved!” 

“You did! Nothing would’ve happened if you didn’t need me to save your sorry ass from your own bad decisions!” 

Taako stopped. “Fuck. You.”

“Taako -”

“No. No, no, no. I did not ask you to get involved, in fact, I remember explicitly telling you multiple times not to get involved, but you and your fuckin’... maternal complex decided what was best for me! You have to fix everything! Cause you always know what’s best!” 

“He  _ hit _ you!”  

“He  _ apologized _ !” 

“Do you hear yourself right now?!”

“Well, I guess it is interesting how every prominent figure in my life seems to solve all their problems with their fists.” 

Lup blinked. Once. Twice. Her voice was a wisp. “Don’t you  _ dare _ . Don’t you dare compare me to him.” 

“Or else what, Lup. What are you gonna do. You gonna hit me?” 

A few stray tears slipped from Lup’s eyes. She made no effort to wipe them away. “You’re such an asshole,” She said, and her voice cracked. 

“Yeah,” Taako said. “And you’re an idiot.” 

They were quiet for a moment, standing on opposite sides of a bed, feeling as though they were standing on opposite sides of the world. 

And then Lup laughed. And tears sprang from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” She said. 

Taako cracked a smile, and sniffed. “Yeah. Well. Me too.” 

He walked over to her, and wrapped her in a hug. “Love you, goofus,” He whispered. 

“You too, dingus.” 

And all was not forgiven, but rather, it was no longer mentioned. Because when you only have one other person in the world, you can’t afford to be mad at that person. The twins didn’t do arguments, or anger. They had quick spouts of intense feelings that were soon overtaken by love and fear, and banished to the bottoms of their stomachs to rot and fester. What other choice did they have? 

 

\---

 

Lup was on the roof again, her cigarette sending desperate smoke signals to an uncaring and unwatching universe. Taako had been awake when she’d left, but once she assured him she wasn’t going to disappear or jump off the roof, he’d gone back to his nightly routine of listening to music and staring at the wall until he either fell asleep or the sun rose. 

Merle had come in to tell them, quite awkwardly, he was sorry about his fight with Davenport and he was not kicking them out, which was nice, but didn’t really change anything. Rather than unpack her suitcase, Lup had simply stuck it on the floor of the closet. 

She was running low on hormones, and had to resort to her needles, which were old and unsafe. She really needed to find someone who was dealing nearby. Any pretense of asking Merle for legitimate stuff had been dashed after today. Lup took a long drag and closed her eyes, wishing she could float away into nothing like the smoke of her cigarette. 

She leaned back onto the roof so that she was laying down. The textured shackling scratched through her thin shirt, something old that she found in the attic of her grandfather’s barn when she was nine. She’d been hiding from him, or maybe from one of her cousins. Vindictive little shits never liked her much. 

Lup felt like most of the things she owned were old. Old and stolen. Relics from someone else’s life, memories from someone else’s brain, and here she was, a stranger in their skin. She flicked her lighter. 

Once. 

Twice. 

Three times. 

The small flame danced at her command as she moved the lighter through her fingers. Lup had always loved fire. The unrepentant, unapologetic destruction of it. She’d learned to control it, to speak to it. There was a time, when she was younger, that her fingers would always be half charred, but she rarely got burns anymore. Not on accident anyway. 

She held up the flimsy, washerworn hem of the old shirt, and wondered, for a moment, what would happen if she lit it on fire. Would she go up in smoke, nothing but a fast burning piece of flashpaper? 

She burned a perfectly circular hole in the shirt with her cigarette. It joined a row of holes just like it. As she did this, the cool air kissed her stomach. She took another drag, holding in the smoke. Maybe if she swallowed it all she would light from the inside out. 

Barry’s light was on across the way. Next to her, Lup’s phone lit up. 

**_Barold Bluejarold_ ** : want company? 

**_Lup_ ** : Not tonight.

**_Barold Bluejarold:_ ** okay. take care of yourself, lup. 

His light switched off. 

The world was quiet for a few moments.

And then, there was movement below her. The front door opened, barely noticeable, and hulking, leather clad Magnus Burnsides emerged. With practiced, nimble movements, Lup got off of the roof, down the tree, and onto the ground, creeping up beside him. He was moving the cherry red motorcycle, flipping some switch that Lup assumed muffled the engine. 

_ This is probably dumb _ , she thought, before opening her mouth to speak.  

“Sneaking out through the front door? What is this, amatuer hour?” 

Magnus jumped, then whirled around. 

“Lup!” He exclaimed. “What are you… how did you…” 

“A magician never reveals her secrets,” Lup said, taking a drag and then blowing out smoke. Magnus coughed.

“Gross,” He said. 

“I thought you were reformed?” Lup said. “Going out for elicit motorcycle rides? Not a good look, Mango.” 

Magnus sighed. 

“Listen,” He said, then paused, then started again. “Look,” He looked between Lup and the motorcycle a few times. She could see the gears turning in his head. 

“Do you know how to ride?” He asked. 

Lup shrugged. “I’m okay.” 

A wicked grin spread across Magnus’ face. “You wanna see something cool?” He asked. 

Lup raised an eyebrow. 

“Always,” She said.

“Okay. But, uh, first you gotta change.” 

Lup started for the tree once again. 

“Lup?” Magnus called. She turned and looked back at him. 

“Hmm?”

“Dress to kill.”

 

\---

 

Taako is laying on a bed, the sheets soft against his skin. He is of two minds, able to both feel himself on the bed, and see himself, sprawled out. His long brown hair is slightly curled, with dyed blonde tips. He wears a dress, a long white nightgown, something his mother used to own.  

His eyes flutter, green and brown, green and brown, greenandbrowngreenandbrowngreenandbrown. 

The Taako watching the Taako on the bed sighs. He dives into his own chest, merging with himself on the bed, and becoming just one Taako. He strains against the bindings on his wrists, they are black and slimy, smelling of bile and keeping him tied to the bed. He strains again, shaking his body, as his limbs tie up in the nightgown, too big for him, a white, silken coffin. The bed is large, and he is small. Blood seeps from his back, staining the white sheets. He cannot find the wound. 

He moves his hands in slow circles, testing the bonds. They shiver at his touch, before circling down his arms, around his torso, his legs, covering him in slimy black vines. He tries to sit up, feeling oddly calm, but the vines tighten, squeezing him like toothpaste. His heart begins to beat, he can hear it in his chest. 

_ Beat. _

_ Beat. _

_ Beat. _

_ Beatbeatbeatbeatbeat. _

He cries out, trying to let out air, expel excess from his body so that he is small enough to survive in this hold, but all that comes out of his mouth are feathers. Black, and fluffy, scraping as his throat. He coughs up feathers. They cover his dress, they stick to the vines, and he is some sort of trapped and demented raven. He feels a scream bubbling in the bottom of his throat, but as he tries to let it out all he sees are feathers. Feathers and feathers and blackness and vines and oh  _ god _ he’s so  _ scared _ , where is his sister? 

Something stirs under the covers, the moving around the sticking, bright red blood. He tries to watch it, but the vines tighten around his throat, and his vision is obscured by feathers, blood, and white fabric. 

From his bed, the bed, whose bed, a creeping black darkness emerges. It slinks across the room, caressing the walls and corners, before reaching the same place that the other Taako had watched himself. It stares at him, and he stares back, tears in his eyes, before it shoots itself into the bottom of his stomach. Taako screams in pain, but all that comes out is more feathers. 

The darkness moves inside him, rotting his flesh from the inside out. Slick tears drip red down his face. It moves to his chest, constricting around his heart, drilling small holes in it. It moves through his lungs, burning like the cigarettes Sazed and Lup both smoke. It tickles and jabs at his throat, a million tiny needles of rot. Taako is a human in the body of a zombie. He screams, and it is shrill, rather than feathers, there is a blackness, a dark smoke of rot and bile that explodes from his mouth, covering his form. 

Taako lays there, bound and unable to move, tarred, feathered, and covered in blood, bile, sweat, and tears. 

And then it is gone. And all there is is Sazed, holding him as he cries, stroking his hair. And Taako should feel safe. But all he sees are his own eyes reflected in Sazed’s face, sobbing, brown and green and brown and green and brown and green. 

When Taako woke up, the bed was cold and empty. His breathing was laboured. The room was dark. His atrociously short hair was slicked with sweat. His face was damp with tears. He sat up, trying to regain some semblance of control over his body. 

Taako and Lup had always had good memories. Eidetic memories. Taako was better with words and faces, he’d never forgotten a book he’d read or a person he’d met. Lup was better with numbers. She could see someone’s credit card for a sliver of a second and have all their information memorized the next second. She remembered every phone number she’d ever seen. And as there so often was with the twins, their specialties intersected. Taako wasn’t usually the best with numbers, but sometimes things stuck in his head. Equations or digits of pi or important phone numbers. 

The memories of his dream were already leaving his mind, and Taako had always had a good memory, and he was alone. Maybe if he remembered his dreams, maybe if Lup was there, maybe if his memory were worse, maybe if the world were different and people were kinder and the brain was not destined to fall into the same horrible holes it had trained itself to do, maybe then things would’ve been different. 

But things were not different. 

Taako massaged his temples, and felt around for the glasses that Lup had left on her nightstand. He slipped them onto his face, partially reliving his headache and stabilizing his vision. God, Taako needed glasses. 

He pulled his phone off of the charger, shaking hands unlocking it. 

Phone. 

Keypad. 

Message. 

Seven numbers. 

Seven words. 

_ It’s Taako. I’m sorry. I love you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50K WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! (and still no kravitz. i'm sorry. i hate me too. he's coming. i promise.)


	19. xix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lup and magnus make bad decisions, but it's okay.

“Taako!” Lup whispered, climbing back in the window. “You awake.” 

“Barely,” Came the bitter voice of her brother from the bottom of the bed. He was sitting against the foot of the bed, one earbud in. 

“I’m going out somewhere with Magnus,” She said, opening up the closet, tearing through the various clothes. “You want to come?”

He shook his head. “Nah. I think I’m gonna try and read a bit. Check out a podcast or somethin’.” 

She snorted. “Nerd. Can I borrow this top?” 

He nodded. “Not like I can wear it ‘round here.” 

“You don’t know that,” She said. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t I?” 

Lup sighed, and sat down next to her brother. “Tell you what. We’ll call in a sick day with school, wait ‘til Merle’s gone to work, and have a fashion show. Like we used to do with Momma and Auntie. I think I have some of her old like… gauzy gowns somewhere. I can do your makeup, you can do my hair, we’ll be the talk of the town.” 

He laughed, kind of sad, kind of sleepy. “I’m gonna hold you too that,” He said. 

“Feel free.” She stood up. “Have you seen my helmet?” 

“Top of the shelf in the closet on the left.” 

“Thanks, babe.” 

Lup stretched up to grab the motorcycle helmet. It was bright red and shiny. She’d gotten it when she was thirteen, a gift from a 54 year old man named Flapjack, one of the members of the various Neverwinter biker gangs that Lup and Taako used to hang around. She smiled softly at it, and tried it on to check that it still fit. Lup changed quickly, glad to have an excuse to wear something banger for once. 

She put on a pair of skin tight black pants with long lace up combat boots that have a noticeable heel (somebody once told Lup she was too tall for heels. She made sure to where them whenever possible.), and a lace white top that only went halfway down her stomach, as well as a bright red bra that showed through, and a black leather jacket over it. Then she did her makeup quickly, and brushed through her hair, blowing it back a bit. 

“How do I look?” She asked Taako. 

He smiled. “Fuckin’ superb you funky little sister.” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“You have literally no proof of that.” 

She smiled, and leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead. It left a small red lipstick mark. She licked her tongue and wiped it off. “Get some sleep, Taako.” 

“I’ll try. Stay safe.” 

“I always do.” 

She winked at him as she left through the window, her helmet under her arm and the wind in her hair. She met Magnus in the driveway once again. 

“You know how to ride?” He asked. 

She held up her helmet. “I do. Do you?”

“Yeah. Dav taught me when I was fourteen. I’ve been doin’ this about a year.” 

“What exactly is… this?” 

He smiled. “You’ll see. It’s cool. Hop on.” 

He jumped on the motorcycle, and Lup climbed on behind him. 

“You’re gonna have to wrap your arms around me? I’m sorry. I hope that’s not weird -”

“Jeezy creezy, Magnus. It’s fine.” 

She wrapped her arms around him, holding on tight. 

“Ready to go?”

“Fuckin’ yeah, big boy.” 

She could practically feel the smile on his face as he tore out of the driveway and onto the street, the engine purring at a brutally freeing 85 miles per hour. 

Lup was a fuse, and sometimes, when the air was dry and the wind full of static electricity, this was a terrible thing to be. But when she was flying through the quiet streets of Moon, West Virginia, covered in gasoline and burning brightly, she was no longer a white hot smoking gun but a brilliant blaze streaking across the sky. She loved motorcycles. The simultaneous gain and release of control. The power. The harshness of the wind against her body. Feeling like she was flying. 

She let out an exuberant scream, which Magnus laughed at, and then mirrored. The two of them were howling coyotes loping through an asphalt desert. 

The drive took forty five minutes. They left Moon and tore through a few small surrounding towns, until getting to a long stretch of highway. Magnus veered off the highway onto a dilapidated road. He began to slow down, stopping in front of a gaudily painted abandoned gas station proclaiming in faded letters “ _ Gold Gliff Gas. Shop the Gold Standard! _ ” Lup’s senses were flooded with alcohol, music, cigarettes, gasolina, and the crackling energy of self destruction. 

“Welcome, to the Gold Cliff Motor Races,” Magnus said, a flourish in his voice. 

Lup cracked a smile. “Fuckin’ wicked,” She said. 

Magnus dismounted the bike. “After I broke Edward’s nose at the end of senior year, I got sent to this anger management group therapy. That’s where I met Sloane. She’s a senior at Moonview, but we don’t really talk at school. She saw me ride to therapy on my bike one day, and invited me out here. Buncha kids from all over the county get together and race. It’s great.” 

Lup nodded. “Does anybody know about this?” 

Magnus shook his head. “Nah. Best part is, we all run on this weird kind of honor code. A few years back someone got pissed cause they lost a race, and tried to rat out the circuit. People got wind, so they didn’t show up the next racing day. Later, they found that kid and beat the shit out of him. Broke his ribs.” 

She let out a low whistle. “Nice.” 

“‘Course, I don’t advocate violence, but if you can’t trust your fellow motorbike degenerates, who can you trust?” 

Lup laughed. 

“Magnus!” Someone shouted. Two girls came running over, one tall and slender, probably Vietnamese, and the other shorty and chubby, with short red curling hair. The taller one wrapped Magnus up in a hug. “What the fuck is up, Bear?” She asked. 

“Not much, Raven.” 

They did a quick handshake. The short girl snorted. She turned to Lup. 

“Whose this?” She asked. 

“Oh shit!” Tall girl said. “Is this Julia? She’s pretty.” 

Magnus blushed. “No! This isn’t Julia. This is my foster sister, Lup.” 

“Oh. Nice to meet ya. My name’s Sloane, this hot piece of ass is my girlfriend Hurley. Out here we go by the Raven and the Ram.” 

Lup raised an eyebrow. “Why?” 

“Everyone goes by code names,” Magnus said. “It’s just like… tradition.” 

“What’s yours?” 

He scratched the back of his neck. “The Bear.” 

“Bear? Like -”

“Listen. I didn’t know it was a thing when I picked it. I just thought bears were cool. Trust me, I’ve gotten a lot of shit from everyone else.” 

“No, no, I’m not gonna give you shit, we should just get Taako out here so that he can go by the Twink.” 

_ Fuck _ . Lup bit her tongue, hoping that Magnus wouldn’t press that sentence any further. Lup wasn’t used to actually talking to the people Taako wasn’t out to. But Hurley and Sloane said they were dating. Magnus must be chill, then, right? Right? Either way, it totally wasn’t her place. Fuck. She fucked up. She fucked up. 

“So what are you going by?” Hurley asked. 

Lup let out a small sigh of relief, then tapped her foot a few times. “Um… how about… the Wolf?” 

“Fuck yeah!” Sloane said. “Like Lupe, the mother wolf of Rome, right?” 

Lup nodded. “Got it in one.” 

“Well, Wolf,” Sloane said. “You want first race?” 

A grin split Lup’s face, sharp and appropriately wolfish. 

“Hell yeah,” She said. “Where do I go?” 

“Right over there,” Hurley said, pointing at a line of other teenagers straddling their idle bikes. 

Lup went over to jump on Magnus’ bike and bring it over to the line, but Sloane stopped her. “Wait,” She said. “First,” She grabbed a bottle off of a table that they were next to, that was stocked with booze. “Blueberry bubblegum vodka.” She held it out to Lup. Lup grimaced. 

“That sounds fucking disgusting,” She said. 

“Oh it is,” Sloane assured her. 

“Rights of initiation,” Magnus said. “You gotta down the Windex Juice before you can have the top shelf shit.” 

“So,” Lup said. “You’re saying you want me to drink a bunch of shitty alcohol, and then get on a motorbike, and go really fast, racing against other people.” 

“Yes,” Hurley said. 

“That is really dangerous,” Lup said. 

“Yes,” Sloane said. 

“If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to,” Magnus assured her. 

“Oh fuck no, babe, I’m gonna do it. Hand that shit over, Sloane.” 

Sloane smiled as Lup grabbed the bottle, chugging half of it. It burned down her throat, and while she’d never tasted Windex, she could understand what Magnus meant in regards to its nickname. She released the bottle, and wiped at her mouth. 

“Fuck,” She said. “That tastes like  _ ass _ .” 

Sloane laughed. “Yeah,” She said, taking the bottle and putting it back on the table. “Tell you what, after this race, I’ll get you the good shit.” 

Lup gave her a thumbs up. She shook out her arms and cracked her neck. “Alright,” She said. “Can I race now?” 

Hurley made a sweeping “go for it” gesture. Lup mounted Magnus’ bike and glided over to the starting line. Sloane walked over to the middle of the “road.” 

“Alright!” She said. “I want a good, clean race!” She paused, then laughed. “Who the fuck am I kidding. Don’t kill anyone! I’m lookin’ at you Marvey, ya piece of shit.” A guy to Lup’s right made a noise of protest. Sloane flipped him off. “Okay fuckos! 3 - 2 - 1,  _ DRIVE _ !” 

Lup took off, the engine purring to life under her. Magnus’ bike was small, easy to maneuver, not easy to control. The gears were sensitive. One wrong move and she would veer off the course. He’d been holding back on the way there. She pushed the speed, 85, 90, 100, 120, up and up and up. 

Her hair, unceremoniously shorn one year ago after a fight with Taako (or really, a fight with Sazed. A fight with the brainwashed, unrecognizable person Taako became under the influence of Sazed), peaked out from her helmet in small wisps, whipping at her face in the wind. She dodged other bikers, slipping through her competitors, passing them all. The road stretched out in front of her, long and unyielding. She could just keep driving, to the end of the road, end of the sky, end of the world. Nothing but her and the road and the feeling of flying. 

Someone cut in front of her field of vision. Lup grinned and revved the engine, standing up on the bike and swerving in front of them, quick and nimble and utterly tipsy. 

She pushed the engine further, 125, 130, 140 - the wind was pushing her back, pressing against her, a wave of force. She smiled against it. The grin cut at her chapped lips. She needed to go forward, go faster. She swerved again, slipping past a few more bikes until she saw Sloane, grinning at her with two big thumbs up. 

Lup passed Sloane, and for a moment, she wanted to just keep going, but she stopped. 

“We! Have! A! Winner!” Sloane yelled, her voice going hoarse. 

“God DAMN it!” Someone said behind her. 

“Get  _ fucked _ , Marvey!” Sloane said to the boy coming in behind her. He had buzzed blonde hair and blue eyes, with a scowl on his face. 

“Oh fuck you, Sloane. Also, I told you, my racer name is ‘Hammerhead.’”

“Okay, but, consider this,” She said, steepling her fingers. “That’s stupid.” 

He stomped away. “I don’t know why I even come to this thing anymore.” 

Sloane swung her arm around Lup’s shoulder. She smelled like cheap perfume and cheaper booze. “Let’s get you something to drink.” 

Two hours later, Lup came up to Magnus, boozy and happy, after Hurley beat him in a race for the second time. 

“ _ Magnus _ ,” She said, voice slurred. “I have not had this much fun in… fuck. Since Neverwinter? Since before everything. Koko and I used to go to clubs all the time, and it was fuckin  _ lit _ .”

Magnus laughed. “How much have you had to drink, Lulu?”

“Not enough that I won’t punch ya for callin’ me that.” She winked. “But, uh, let’s see. I finished that Windex Juice, did some shots… had a few Reds. Some whiskey… oh! I showed Sloane and Hurley my vodka trick? Here, lemme do it for you -”

“No, no, I think it’s time to get home. I love Sloane and Hurley but they aren’t great at… erm… impulse control. Or, really, any kind of control.” 

Lup hiccuped. “Oh worm?” She said. “Are you safe to drive us home?”

“Safer than you. Pros of being a brick shithouse, I have a very high alcohol tolerance.” 

They said goodbye to Sloane and Hurley, and got on Magnus’ bike. He drove much slower on the way home. 

“Mmmm,” Lup said, when they pulled up in front of Merle’s house. “‘M sleepy.” 

Magnus smiled. “You don’t hold your liquor very well, do you?” 

“Maggie, I’m a hundred and twenty pounds. I drank like two bottles of booze after being sober for a year. I hold my liquor very well for a woman in my situation.” 

He laughed, then dismounted the big, and picked her up, bridal style. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” She mumbled. 

“I’m carrying you,” He said, amicable. 

“Don’” She said. 

“Well do you want me to put you down?” 

“No…”

“Then what should I do?” 

She sighed. “Fine. Carry me.” 

“Oh, thank you, madame Lup.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” She was quiet for a second as he opened the door and went up the stairs. “Why are you bein’ so nice to me?” She asked, voice quiet. 

“What?” Magnus asked, surprise. 

“People aren’t usually nice to me. To us. Unless they want something. Do you want something? Oh fuck. I’m not gonna have sex with you.” 

“Uh, er, um, no. I don’t, I do  _ not _ want that.”

“‘Kay. Good. What do you want?” 

“I dunno. I guess… I get it. Where you guys are coming from. I had… it was hard for me when I first came here. I just thought you could use a friend.”

“God!” Lup said. “You’re like a big fuckin’ teddy bear. How do you even do that?!” 

“I dunno,” Magnus chuckled. He knocked quietly on the door to Taako and Lup’s room. 

Taako’s hair was mussed when he opened the door. He was wearing pajama pants and no shirt. He rubbed his eyes. “Why are you carrying my sister?” 

“I’m  _ drunk _ !” Lup said, doing jazz hands. 

Taako snorted. “Okay. Put ‘er on the bed.” 

Magnus nodded and deposited Lup on the bed. “Night, Taako,” He said. 

Taako smiled. “Night, Magnus. Thanks for keepin’ her safe.” 

“I think she can keep herself safe.” 

“I know. I just…” He shrugged. “I know.” 

Taako helped her change into her pajamas and wipe off her makeup before they both climbed into bed. She put her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He was warm. 

“Mmmm,” She said, snuggling into the bed. 

Taako laughed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah. We went to a motorcycle race. I’ll have to take you next time. Lotsa cute girls. And boys. You know. For you.” 

“Wow, so generous.” 

“Hey Taako?” Lup said, as her brother carded his fingers through her hair, the way that their mother used to do. 

“Yeah?” He whispered. 

“You think we’re gonna be okay?” 

If Lup didn’t have her eyes closed, if she was more sober, if things were different, she might’ve noticed her brother glance at this phone on the bedside table. But she wasn’t, so she didn’t. 

“Yeah,” He said, after a second. “I think so.”

But she was already asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: https://griffinmcelroy.bandcamp.com/track/legion-or-a-pile-of-ghosts


	20. xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kravitz is here, a day in the life of ango mcdango, and i'm gay for istus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KATH IT'S BEEN SO LONG ARE YOU STILL ALIVE WHERE HAVE YOU B-
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft9R65cTsSU

Kravitz Queen felt a little cliche staring at himself in the mirror. He opened his mouth, sticking his tongue through the brightly colored bands on his braces. He poked at them with his tongue, trying to snap them. 

“Krav,” His roommate, Artemis Sterling, son of Senator Sterling of Oregon. “That’s fuckin’ gross.” 

Kravitz spun around, grinning at Artemis with his rainbow braces adorned teeth. “Sorry,” He said. 

Artemis snickered. “You’re the only seventeen year old I know with braces. Why didn’t you just get invisalign?”

Kravitz sighed. This was not the first time they’d had this conversation. “Look,” He said. “Forethought is not… my strong suit.” 

Artemis snorted. “You can say that again, Queenie.” 

“I hate that nickname,” Kravitz said, scrunching up his nose. 

“And I hate carbs. Some things you just have to live with.” 

“‘I hate carbs,’” Kravitz repeated. “That’s such an asshole rich kid thing to say.” 

Artemis shrugged. “What do you have to do today?” 

“Umm,” Kravitz said, fishing around in his memory for the day’s schedule. “I’ve got a chemistry lab this morning, then piano practice, then English, which, I, uh, I have to write an essay for, fuck, and um… I need to work on my conducting seminar, I’ve got a history class as well as math lab… more piano, this time a lesson–” 

“Jesus, Queenie, are you okay?” 

Kravitz paused, noticing that he hadn’t had time to take a breath. He inhaled, held it for awhile, and let it out. “Yeah,” He said, straightening out his back. “Uh, why?”

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “Well, you just look kind of… ill? Also, your fists are clenched really tight.” 

“Oh,” Kravitz said. “I hadn’t noticed that.” He stretched out his hand, his fingers were long and elegant, piano players hands. 

“I’m fine,” He said. 

“Okay. Just, uh, take care of yourself man,” Artemis said, clapping Kravitz on the shoulder awkwardly. “I gotta get to class. See you at lunch?” 

“Huh? Uh, yeah.” 

The door slammed loudly behind Artemis, and Kravitz was left alone in his dorm room. 

Kravitz had left for Astra after elementary school. Before then he had gone to Jefferson Queen Elementary School. It had been weird for him to go to a school named after his great grandfather. He had expressed interest in wanting to be a musician, and also felt lonely and isolated in his small West Virginian town, so his moms found an impressive boarding school in New York City and sent him off. 

Now Kravitz was a few months into his junior year, and the creeping sense of dissatisfaction with his life had been slowly growing for the past year. Rather than be excited to return to school at the end of the summer, Kravitz had been apathetic. His teachers were boring, his classes stressful, and when he was with his friends he spent most of his time feeling annoyed at them. 

But Kravitz was fine. 

He would be fine. 

He toyed with the Lexapro on his bedside table, rattling the bottle and causing the pills to shake. He’d already taken his dose for the day, but… 

Lately he’d been thinking of the prescribed dosage as more of a… suggestion rather than a hard and fast rule. Some days he was busy, and would forget to take any. Other days he needed more. He popped the cap off and took two of the pills, coughing as he them dry. He squeezed his hand again, waiting for his nerves to steel. He ran his tongue over the metallic ridges of his braces. He took a deep breath. 

Chemistry. 

He took another deep breath. 

_ Chemistry _ . 

“Yeah, okay, fine,” He muttered. 

He walked over to his desk, where his backpack sat waiting in the chair, filled with heavy books and staff paper and overdue assignments that he hadn’t bothered to finish. He grabbed the left strap, going to swing the bag over his shoulder, and in one glorious sweep, the bottom of the bag split open, releasing a cascade of various academic vestibules. 

Kravitz stared at the books on the floor, his backpack, wheezing and empty like an old man, and the door, a million miles away. 

The next thing he was consciously aware of, if only slightly, was his piano tutor barging in and yelling at him about missing practice. Kravitz looked up at her–he was on the floor now. He could not tell you how that had happened–raised a hand to start to argue his case, opened his mouth, and proceeded to vomit all over the floor, his books, and himself. 

Later that night, Kravitz said, in a shaky voice on the phone with his mother, “I think… I think I need to come home?” 

 

\---

 

Angus woke up on Friday early, as he usually did. His alarm was set for seven a.m., but he found himself up around six most of the time. A holdout from both this time in foster home and with his grandfather. Most of the things that he did were either a holdout from his time in foster home or his grandfather. Sometimes Angus thought he was not a boy, but rather a collection of various traumas and idiosyncrasies loosely held together in a burlap sack. That thought left him with a sour taste in his mouth, so he tried not to think it. This did not work. 

He carefully folded back his curtains and sat up on the bed, stretching silently. He smacked his tongue a few times and blinked the remaining sleepiness away. He rubbed at his face and slipped on his glasses. They were old fashioned and wire framed. They reminded him of his grandpa. Merle had offered many times to get him a new pair, but Angus liked his old fashioned glasses. They made him feel smart. Respectable. 

He padded over to his closet and selected one of his pre put together outfits. Sometimes Merle made fun of him for having pre put together outfits, but when his did the laundry he always made sure that Angus’ favorite combinations were clean at the same time, so that he wouldn’t have to pair his maroon sweater vest with his plaid collared shirt like he’d had to do once when he’d just come to Moon. He’d looked like a clown. It was awful. Angus changed out of his matching pajamas (blue with small white rabbits on them, a Hanukkah gift from Lucretia) and into brown slacks, a green shirt, and a brown and white argyle sweater vest. He slipped on a pair of socks decorated with cacti and brown sneakers. He then walked into the bathroom to start on his daily hygiene regimen. His curly black hair was a mess every morning. In addition to tossing and turning in his sleep, Angus was a night showerer who hated hairdryers, so it was always a fun surprise seeing what sort of eldritch abomination his hair would resemble when he woke up. 

After he’d finished applying enough gel to his hair that it didn’t look like he’d just rubbed it furiously with a balloon, he went downstairs to watch cartoons before breakfast. 

Sure, Angus was technically a really smart kid who could be found enjoying books by Milton, Tolstoy, and Wallace, but he was also a not-yet-teen boy, and he needed to get his daily Steven Universe fix. 

This routine was interrupted, though, when he found Taako in the kitchen, an old apron slung on over his pajamas, his shaggy brown hair messy and unkempt, his hips swaying to music that was playing softly on his phone. 

“Taako?” Angus asked, his nose scrunching up slightly. 

Taako jumped, and then straightened out, smoothing down his apron and fixing Angus with a supermodel smile. “Agnes!” He said, much more jovial than Angus had ever seen him. “We have to stop meeting like this!” 

“In the kitchen?” 

“In general.”

Angus shifted on his feet. “You’re… you’re joking right?”

Taako shrugged. 

Angus narrowed his eyebrows, then very carefully said. “It’s okay, Taako. I know that you use mean humor as a coping mechanism because you’re scared of letting anyone close to you, cause you think they’ll only abandon you.” 

Taako blinked twice. “Well. At least I don’t read psychology textbooks for fun.” 

Angus decided to let the matter drop. He pulled himself up to the counter and moved into one of the seats. 

“Whatcha makin’?” He asked. 

“Breakfast.” 

“Specifically?” 

“You know,” He said, gesturing at the stove. “Ah!” He said, gesturing to someone behind him. “There she is!” 

Angus craned his head to see Lup, half dressed in a long shirt and seemingly no pants. The shirt was red and emblazoned with the words: Water On The Thirstry Soil, in all caps. 

Her hair was falling out of a messy bun and it looked like she had tried halfheartedly to scrub off makeup from last night. She groaned.

“You look beautiful, Lulu.”

She flipped Taako off. 

“Good morning, Lup,” Angus said. 

“‘Good morning, Lup,’” Lup mocked, her voice laden with sleep. 

“Don’t mind her,” Taako said. “She’s just…”

“Hungover,” Angus said. 

“I was gonna say tired, but like, sure, kiddo.” 

Angus looked at Taako. “I’m eleven, Taako. I’m not stupid.” 

Taako smiled, the heat from earlier gone. “C’mon kiddos. Let’s get some grease up in this bitch.” 

The rest of the morning went by without affair. Merle made a brief appearance to grab some bacon - “Did you make this, Taako?” “Uh, yeah?” “Shit kid! Why didn’t you tell me you could cook!” - before rushing out the door to drive the 40 minutes to the hospital. Magnus overslept, and Angus quietly catalogued that he seemed to be hungover as well, though not as bad as Lup. 

Lucretia dropped him off at school, and Angus was faced with the hellish monotony that was the eighth grade. 

“Mornin’ Donny,” 

Angus rolled his eyes as June, his only friend at school, plopped down in the seat next to him. “I hate that nickname.”

“Duly noted.” 

June was sweet. She had the thickest accent of anyone he’d ever known (besides Cassidy) and they’d been friends since Angus’ first day at Moonview Middle School, when she’d attached herself to him and refused to let go. 

“Didja do the homework?”

“I always do the homework.”

“Can I copy?”

Angus handed her his paper. “Try and -”

“Get a few wrong so it doesn’t look like I copied off the class prodigy, I know, I know.”

“‘M not a prodigy,” Angus said. 

June rolled her eyes. “Right. You just skipped two grades for fun, yeah?” 

“Just because I’m good at school doesn’t mean I’m smart.”

“Donny, you read Infinite Jest last year. Just  _ cause _ !” 

Angus shuffled in his seat. “Just… drop it June. Okay?”

She looked at him for a minute, giving him the patented “poor traumatized foster kid” stare, then changed the subject. “You seen the new episode of Brooklyn 99 yet?” 

“No I promised Magnus that I’d wait for him.” 

“Well it’s really good. I’d let Rosa Diaz step on me.”

“Gross Junebug!” 

She giggled. “I’m right and I should say it!” 

Later in the day, Angus went up to his teacher, putting on the sad puppy dog eyes that he’d perfected as a means of survival. 

“Hey, Mrs. Hampton, I need -”

“Oh, Angus, darling, do you need to go to your  _ therapy _ ?” She whispered the word “therapy” like it was a curse concept, dangerous to be invoked by mere mortals. 

Angus nodded, looking down at his shoes (which wasn’t part of the act. Angus  _ hated _ eye contact). “Yes ma’am.”

“Oh, you go right ahead honey. And, Angus?”

Angus rolled his eyes internally. “Yes ma’am?” He asked. 

“If you ever need anything, you know you can come to me, right?” 

“Of course.” 

She nodded sagely at him. Angus was trying not to laugh. He was bad at social situations. 

“I’m just gonna… uh? Go?” 

She nodded again. Angus left. 

The rest of the day was uneventful, or, as uneventful as life for Angus McDonald could be. He went over to Davenport’s house to read some of Barry’s textbooks, then went back to school to be picked up by Lucretia so that he could go back to Davenport’s house and play three way chess with Lucretia and Barry, while Magnus was at football practice and Taako was catching up with Lup after her first day of suspension. Three way chess was a horrific and uncomfortable affair complete with shouting, throwing, additions of checkers, and usually some sort of emotional breakdown. No one ever won three way chess, and usually there were more than three losers, as everyone in the vicinity who had to witness it also came away with a great sense of distress. But still, Lucretia, Barry, and Angus played it once a week. 

Davenport made dinner (dairy free lasagna and garlic bread) and then they all went over to Merle’s house to watch a historical drama. 

Davenport was sitting in his usual overstuffed armchair, drinking red wine. Magnus was on the floor with Fisher. Angus was resting curled up against Barry, and Lucretia was resting against the armrest of the couch. 

“Hey,” Barry said, as Lup and Taako were making their way up the stairs. 

“Yeah?” Lup asked, her pinky intertwined with Taako’s. 

“You wanna come watch with us? The show is really good.”

Taako and Lup glanced at each other. 

“Sure,” Taako said. “Why not.” 

The two of them padded over and sat on one of the other armchairs, squishing together. At some point, Lucretia changed her position and her head ended up against Angus’ hip. Someone draped a blanket over them. He fell asleep like that, the television droning on, as he was surrounded by his family, warmth in the bottom of his stomach. 

 

\---

 

Istus laid in her four poster bed, her wife leaning up against her, eyes fluttering. 

“I’m tired,” Raven said. 

Istus smiled softly. “Then go to sleep?”

“But if I go to sleep I won’t get to see my beautiful wife!”

Istus kissed her forehead. “Honey, that’s gay.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” 

“You think you’re funny, don’t you.”

“I know I am.”

“Oh dear,” Istus said, her eyes catching on an email.

“What?”

Istus angled the computer screen towards Raven. 

“Ugh,” Raven said. “That asshole.”

Istus groaned and rubbed her eyes. “Guess I better call Merle.” 

She climbed out of bed to grab her cellphone. 

“Damn!” Raven said. 

“What?” Istus asked, concerned. 

“Nothin’. You’re just hot.” 

Istus rolled her eyes good naturedly. 

“Love you!” Raven called. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Istus responded, grabbing her phone to dial Merle’s number. 

 

_ Dear Isabella, _

_ I’m emailing you to tell you that I will be dropping in on the Highchurch household for an evaluation. I’m telling you this as a courtesy, and hope you will not run and tell Merle, as this is a  _ _ surprise _ _ visit. Emphasis on the surprise.  _

_ Yours, _

_ J _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN GONE I STARTED COLLEGE I'VE BEEN SO BUSY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> anyway
> 
> next chapter? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk4OLORULlQ


	21. xxi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh shit whaddup she back. lup hangs out with merle and dav. taako hangs out with barry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW during this chap for: mentions of transphobia, needles, and blood. 
> 
> skips: 
> 
> transphobia (only mentioned and alluded to): "Lup rolled her eyes. She was quiet for a moment" to "Taako stuck out his tongue."
> 
> needles: "'Shit,' she muttered, coming up empty" to "God...dammit"
> 
> blood (not graphic at all, just a few mentions): "She felt sick to her stomach" to "'Hello, this is the twins' room, Lup speaking."

Lup, all in all, was not a fan of being suspended. This wasn’t the first time she’d been taken out of school, even though she did try to avoid it. Suspensions didn’t look great on college applications.

Still, there was something uniquely suffocating about this particular suspension. Maybe it was the kind understanding and soft disappointment that was coming from Merle. Maybe it was the small well of shame that was slowly filling her. She had disappointed everyone. Lup, letting her emotions get the better of her. Again. 

She couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone was pitying her. 

Taako turned to her, wearing nothing but his boxers and a facemask. 

“Which one?” He held up two shirts. 

“Oh, are you not pretending to be straight anymore?” 

“No, I still am.”

“Then neither.”

Taako sighed. “God, I hate straight people. What the fuck am I supposed to wear? Khakis?”

“Well, you sure as hell aren’t supposed to wear  _ sequins _ .” 

“They’re tasteful.”

She rolled her eyes. “Here.”

Lup got off the bed and pulled out a black long sleeve top that said: “My Chemical Necromance” and a pair of jeans. She handed them to Taako, and then folded herself back up against the headboard. 

“Jeans? Really? Who am I, Barry?” 

“You know, just because his name is Barry Bluejeans doesn’t mean that he can only wear blue jeans.”

“False. That’s exactly what it means.” 

Lup rolled her eyes. She was quiet for a moment. “Do you think Barry is straight?”

“Barry is straighter than uncooked spaghetti. But you know what they say… once it gets steamy…” He winked. When Lup didn’t respond, Taako crawled onto the bed and sat next to her. “Why?”

“No reason.”

“Lup.” 

“What?”

“Is it… cause you have a thing for him?”

“No! I don’t have a thing for him.” Taako gave her a look. “I don’t! But everyone jokes that he has a thing for me and like… I can’t help thinking that he wouldn’t if he knew. That I’m, ya know…”

“That you’re what? Amazing and perfect and could snap him in half?”

Lup raised an eyebrow. 

Taako rested his chin on her knee. “Okay. Serious time. You know that you being trans doesn’t make you any less of a woman, right? Like, not to get all after-school special and shit, but you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know that, but -”

“But nothing! Anyone who doesn’t realize that doesn’t deserve your time of day. Or anyone’s time of day. They’ve got their heads so far up their asses that they don’t know what time even means anymore!” 

Lup chuckled softly. 

“And like, as weird as it is to talk about my sister in anything relating to a sexual capacity, you’re hot as hell, and also awesome, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Taako.”

“I mean, we’re identical, so you’ve obviously got a bitchin’ bod -”

“And, there it is.” 

Taako stuck out his tongue. 

Lup blew a raspberry at him. 

“Point is, while Barold Harold Bluejarold is the sexual equivalent of Banana Yogurt, if you want to tap that, you def could.” 

“I don’t have a thing for Barry! Fuck you!” 

“Taako!” Magnus yelled. “Five minutes!”

“Fuck,” Taako said. “I gotta get ready.” 

He quickly put on the clothes that Lup had given him and ran to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he came back to get his backpack. “Smell ya later, goofus!” He yelled, shutting the door behind him. 

Lup sighed and looked at the empty room. She drummed her fingers on her knee for about 20 seconds before springing off of the bed. The house was too still. Too silent. She slid under the bed to the hole that they’d carved out from under the mattress and groped around for some estrogen pills. 

“Shit,” She muttered, coming up empty. She grabbed an old syringe and some liquid hormones. Lup had bought the needles new, but didn’t have the money to get rid of them after a single dose. She tried not to use them, for both safety reasons and a personal hatred of needles, but sometimes one did what one had to do. She wondered if maybe should ask Sloane about finding someone who would sell her black market E. She and Taako didn’t have a lot of cash, but they had found that almost everything could be done for a favor, if that favor was extreme enough. 

She sat on the bed, filling the syringe with hormones and bunching her pajama pants up to expose the top of her thigh. It was small and thin. Lup grabbed at some extra fat to get a target for the needle, but she could barely find any. She bit her lip and forced herself to stare at her flesh. 

“3… 2… Fuck!” She hissed as she plunged the needle into her skin, pushing down on the syringe, draining it of its contents. Tiny tears pricked her eyes. Lup hadn’t received any vaccines in years, but she distinctly remembered hating them. Lup stared at the needle sticking out of her thigh and took a deep breath. This was so much easier when Taako was there to do it for her. But she hadn’t told Taako she was running low on hormones. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe she just didn’t want him to worry? Didn’t want him to have to feel like he needed to take care of her? Or maybe she didn’t want to tell him because she worried that he’d try to go out and get her some. And then he’d end up getting himself hurt. She screwed her eyes shut and pulled the needle out of her leg in one fowl motion. 

“God… dammit.” 

She felt sick to her stomach. There was a small red dot of blood expanding in the place the needle had just been. “Shit,” she said. “Shit, shit.” 

She felt around for a band-aid, then chastised herself, because what, was she gonna keep band-aids in her fucking sheets? She stood up and walked over to the drawer that she and Taako kept all of the emergency medical supplies in, as well as most of their general bathroom stuff. They had space in the bathroom, but didn’t like to spread their possessions out through two rooms, especially if it was essentials. 

She rifled through the messy drawer. Band-aid… band-aid… goddamn, why were they so  _ messy _ . 

“Lup!” Merle’s voice filtered into the room as he knocked on the door. 

“Don’t come in!” Lup yelled. “I’m… um… I’m naked!” 

Fuck. 

“Oh, uh, well, when you get dressed, I’d like to talk to you, please.”

Wow, Merle, that’s not ominous as fuck. 

“Yeah, sure!” 

She returned to the drawer. Band-aid… band-aid… yes! Lup grabbed a loose band-aid and put it on her thigh, wiping off the small trail of blood that had started to run down her leg. She unrolled her pant leg, and then moved the covers over to cover the syringe, before opening the door. “Hello, you’ve reached the twins’ room, this is Lup speaking.” 

“Did you just… change into your pajamas? 

The Kill Bill siren went off in Lup’s head. “Uh, yeah. These are my day pajamas. I can’t lounge around and feel sorry for myself in my sleeping pajamas. That would be barbaric.” 

“Well, change into your going out of the house pajamas -”

“Clothes, we call them usually.” 

“Cause you’re coming with me to work today!” 

Lup blinked twice. “What?” 

“Yeah! I thought it would be good for you to get out of the house. I don’t want you to stay here alone.”

“I’m not gonna run away, if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

“I know you aren’t. Taako isn’t here.”

There was a quick, but heavy, silence. Then Merle spoke again, his voice soft. 

“Believe it or not Lup, I’m not trying to punish you. I’m… worried about you, yes, but I’m not trying to smother you. Besides, Davenport is coming too. If you get bored and want to leave, you can just have him drive you home.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“Then stop acting like a toddler. I gotta be there at ten so the sooner you get ready, the better.” 

Merle’s words felt like a slap in the face. Lup closed the door and put her syringe and hormones away, making a mental note to wash them later that night. She pulled on a crop top that read “Peepum’s NastyGum” on it, and some sweatpants that she shoved into combat boots. She ran a brush through her hair, brushed her teeth, and threw on some deodorant and makeup (eyeliner and bright red lipstick). She grabbed a bag and put her phone, her wallet, a book, some nail polish, headphones, another book, and a granola bar in it. 

She opened the door and trudged down the stairs. Merle and Davenport were sitting at the counter. “Davenport made breakfast,” Merle said, upon seeing her. 

“I’m a much better cook than Merle,” Davenport signed. 

“Fuck off, old man,” Merle said. 

“Old? I’m not old, you’re old.” 

Lup pushed down the memories of Davenport and Merle’s fight. “Thanks,” She signed, walking over and grabbing a plate. She piled it up with pancakes, bacon, and fruit, and then poured herself a smoothie. 

She ate quickly, ignoring Merle and Davenport’s conversation. After she finished, she washed her plate, cup, and silverware and put them in the dishwasher. 

“You ready to go?” Merle asked. 

Lup shrugged. “I guess.”

They walked to Merle’s bright green monstrosity of a car. Davenport gestured for Lup to sit in the front seat. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I like sitting in the back. Merle smells.”

“Lies! Slander! You’ll be hearing from my lawyers!” 

“What lawyers? Barry?” 

“No. Lucretia.” 

They got in the car and drove for a while before Merle’s phone started ringing. 

“Lup, could you grab that?” Merle asked. Lup picked up the phone. 

“Uh… 275-369–Merle, do you not have people’s contacts saved as names?” 

“I don’t… I don’t know how to do it. But that’s Mavis! Pick it up!” 

Lup swiped the screen and the face of a black girl with green eyes and wild hair filled the screen. She looked to be in her early 20s. 

“Hello?” She said. 

“Mavey!” Merle called. Lup spun the phone in his direction. “I’m driving right now.”

“I can see that, Dad,” The girl on the phone - Mavis, apparently, said. “I can call back if this is a bad time -”

“No, no, you never call, let’s talk!” 

“Dad, I call all the time.”

“You just leave me alone. All by myself.”

“You have like three other kids… ugh. Whatever. Is Dav there?”

Davenport craned into view. “Hi, Mavis!” He signed. 

“Hi Dav,” Mavis said. “And then who’s holding the phone?” She asked. 

“Oh!” Merle said. “That’s Lup! Say hi Lup!” 

Lup turned the screen to face back at her. 

“Um, hi,” she said. 

“Hi!” Mavis said, waving. “You’re one of the new foster kids, right? The twins?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Awesome! It’s so cool to meet you! I’m glad to finally have another girl in the family. You, me, and Lucy might be outnumbered but I think we can take the guys.”

Lup chuckled awkwardly. “Heh, yeah.”

“Anyway, Dad, I just wanted to say hi and make sure you were doing well. I gotta go! Love you, bye!” 

The screen went black. 

“Is that your daughter?” Lup asked. 

Merle smiled. “Yeah. She’s twenty-four now. Finishing up grad school. She’s a history major. I got one other, Mookie, he’s twenty-one, just started school last year. I’m so proud of both of ‘em.” 

“Where’s… do they have a mom?”

Merle laughed. “Yeah. Hekuba. Helluva woman. We, uh, got divorced when the kids were toddlers. ‘Bout eighteen years back. I was a real shit dad when they were little. I can… I try not to be so shit nowadays. And they’re real good to me. Better than I deserve. I don’t… I don’t know how I ended up so lucky. With them. With all you kids.” 

It was quiet for a second. 

“But enough with the sappy shit. Lup, you wanna play some music?” 

“Uh, yeah, uh, sure.”

“You just, um, plug your phone into that right there, it connects it to the cassette tape.”

Lup nodded and plugged her phone in, putting on her playlist “Good Good Rock.” The Rolling Stones filled the car, and Lup, halfway despite herself, snuggled into the car seat, getting comfortable. 

\---

 

Lup was curled into one of the chairs in the hospital break room, reading a book. Even though Merle had insisted he wasn’t, Davenport knew that he was here to be a pseudo-babysitter. He sighed. He knew that he’d said some things he… probably shouldn’t have. Definitely shouldn’t have. He had been worried about his family. Besides, Davenport’s sin had always been wrath. He cringed at the word. He didn’t want to think about sins. He’d made a mistake. That was all.

He walked up to Lup and sat in the chair next to her. She was tall and lanky, worryingly skinny. Davenport knew that Merle was generally pretty “hands-off, they’ll talk to me when they feel comfortable” with his parenting, but Davenport was worried about the twins’ health. 

Lup was immersed in her book. She was jangling her leg in a way that reminded Davenport of Magnus. 

He tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped slightly, and then closed her book quickly, as if she was embarrassed to be caught reading it. 

“Lup,” Davenport signed. 

“Oh,” Lup said. “Hi Davenport,” She signed. 

“Lup,” He signed again. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” 

“That’s okay,” She signed quickly. 

“No,” Davenport signed. “It’s not okay. I said things… things I shouldn’t have said. I don’t want to make you or your brother feel unwelcome.” 

“Davenport. Seriously. I understand. If I were you I wouldn’t want us here either. Either way, you probably won’t have to worry about us for long.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“Taako and I aren’t very good at staying in one place. People get sick of us pretty fast.” Davenport searched her face for some kind of sadness, but she seemed to say it without emotion. Stating a fact. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I already said it’s okay.”

“No, not that. I’m sorry that you and your brother have been treated so poorly in the past. You don’t deserve that, Lup. I speak from experience. Everyone deserves a home, a family, that loves them, for who they are. For every part of them.”

Lup stared at her lap for a second. Davenport tapped her shoulder again. 

“You deserve love, Lup. Love and safety. You know that, right?” 

“Yeah,” Lup said out loud. “Sure. I know.”

 

\---

 

“Taako?” Barry asked, looking over at Taako, who was staring intently at his phone. “Taako!”

“What?” Taako hissed. 

“Are you paying attention?”

“Yeah, totally,” Taako said, pointedly continuing to look at his phone. 

“What are you even doing?” Barry craned his neck to try and get a glimpse of Taako’s phone. 

“Oh hell no, homie,” Taako said, clicking it off. “Don’t ever look at my shit.” 

Barry sighed. “You need to pay attention. Mrs. Miller doesn’t fuck around.”

“There you go thinking I’m dumb again, Barold.”

“I don’t… listen. Centripetal force isn’t, like, an easy concept -”

“Force equals mass centripetal acceleration equals mass times volume squared over the radius. Don’t try me, Barold.” 

Barry paused, running the equation in his head. “I mean, okay, that’s right but -”

“Instead of making me explain centripetal force to you, you could just pay attention to the teacher, Barry. This isn’t an easy concept.” Taako smirked and went back to his phone. Barry was pretty sure he was texting. 

“Barry,” Lucretia hissed. “Are you paying attention?” 

“Ugh, yes, I am.” 

After class, Barry pulled Taako aside. 

“Hey, Taako, can we talk for a second?”

Taako raised an eyebrow. “I don’t have much time, Barold. I need to get to Japanese One. I mean, we’re almost through the alphabet, and it’s only November.” 

Barry sighed. “I kind of… feel like we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. No, wait, rephrase that. I feel like you hate me.”

“Barold,” Taako said. “I don’t hate you. I honestly don’t have any feelings about you.” 

Barry blinked, letting the insult settle in. 

“Alright. Well. If there’s anything I can do, or did do -”

“Listen, it’s not like, a  _ thing _ . I’m just, not into the whole friendship thing.”

“Well, why not?” 

“God, Barry, what are you, my mom? What is it with people in this town asking so many fucking questions?”

Barry studied Taako for a second. “You wanna see something cool?”

“Yes?” 

“It would involve skipping school?”

“Are you gonna murder me and turn my skin into jeans?”

“No. You’d make a better lamp than jeans.”

“Cool. Let’s go.” 

“Jesus, Barold,” Taako said, once Barry had led him into what Lucretia called “The Disaster Zone,” aka, his bedroom. “I don’t know whether to cry or laugh or puke?” 

“Just witness!” Barry said. “Cause I haven’t even shown you the best part yet.” He walked over to his closet and swung open the door. “Meet my experiments.” 

Taako blinked rapidly, taking it all in. He did another 360 sweep of the room, then came back to the rack of experiments. Barry began to wonder if this was a bad idea.

“What… exactly, are you trying to do here?” Taako asked. 

“I mean, primarily? Makin’ robits and other various mechanical machinations. Secondarily? Raise the dead.”

“Well, then, you should replace your formalin preservative with an ethyl alcohol and acrylic block mix. It’s much more effective and safer.” 

“So you like it, then?”

“I mean,” Taako smiled. “It’s a start. Do you have some spare gloves I could use?” 

Four hours later the room was an even bigger mess. There were spare parts - both organic and inorganic - strewn about, and Taako and Barry were covered in sweat, grease, and chemicals. 

They were taking a quick break, lying on Barry’s bed. 

“I like the stars on your ceiling,” Taako said. 

“They’re really old,” Barry said. “I put ‘em up when I was like eight.”

“I always wanted stars on my ceiling. It’s nice that you have stuff in this room that’s been here since you were eight.” 

“How old were you? When you went into the system?” 

“We were eight. It was after our aunt died. We’d been living with her for a few years after our mom… after our mom died as well. I mean, we’d been living with our aunt before our mom died, but also after she died. After our aunt was gone though… we didn’t have anyone to take us in.”

“What about your dad?”

Taako laughed. “That’s level five Taako-Backstory, compadre. Besides, you’ve exceeded your daily limit.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Barry’s phone buzzed. He slipped off his gloves and picked it up, scrolling through the messages. 

“Oh shit,” He said. Taako looked up from his phone. Barry noticed how he turned it off before saying anything. 

“What?”

“John’s coming for a surprise visit. Istus just told Merle who told Magnus and Magnus just texted the groupchat.” 

Taako’s brow furrowed. “Who the fuck is John?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i made a post explaining my sporadic updates as of late: https://deadlily.tumblr.com/tagged/holy-shit-people-actually-talk-to-me but tl:dr, i'm just really busy. 
> 
> i'm gonna try and semi do nano, but like, no promises. anyway. i'm really excited for the next chapter, i've wanted to write it for a long time. 
> 
> also, my tumblr is @deadlily for halloween. it'll be back to @aliensinflowercrowns on november 1st


	22. xxii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> magnus and taako have a sleepover. john arrives, fuckin finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter deals with some talk of suicide, illness, and serious childhood trauma. skip from "seriously it's fine, shut up" to "tears he refused to let fall."

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Taako said, crossing his arms and furrowing his brow in what he knew was childish indignance. 

Merle sighed. “I understand that you’re upset -”

“Upset?!” 

“But it’s only for one night.”

“This is  _ bullshit _ !” 

“If you wanted to punish us, you should’ve just told us,” Lup said, looking at the floor.

“I’m not… I don’t want to punish you,” Merle said. “John–look. I was breaking the rules by letting you room together in the first place. And John, John will look for any possible infraction. If he sees you sharing a room he’ll take it to the higher ups. He’s been trying to get my license revoked for years now.”

Taako glared. 

“Just think of it as a sleepover!” Merle said. 

“A sleepover?” Taako guffawed. “With  _ Magnus _ ?” 

“It might be fun! It’ll be good for you to bond!”

“How are we even gonna pull it off?” Lup asked. “I mean, all of Taako’s shit is in my room. It’s supes obvious that he lives there and not with Magnus.”

“I have a plan for that.”

It turned out Merle’s plan involved a complicated procession of moving Barry’s bed into Magnus’s room. Merle, Davenport, Barry, and Lucretia were in charge of taking apart Barry’s bed and bringing it to Magnus’s room, which Magnus and Angus had cleaned and rearranged. Lup and Taako were tasked with moving all of Taako’s possessions into Magnus’s room and rearranging the twins’ room so that it didn’t look like half of the stuff that was usually there was missing. 

There was a short altercation between Taako and Magnus relating to the placement of a WWE poster, but the rearranging was done swiftly with only a minor amount of sulking from the twins. 

The rest of the day was spent cleaning and rearranging in a similar fashion, to make the Highchurch and Co. residence look less like a revolving door of teenage angst and more like a presentable house where clean, sane people lived. 

 

\---

 

“Taako,” Magnus hissed in the dark room. “Taako.  _ Taako _ !” 

“What, Magnus?” Taako said, staring at the ceiling. He hated this. Hated being away from his sister. Hated being in Magnus’s room. In Barold’s bed. Ugh. 

“Are you awake?”

“I’d have to be awake to be having a conversation with you, wouldn’t I?”

“You know that’s not what I meant. I mean are you like… cognisant and shit.” 

Taako sighed loudly. “Yes. I am cognisant. Unfortunately” 

“Cool.”

In the darkness, the silence seemed to stretch on for miles. The room could be the size of a football stadium and its two (well, three, counting Fisher) lonely occupants would be none the wiser. 

“Taako?”

“What Magnus?”

“Do you think dogs should be able to vote?”

“ _ What _ ?” 

“Dogs. Should they be able to vote?”

“They’re… I… they’re dogs?”

“I think Fisher should be able to vote. I think she’d do a better job than republicans. Wouldn’t you Fisher? Wouldn’t you vote the best people into office? Yes you would! Yes you would you good good dog!” 

Taako heard Fisher excitedly thump her tail against the bed. 

“Are you a republican?” Magnus asked, after Fisher had calmed down. 

“What? No! I’m–” Gay. “Not.” 

“Woo. Good.”

Ten minutes passed. 

“Taako?”

“ _ Yes? _ ”

“Do lobsters feel pain?”

“Holy  _ shit _ , my dude–”

“No, listen, it’s like, a thing, cause like, there’s this misconception that lobsters scream as they’re being boiled, but like, that’s not true, it’s actually the sound their shells make when they release steam and water and shit. But for a long time, people thought that lobsters felt pain and that’s why they screamed. When they were boiled, you know? But like, do they? We don’t know. We can’t know. Like, ever. It’s not like we can ask them. It’s fucked up.” 

“How do you… how does your brain work, man? How do you even come up with this shit?” 

“Well, I mean, I have ADHD.” 

“Oh. I think Lup had that. When we were kids.”

“Had it?”

“Yeah. She like, grew out of it or whatever.”

“You don’t like… ‘grow out’ of ADHD. It’s a brain condition.”

“Oh.”

“So Lup has ADHD?”

“I guess. I dunno. After they picked us up from our aunt’s place when we were kids they like, tested us and shit. And I guess she tested for it.”

“Do you have ADHD?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know. They didn’t test me. They were worried about seeing if I was like… brain dead or whatever.”

“Why would they think you were brain dead?”

“I wasn’t talking.”

“You weren’t?”

“I didn’t like… after our aunt… ugh. Listen. So like, my mom killed herself, okay.”

“Taako, I’m so sorry–”

“Don’t. Just. Shush. So she killed herself and like… I like… found her. I was the one who found her and shit.”

“Oh my god–”

“Seriously, it’s fine, shut up. So that was when I was six. And then my aunt got super sick. She got some fuckin’... lung disease that made her like cough blood like we were in the 1800s and dealing with a fuckin’ cholera outbreak. Which is why I get so pissed about Lup smoking, cause like, she’s just fucking trying to give fate a god damn strip tease or whatever but, like, that’s not the point. The point is my aunt get hella sick and she was in the hospital and shit and then they were like ‘well we can’t do shit about it’ so they just sort of sent her back home, and Lup and I were taking care of her and shit, and we’re like eight so we fuckin’ suck at it, obvs, but the point is that I was there when she like… when she… you know. And she’s like coughing and holding my hand, like squeezing it,” Taako squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. 

“She’s like squeezing my hand like it’s the last thing in the world–which, I guess it is, for her–and she’s coughing up blood and I’m fuckin’ screaming for Lup but by the time Lup hears me she’s… she’s gone. And like, she releases the grip on my hand and I run out of the room and I’m just on the couch fuckin’ sobbing and Lup is all like ‘are you okay, what’s wrong,’ but I can’t say anything. I just  _ can’t _ . Lup calls the police and they come and get us and I’m like covered in snot and tears and her blood and I just… I guess my little brain like couldn’t handle it, you know? I just kinda snapped. And I didn’t talk for like two years. It pissed a bunch of my foster parents the  _ hell _ off.” He laughed, and his voice was wet and raspy from the tears that he refused to let fall. 

“I am… so sorry,” Magnus said. 

Taako laughed. “Yeah, well, that’s just how it goes sometimes, you know?” 

And then Magnus was hugging him. Taako let out a soft gasp, he hadn’t been touched by anyone other than Lup in… he didn’t remember how long. Magnus smelled like soap and teen boy sweat and his arms were muscled and hairy but he was so soft in his touch. He squeezed Taako, and Taako felt himself leaning into Magnus’s body and then there were tears streaming down his face and holy  _ shit _ he hadn’t  _ cried _ in so long, but here he was, in Magnus Burnsides’s bedroom at fuck all in the morning sobbing. Quiet, deep sobs that wracked his thin body, making him shudder against Magnus who held him and stroked his hair and hummed quietly, and Taako was too comforted to be mortified. 

They stayed like that for awhile, until Taako had cried so much that he couldn’t make tears anymore. 

And then they stayed longer, cause honestly, it was kind of nice. 

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked, after they’d been like that so long that Taako was starting to cramp up.

“Yeah. You can like, let go now.” 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s fine.” 

Magnus scooted to be next to Taako, and then after a few seconds returned to his own bed. 

Taako wondered why he had told Magnus so much. He wasn’t one to let his emotions get the best of him. Maybe it was because of the dark, the late hour, the atmosphere that makes it feel as though you could say anything and it would be nothing but smoke, quiet as the stars. Maybe he had kept it all in for too long, like a pop can being shaken until it exploded. 

Five minutes passed. Taako laid back down, getting under the covers, pulling them around his body until he felt tight and secure. 

“Hey, Magnus?” He said, his voice hoarse. 

“Yeah?” Magnus asked. 

“If… uh… if a werewolf was on the moon, and, and he killed another guy with a rock or some shit, would, uh, would that be fucked up, or what?”

 

\---

 

Lup wasn’t doing well. She hadn’t been doing well in a while, but she was doing particularly terribly tonight. The room was too large, too dark, too empty. Lup felt utterly and completely alone. Not only was Taako not there, but every trace of him had been scrubbed clean. The bed was too big for just her.

She sighed and kicked at the blanket. Then at the sheet. Then, once she’d eradicated the bed of everything but her and the mattress, she kicked at the air. 

This was stupid. She should just go get Taako but… she couldn’t. She was trapped by the door, by the darkness that surrounded her like heavy, black velvet curtains, trapped in the confines of the mattress that felt too soft and stifling and Lup felt as though she was suffocating in the quiet and she was  _ alone, alone, alone _ . 

Lup didn’t do well in juvie. She was loud and she picked fights and she had so much repressed… bullshit, that she got herself in trouble quite a few times. 

And even though the room was large and she could leave at anytime, she felt as though she was back in the darkness of solitary confinement, yelling about how this was torture under the geneva convention until her voice was hoarse, and then crying until her vocal chords were wrecked, because she missed her brother and she missed a real bed and she missed the sun and she missed cool air on her fingertips and she missed people talking to her and looking on her with kindness and she was so trapped and it was so dark and she was so lonely and angry and stuck and–

She pulled at her hair.  _ God _ . She should talk to Taako but, he was probably asleep and he didn’t… he didn’t need to worry about her. She needed to get out of the house. She bit the side of her cheek and grabbed her phone off the charger. 

She slid off the bed, threw the blankets on the mattress, and snuck under the bed to her secret stash. She grabbed a lighter (pink and sparkly, a gift from Taako) and a cigarette, and climbed on to the roof, shooting a quick text to Barry. 

 

_ Going to the roof. You up? _

 

\---

 

Magnus woke up to a strange tapping sound. He raised his head and surveyed the room. 

“Wuzzat?” He said, intelligently. 

Taako was doing a handstand, kicking methodically against the wall. He didn’t seem to notice that Magnus had woken up. 

“Taako?” Magnus asked, incredulous. 

Taako started, and Magnus heard a loud thump. “God  _ damn _ it, Magnus,” He groaned from the floor. Magnus cringed and peaked from off the side of the bed. 

“Sorry! Are you okay?”

“I’ll live.” 

Magnus pushed himself off the bed to try and help Taako up, but Taako waved him off. 

“Why were you doing a handstand?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“So you did a handstand?”

“It was either that or drugs, Sideburns.”

“Burnsides.”

“Still stupid.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help you get to bed?”

Taako snorted, for reasons Magnus couldn’t figure out. “Nah, Magno. I… I’m not really the sleeping type.”

“Everyone needs sleep.”

“Not Taako.”

Magnus was quiet for a second. “Is it because of your night terrors?”

Taako shrugged. “Listen, I know what Merle said, but I’m just gonna go hang out with Lup. I’ll be back at like, 5 a.m., so  _ John _ or whatever won’t know.” He started for the door. 

“I’ll come with you!” Magnus said. 

Taako gave him a look. “What?”

“I mean, Lup is my friend, too.”

“Lup is… Lup’s not… fine. Okay. Whatever.” 

They snuck across the hallway into Lup’s room, only to find it suspiciously empty.

“She’s probably on–” Taako started. 

“The roof,” They finished together. They both started at their accidental chorus. 

“Jinx,” Magnus said. 

“How the fuck did you know that?” 

“You aren’t supposed to talk until I say your name–”

“Oh my god, are you seven?”

“I saw her up there a few nights ago. When she got suspended.”

“Oh. When the two of you went out and got drunk?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t have sex with her, did you?”

“No! Why would you think that?”

“I don’t trust men.” 

“I wouldn’t do that. It’s against the rules.”

Taako raised an eyebrow. “So if it wasn’t against the rules…”

“No! Still! I don’t like Lup! I mean, not that she isn’t pretty. You’re both very pretty. Er, handsome. She’s pretty. And you’re handsome. But not in a weird way, you know? Just like… I’m gonna be honest I don’t know the correct way to dig myself out of this hole.” 

“You’re fine,” Taako said, already beginning to climb out of the window. “For now.” 

Magnus hurriedly followed him. 

 

\---

 

“Coming up!” Taako yelled. “Stop making out!” 

He heard Barry choke. “We aren’t–”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Taako said, plopping down next to his sister. “There’s no way you’re cool enough to have a rooftop makeout session, Barold.” 

Barry was sitting a few feet away from Lup. He was on her right side. She was seated in the middle of the roof, smoking a cigarette. She smiled when Taako sat down next to her. He rested his head on her shoulder, and she reached up and hand and patted the side of his head. 

She blew out a long trail of smoke, and then offered the cigarette to Taako. He shrugged, taking a puff. Taako wasn’t really a smoker, but sometimes he would take a drag. He wasn’t really sure why he did it, it was gross as hell, but he did it anyway. He silently passed the cigarette back to Lup. Magnus sat down between Lup and Barry. 

“What are you chucklefucks doing out here?” Lup asked. She was huddled up, her knees tucked under her chin. She was barefoot and shivering. Taako huddled closer to her. He was shivering as well. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” He said. 

“I’ll text Lucretia to ask if she can bring down some blankets,” Magnus announced, moving closer to the twins. He walked behind them, his arms fit around the two of them easily. “Come on Barry,” He said. “Group hug.” 

“God, no,” Taako said, but it didn’t have much venom behind it. 

Barry walked over, his steps shy. He sat next to Taako. 

“Hi Barold,” Taako said. He was surprised Barry sat next to him instead of Lup. 

“Hey Taako.” 

“Lucretia is coming!” Magnus announced.

“You really didn’t have to do that,” Lup said. 

“Yeah I do. Your guys’s bones are like… made of birds.”

“What?”

“You’re tiny as fuck. I don’t want you to turn into twinsicles.” 

Lup snorted. Taako rolled his eyes. He felt Barry shake a bit with silent laughter. 

A light in the house across the way flickered on for a moment, and through some light blue curtains, the silhouette of Lucretia moved about the house. A few minutes later, she was climbing the tree that got up to the roof, two large blankets draped over her shoulders. 

“I can’t believe you all were having a roof party without me,” She said, plopping down next to Lup. “Jesus, you are freezing.” 

“I’ve heard,” Lup said, taking a drag on her cigarette. 

Magnus fanangled the blankets so that they completely covered the five of them. 

“Now,” He said. “If no one moves at all, we should be good.” 

Taako chuckled. 

“Well shit,” Barry said. “I guess I won’t break out all my sick moves then.” 

“What sick moves?” Taako asked. 

“Dabbing,” Lucretia said. “Barry is the dab master.”

“We should get Angus down here so he can break out his sick Fortnite dances,” Magnus said. 

“God, no,” Lup moaned. 

“Cringe culture is dead, Lulu,” Taako said. “Let the boy dance.”

“He has to express what’s in his soul,” Magnus added. 

“And what’s in his soul is Fortnite,” Barry said. 

“You’re all cursed,” Lup said. 

“Does Angus even play Fortnite?” Lucretia asked. 

“Nah,” Magnus said. “June does, though.”

“Jack’s sister?”

“Yeah. They’re tight.”

“That’s cute,” Barry said. “He needs friends.”

“He has friends!” Lucretia protested. “I’m his friend.”

“Yeah, Luce, but he needs friends who are his own age.”

“And you’re like, eighty,” Magnus said. 

“Only on the inside,” Lucretia said. 

“Mood,” Lup said. 

“Bood,” Taako said. 

“Big worm,” Barry continued. 

“Oh  _ big _ worm,” Lucretia said. “Huge worm.”

“What are we even saying anymore?” Magnus laughed. 

“Shh,” Lucretia said. “Just let it happen.”

Taako plucked the cigarette out of Lup’s hand and took a quick drag. She blew a raspberry and took it back. “Ask next time, asshole.” 

She took a long drag, then snuffed it out. 

“So,” Barry said. “Lup. Your suspension ends on Monday, right?”

“Yeah,” Lup looked at something far away. Taako tried to follow her eyes, but try as they might, the two of them couldn’t follow each other everywhere. “Then I have to be on the fuckin’ rugby team.” 

“I’m sure that’ll be fun!” Magnus said. “Everyone on it is super nice. Julia’s on it.” 

Lucretia snickered. “Julia, and also Carey, and Killian, you know, your other friends?” 

“Yeah, right,” Magnus said. 

“I just…” Lup tugged at her hair. Taako grabbed her hand and linked their pinkies together. He squeezed twice. “I hate having people tell me what to do,” She said. “Like, I don’t have fucking  _ anger issues _ , you know? I was completely justified in fucking that bitch up. And now I’m getting forced to go play nice as if I was a child, while she just gets off scot free.” 

“It’s not fair,” Magnus said. “When I… when I first got to Moon, I was just, I was just out of juvie too.” 

Taako heard Barry suck in a breath next to him. He had to refrain himself from asking what Magnus was in for. That probably wouldn’t be appropriate. 

“And, I kind of… broke Edward’s nose.” 

“Shit really?” Lup asked. 

“Yeah. So like, same hat, you know?”

“Same hat.”

“Yeah, but, they were gonna put me back in, until Istus saved my ass. She convinced John that I just needed to channel my anger, or whatever. They made me go to therapy, which didn’t work super well, I wasn’t really cooperative. I was kind of an asshole. But they also got me an apprenticeship with Mr. Waxmen, Julia’s dad. And I didn’t want to go, I was so angry and I felt like it was all just bullshit, but, you know, I went. And it ended up going really really well. And I’m not saying that the same thing will happen for you but like. I don’t think they’re trying to punish you.” 

Taako felt Lup squeeze his pinky. Magnus continued. 

“It’s sometimes like… when life has been shitty for so long, you’re just always looking for things to continue to be shitty. But they aren’t. Always. I mean, sometimes they are, but sometimes they’re not. Sometimes it’s like, damn, I can actually trust this.”

“Guys?” 

Taako swivelled his head to see the bedraggled figure of Angus McDonald climbing down towards them. His hair was sticking in all different directions, and he was wearing slippers that matched his pajamas. 

“Angus!” Magnus said, throwing off the blanket and bounding to scoop him up. “Why are you awake?” 

“I dunno,” Angus said. “Had a nightmare, I guess, and then I couldn’t find any of you, but Ms. Lup’s window was open so…”

“Shit, kid,” Magnus said. 

“Sorry you had a nightmare,” Lucretia said. 

Magnus carried Angus back to where the rest of them were. Angus snuggled into Magnus’s lap, his head leaning on Taako’s shoulder. 

“Angus,” Barry said. “It’s really cold. You probably shouldn’t be out here.”

“Don’ wanna be alone,” Angus mumbled. 

A look of understand passed between all five of the teenagers. 

Angus snuggled closer to Taako and Lup. Lup absentmindedly started running her thin fingers through his hair. 

“I brought my phone,” Lucretia said, reaching into her coat pocket. “Do you guys wanna listen to some music.”

“Would you be chill with that, Agnes?” Taako asked, not wanting to thing about why he cared that the kid was comfortable. It was just common human decency. He didn’t give a shit about Angus in particular. 

“Yeah,” Angus said. 

A soft song filtered out of Lucretia’s tinny speakers. She rested against Lup.

 

_ Weep for yourself, my man,  _

_ You’ll never be what is in your heart _

_ Weep, little lion man, _

_ You’re not as brave as you were at the start _

 

“My mom used to call me her little lion,” Magnus said. Taako saw Barry reach over and rub his back reassuringly. 

 

_ But it was not your fault but mine _ _   
_ _ And it was your heart on the line _ _   
_ _ I really fucked it up this time _ _   
_ _ Didn't I, my dear? _ _   
_ __ Didn't I, my dear?

 

\---

 

Merle woke up earlier than he had in ages. He checked obsessively to make sure that all the kids were in the correct rooms, everything was clean, there was healthy food, all the liquor was hidden, nothing smelled weird, everything sharp was locked up, and all of the pictures that showed how successful and well adjusted the kids were were prominently displayed. 

He fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt. Merle wonders sometimes what would have happened if he was a kid now instead of when he was younger. What would have gone different. He was pretty sure he had ADHD like Magnus, but he was a fifty five year old man, there was no use in going to the doctor for something like that now. 

Davenport had texted him late last night, giving him something to wake up to. 

“ _ Hey old man. You’ve got this. I love you.” _

Merle checked in one all the kids one more time, worried that they’d disappear. 

Angus was curled up in his bed, his slippers next to him and his glasses placed on the nightstand. He was under a blanket that Merle recognized as belonging to Lucretia. He was sleeping softly, his arms clutching a stuffed rabbit. Merle smiled at the kid, and gingerly shut the door. 

Magnus was sprawled out on his bed, the blanket only covering about half of him. His mouth was open, but he wasn’t snoring. Fisher was laying across his stomach. Taako had one pillow over his head and one pillow under it. He was facing the wall. One of his arms was flung over the pillow, keeping it over his head, and one of his feet was sticking out from under the blanket. 

Lup was curled up into herself. She was clutching at her arms and her legs were against her torso. She’d kicked the blankets to the edge of the bed, and shivered in the cold. Merle sighed. Damn kids. He walked over and tucked the blanket up to her chin. She seemed to relax a little. He shut the door, and let out a small sigh of relief. Everyone was here. Everyone was safe. The doorbell rang. 

Merle had met John three years ago, when he first brought Magnus in. John had come to inspect the house and the two of them had begun a passive aggressive rivalry that had only increased in its theatrics throughout the ages. 

John was a tall, gaunt man. He had white skin and salt and pepper hair, and Merle had never seen him anything other than a suit. 

Merle opened up the door and smiled. 

“John!” He said. “What are you doing here?”

“Mr. Highchurch,” John responded, glancing at his clipboard. “You’re up early. It’s five a.m.”

“So it is,” Merle said. “And I think that’s a bit of a pot, kettle, black situation, old friend.”

“We aren’t friends, Mr. Highchurch.”

“Of course not.” 

“So you weren’t expecting me, then?”

“Of course not! I don’t know why you would think we were!”

“Hmmm.”

“Come on in, out of the cold.” 

Merle moved aside, and John stepped in, his long, thin legs making precise motions. He surveyed the room, his eagle eyes looking for anything out of place. Merle cleared his throat. 

“The kids are still asleep. Do you want me to get ‘em up?”

“Not yet, Merle. Let’s  _ talk _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE'S FINALLY HERE. IT ONLY TOOK ME LIKE THREE CHAPTERS OF TEASING IT LOL.


	23. xxiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john is here! talking to people! wow!!

“Of course,” Merle said. He gestured towards an armchair. John surveyed it. It was bright green, with a large, garish knit quilt draped over the side. He sighed, and sat on the edge of it, flipping to the questionnaire-for-guardians. Merle sat down on the couch and smiled. John did not reciprocate.

It wasn’t that he disliked Mr. Highchurch, even though he didn’t, it was more that he didn’t trust him. Why would a divorcee decide suddenly late in life to foster troubled children? John had worked in this business for years, and those years had turned him bitter. People were rarely altruistic, and those who were were far too naive. Nothing about Merle made sense, and John hated it. 

“Still employed?” John asked. 

“Of course,” Merle said. 

“What’s the balance between being home and being at work?”

“I don’t work more than forty hours a week, usually when the kids are at school.” 

“How active would you say you are in the lives of the children?”

“I mean… I’m on the P.T.A. over at the middle school, I go to all of Magnus’s games, I know all their friends, I’d say that this house is sort of the… hangout spot for the, uh, the squad, as they say.” 

“Uh-huh,” John wrote “hangout for squad” in the notes section. 

“How would you say that you–”

“Merle?”

John looked up from the clipboard to see the youngest foster child, eleven-year-old Angus McDonald, wearing red plaid patterned pajamas and blue bunny slippers. He was wiping at his eyes under his glasses frame. 

“Morning, kiddo,” Merle said. 

“What are…” Angus yawned. “What’s John doing here?”

“Oh, he’s just asking me some questions,” Merle said. 

Angus’s bottom lip quivered. “Is he… is John gonna take Taako ‘n’ Lup away?” He asked, his voice shaking. 

John swallowed a sigh. 

Merle laughed, “No, Angus, of course not. He’s just here for a check-in. Now, we’re doing some grown-up talking and–”

“No,” John said, exasperated. “It’s… it’s fine. We can finish this later.” 

“Are you sure?” Merle asked. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” 

“Hey John,” Angus asked. “Do you wanna watch Adventure Time?”

“I–”

“I’ll go start on breakfast,” Merle said, ruffling Angus’s hair and leaving for the kitchen. John stared at the wide-eyed boy in front of him. 

“I should go… talk to Merle.”

“Why are here, John?” Merle asked as he casually burnt some eggs in a pan. 

John sighed. “You have to know why I’m here, Mr. Highchurch.”

Merle sighed. “It’s been… what… two years? Three? You can call me Merle. Hell, it’s not fair that you know my last name and I don’t know yours!” 

“I can’t tell you my last name. What if you tried to find my personal information? Looked me up on… Facebook or something.”

“Do I look like the type of man who knows what Facebook is?”

John raised a thin eyebrow at the joke. There was a beat of silence. “I am here,  _ Merle _ , because one of your foster children was suspended from school on her  _ first day _ . I mean, that has to be some sort of record, don’t you think?”

“She’s adjusting.” 

“Is that what you call it? She’s dangerous. She was tried for armed assault. She got off with a light sentence. It would’ve been much worse if the person she assaulted wanted to pursue further action. Do you understand that? Mr. Highchurch, Merle, I… please. Explain to me why someone who already has two troubled children–”

“They aren’t troubled–”

“Two troubled children would bring in two more? Have you even looked at their files do you know–”

“I am waiting for them to come to me–”

“You can’t be serious! Merle, these children are dangerous–”

“They’re kids!” 

“They’re earlier risers.” 

John stopped dead, recomposing himself. He never got like this with clients, Merle was just so  _ agitating _ . He turned towards the counter of the kitchen, where a tall teenage girl with messy, short brown hair, dark skin, and two different colored eyes was standing in a red tank top and long pajama pants. 

“Mornin’,” She said. 

“Miss–”

“Lup.”

John cleared his throat. “Yes. Lup. For-Forgive me, I was–”

“It’s fine. Nothing I haven’t heard before.” 

She entered the kitchen, moving towards where John and Merle had been squaring off. 

“Pleasure to meet you,” She said, sticking out her hand and grinning. John immediately began to assess. She was underweight but didn’t seem malnourished. She had large bags under her eyes, either stress or lack of sleep. There was a sizeable gap between her two front teeth. Lack of stability, probably didn’t go to the dentist very often, needed braces as a kid but never got them. Her grip was firm when she shook his hand, despite the smallness of her hand. He also noticed the bruises dotting her knuckles–presumably souvenirs from her fight with that other girl–he searched his memory for her name–Lydia. 

“And you as well,” He said. Lup walked over towards where Merle was laying out the different elements of breakfast. He saw her wrinkle her nose slightly. 

“Do you want help with that?” she asked. 

John watched Merle carefully, waiting for his response. 

“Er, I, I appreciate the offer, Lup, but I think it’s best if you sit this one out.” 

Lup blinked. “O...kay…” she said. “I’ll be in my room then. Doing… homework, or whatever.” 

She left the kitchen and bounded up the stairs. 

“Does she like to cook?” John asked. 

“Yeah,” Merle said. “She and her brother both. I think… think they like to cook more than they like to eat.” 

“Oh?”

“But they work too hard. Both of ‘em, but especially Lup. Gotta remind her to take a break sometimes. She reminds me of my daughter, Mavis.” 

“Yes, your daughter. And are you still in contact with your biological children?”

“Oh definitely!” Merle said. “Talk to ‘em all the time! Mavis should be comin’ out soon, when she has a break. Mookie as well, but he’s a little more bound by the constraints of college and all that. Still, should see him in time for Candlenights.” 

“Yes,” John said. “ _ Candlenights _ .” Candlenights, as Merle had explained to him many times, was created to reconcile the fact that Magnus celebrated Christmas, as well as Víspera de Reyes and Día de Reyes, Angus was Jewish and therefore celebrated Hanukkah, and Merle, being some sort of pagan thing, celebrated Yule in addition to Christmas. Therefore, Candlenights was a catch-all term for every winter holiday. 

“It’s a pan-religious, pan-sexual, personal pan holiday celebration that–”

“I  _ know _ what it is.” 

Merle rolled his eyes. “Someone doesn’t have Candlenights spirit.”

“It’s November.” 

“Candlenights isn’t a time, it’s a feeling.” 

“I, you, you just said…” John sighed. “Whatever. Are you still in contact with the man who lives across the street?” 

“Davenport?”

“Yes. Him.”

“We… see each other occasionally. Kids are all very friendly with each other, as you know.”

“Not too friendly, I would hope.”

Merle blinked. “I mean, I don’t… think so. I try not to meddle. Or press too much. That’s their business.”

“Their business until someone gets pregnant.” 

“I trust them all to be safe. They’re all smart kids.” 

John decided not to say anything to that, rather, he jotted down a few notes on his clipboard. 

The two sat in a strange silence for the next while, as Merle waddled about the kitchen and John observed. Eventually, Angus turned off the television and went back up to his room. John assumed he was getting dressed and such as he heard the sound of a shower upstairs. 

“Sound really travels in this place, doesn’t it?” he said. 

Merle nodded. “Sure does.”

Merle finally finished all of the breakfast preparations a little after eight. He began to set the table. 

“Kids!” He hollered. “Breakfast!” 

Three pairs of stomping feet could be heard coming down the stairs. John turned to see Angus, Lup, and Lup’s carbon copy, save for the length of the hair–and a few other aspects. 

“Where’s Magnus?” Merle asked. 

“Still sleeping,” Angus said. 

“Would you please wake him up?”

“Yeah, okay.” 

Angus nodded and darted towards the stairs. John turned to Other Lup, or, as he was more commonly known, Taako. His hair was disheveled. It was short but still shaggy. Clearly hadn’t been trimmed in a long time. He was incredibly lanky, when he yawned and stretched his arms over his head, his ribs poked out through his shirt. He yawned loudly and ran a hand through his hair. 

John clocked a lot of the same problems as his sister. The gapped teeth, the various scars around his body. 

“Siddown, kids,” Merle said, ushering them into their seats. Lup and Taako, John noticed, sat together, their chairs scooted so near each other that their shoulders almost touched. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” John said to Taako. “I’m John.”

“Taako,” Taako said. “You know, from TV?”

“You’ve been on television?”

“Have I?”

“Have you?”

Taako smirked and waved his hand. “Oh, you know.” 

“Right.” 

“Hi John,” Magnus said, moving past him and sitting down. He was even more disheveled than Taako, having literally gotten out of bed less than a minute ago. “Didn’t realize you were popping by.” 

“Of course not,” John said, utterly unconvinced. “Well, you all just try and pretend I’m not here. Go about your business as usual.”

“Great,” Taako said. “Ignoring authority is one of my strong suits.” 

“Although,” Lup said. “To truly ignore him, we’d have to not ignore him. Since he wants us to ignore him.”

“Ah, yes of course.”

“It’s all very complicated.” 

“So, John,” Taako said, flashing him a lazy grin. “You got kids?”

John smiled right back. “Shocking. You’ve guessed a question I’m specifically not allowed to answer.” 

“That’s just how we do.” He turned away from John to face down the table, where everyone was now sitting down, Merle next to Angus on the left, Lup and Taako on the right and Magnus between them on the side furthest from the front door. “Who made this?” Taako asked. 

“Merle,” Lup said. 

“Oh. Delicious.”

Lup smiled. “Yup.” 

 

\---

 

Angus McDonald’s room was clean, but cluttered. His bed was made, with matching sheets and duvet, and piles of throw pillows. His desk had a clear space for working, and then was covered in knick-knacks and picture frames and the like all around it. His walls were plastered with photos. Everything  _ had _ its place, but there were lots of things that needed to  _ be _ placed. 

“Hello, Angus,” John said. He was sitting in Angus’s desk chair, while the child was on his bed. 

“Hello, sir,” Angus responded. He looked at John with measured, intelligent eyes. Something about this kid had always unnerved him. He was too smart, too polite, too sharp. 

“How have you been, the past few months.” 

“Good.”

“Your studies going well?”

“Yes.” 

“Making friends?”

“Yeah.”

“Keeping out of trouble?”

“Yes.” 

“Do you only give one-word answers?”

“... No.”

John smiled. “I see. Don’t want to give information to the enemy?”

Angus didn’t respond.

“Because I’m not the enemy, Angus. I want to make sure that everything is going the way that it should be. To keep you kids all safe.” 

“Yeah. I know.”

John nodded. “How do you feel about Lup and Taako?”

Angus bit the inside of his cheek. “I like them,” he said, after some time. 

“Mhm. Did Merle ask you before he took them in?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess? He said that he was taking them in as a favor. And that it wouldn’t be permanent. But he said if we were uncomfortable then he wouldn’t do it.” 

“Right, yes. Did he say how long he intends to have them stay here?”

“I guess… I guess until Mr. Pan can find another foster family? But…”

“What?”

“I wouldn’t mind… having them stay here. For a long time, I mean. I like them.”

“Do you feel safe around them?”

“Y-Yeah?”

“You hesitated.”

“I mean…” Angus averted his eyes. “Honestly, sir, I’m sort of scared anything I say to you will be taken out of context in an attempt to further your own agenda and forward whatever makes sense within the context whatever narrative you and your superiors have already constructed. So I’m having a hard time being completely forward with you.” 

John stopped for a beat and then nodded slowly. “I… understand that. I guess. But I’m going to push some… uh… agenda, as you said, no matter what, so wouldn’t it be better to have at least some control?”

Angus looked at him for a long time, as if he was trying to figure out if John was trying to trick him. 

“I know that sometimes the twins can be… scary, I guess, but they also would never hurt me. I trust them, even though I haven’t known them for a long time.” 

“‘Trust,’” John repeated. “You like that word around here, don’t you.” 

“Uh… I guess?”

“Well. If you ever need to talk about anything, or have anything to report, you have my card.” 

“I do. And you have mine.” 

“Wha-what?”

Angus slid off the bed and walked towards his desk, opening a drawer and producing a small piece of cardstock with printer paper taped to it. It read: Angus McDonald, Boy Detective. 

There was no contact information. He handed it to John. 

“Thank you?”

“Of course.” 

“So,” John flipped to a new page on his clipboard. “Let’s talk about you, Angus. How are you doing? Are you feeling alright?” 

“Yes, sir, I’m doing fine.”

“Fine stands for fricked up, insecure, neurotic–”

“I’m sorry, did you say ‘fricked up’?”

“You’re eleven.”

“Almost twelve!”

“I’m not allowed to curse around you.” John sighed. “Angus, the more you keep dodging questions the longer this will go on.”

“I’m really okay, sir! I feel well adjusted. I like this place. I feel understood and cared for.”

“You stopped going to therapy.”

“My therapist was an idiot,” he said flatly. “He didn’t believe I was autistic. He–” Angus sighed. “I didn’t need him anymore.” 

“So, you aren’t having panic attacks anymore?”

“Not often…”

“Or meltdowns?”

“They aren’t  _ meltdowns– _ ”

“And what about your lying?”

“Are you going to actually let me answer a question or are you just going to push accusations on to me until I freak out from the pressure? Cause that’s some pretty underhanded shit, sir.” 

John sighed. He waited a beat, then held out his hands in a “well?” gesture. 

“I’m doing fine,” Angus said. “Really. I haven’t been having as manic panic attacks or anxious episodes, the flashbacks have gone down, as have the…  _ meltdowns _ ,” there was venom in his voice. “And as for the lying… I… I haven’t been. And I found the fact that you people think I’m a compulsive liar to be ridiculous. No one listens to me. Of course I–look. Whatever. Look at your sheet. I’ve been keeping my head down, not asking questions, all that stuff. I’m not getting in trouble.”

“Lately.” 

“ _ Lately _ .” 

“And your grandfather? How has that been.” 

Angus looked at his lap. “It’s fine.”

“Angus–”

“It’s… it’s good! It’s whatever! I visited him a week before the twins came. I’ll… make it out to visit him again soon.”

“And has Merle been supporting this?”

“Yes. He encourages me to go. He tries to get me to go more than the once a month that I have to.”

“Well, that’s good.” 

Angus shrugged. 

“And is he supportive afterward? I know that having a family member with dementia can be… stressful.”

“He’s no worse than he always was,” Angus said, a sharp bite to his voice that even he looked surprised by. “I mean… he’s just different now. It’s not any more stressful than it has been… just different.” 

“Mhm. Well, Angus, you know how much we care about you having contact with blood relatives–”

“Yeah. I know.”

Angus still wasn’t meeting his eyes. He kicked at his bed. John could tell that he was completely shut down. He made a few more notes on his clipboard. 

“Well then. I should be going now. Like I said, if you need anything–”

“I’m sure I won’t,  _ sir _ .” 

“Of course. Goodbye, Mr. McDonald.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while, huh! i'm at home for the break and i don't have really anything to do except write and wallow in misery, so you'll probably get some more updates in the next while. also, i'll have two candlenights gift exchange oneshots going up soon! 
> 
> and hey, why don't you have a gander at the playlist for this fic, while you're at it??https://open.spotify.com/user/greeneggsandham_24/playlist/0DohaY6lXopKSIdEM2Ga96?si=jZry6mN-RoS9Y61-V2s0hw
> 
> if you have any songs that you think would fit the vibe of the fic, send them to me on tumblr. i'm always lookin for new music to write to. 
> 
> anyway, it's 2:46 am, and also 2 hours earlier than i'm used to it being, so it feels like 4:46. i'm gonna go to bed. xo, writer girl


	24. xxiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of John's visit to the highchurch household
> 
> TW: emotional abuse for the entire last section, beginning at "Taako was back in his room with Lup..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like chilean miners emerging from the depths..... i have a new chapter six months later.

“Magnus,” John said, looking at the giant, hulking boy sitting cross-legged on the bed across from him. “Always a pleasure to see you.”

John was perched uncomfortably in the large office chair that served as Magnus’s desk chair. The room was a mess of clothes and posters, all congregating on one side, where Magnus’s bed was. A large dog snored loudly. It was dark black and drooling on Magnus’s pillow. 

“Is it?” Magnus asked. He leaned forward and pitched his voice up an octave. “ _ Is it? _ ” 

John pulled his clipboard out of his briefcase. “Of course,” he said, not at all trying to be convincing. “So, Magnus, how have you been doing?”

“I’m great,” Magnus said. 

“Uh  _ huh _ . You’re feeling fine about having Taako rooming with you, then?”

“Oh, of course.” Magnus smiled wide. John was not convinced. 

“Well, how are the two of you doing? How are you handling sharing the space?”

“Um,” Magnus said. “We just like… I mean, you know. I’ve had like, roommates before. Cause like I’ve been in other foster homes and stuff with like, a lot, uh, a lot more kids, so. Yeah. We just like… try and stay out of each other’s way.”

John nodded slowly. “So… no issues then?”

“None at all. Can I go?”

John forced a short, fake laugh. “Not quite yet,” he said. “I want to talk about you. How’s school been going? Gotten into any fights lately?” 

“Ha ha,” Magnus rolled his eyes. “No. You would’ve known about that anyway. I’m doing great. My apprenticeship is going great, Mr. Waxmen has been great and kind and he even told me I have a guaranteed job at the Hammer and Tongs after my apprenticeship is up.”

“Well, that’s wonderful news. And school?”

“Good! I’m captain of the football team this year and we just finished up our season, and I just started training for wrestling.” 

John raised an eyebrow. “And… academically?” 

Magnus shrugged. It was strange to watch a kid as big as he was trying to make himself small.

“Fine.” 

“You’re in pre-calculus, right?” 

Magnus’s eyes were trained on the floor. “Yeah,” he said. 

“And that isn’t too overwhelming?” 

“No, it’s… it’s fine.” 

John nodded. He checked a few things off on his clipboard. “And, last question, have you seen your mother lately?” 

“Not…” Magnus went even quieter. “Not for a while.”

“Magnus, you know how important it is to keep up with blood relations–”

“She doesn’t want to see me!” Magnus interrupted. “Last time I was there she freaked out and screamed about how I was attacking her–”

“Were you?”

Magnus stood in indignation. The sudden movement caused the dog to perk up her head. “No! Of course not! She’s just… confused.” He looked down at his shoes, and then said in a quiet voice. “She thinks I’m my dad.” 

John nodded, ignoring Magnus’ distress. “Well, I think I have everything I need then.” He stood, and began to leave. Magnus didn’t seem to notice. John sighed, and paused. “That’s not your fault, Mr. Burnsides,” he said. “I’m sorry that… things with your mother are difficult. You’re a very,” he grimaced. “ _ Kind _ boy.” 

Before Magnus could reply, John left the room, shutting the door firmly. 

 

\---

 

“So,” Taako said, lounging on his bed, his head hanging off of its side. “You’re John.” 

John was seated across from him, back straight, holding his clipboard. “A… pleasure to meet you, Taako,” he said. 

“Oh, I’m sure,” Taako replied. He flopped onto his stomach and rested his head in his hands. “Fire away, my man, I don’t have all day.”

John frowned. “Alright,” he said. He flipped to a fresh page on his clipboard. “How are you adjusting?” 

Taako shrugged. “I’m pretty much unflappable, so…” 

“M _ hm _ ,” John said. “Making friends?”

“Taako attracts adoring fans everywhere he goes.” 

“How’s school?”

“The homogeneity of the public school system makes it laughably easy to assimilate.” 

John’s eyebrows knit together at Taako’s flippant answers. “Are you getting along well with Magnus?” 

Taako smirked. “Oh, Maggie’s great.” 

“He’s a good roommate?” 

Taako shrugged. “I mean, he mostly confines his mess to his side of the room. Leaves his socks everywhere, but, I’ve had worse.” 

John pressed on. “So, you haven’t felt… bad about not rooming with your sister?” 

A smirk crossed Taako’s face. He sat up fully and crossed his arms. “We needed space anyway.” 

“Of course.” John leaned back in his chair. “Well, Taako, you seem to be adjusting incredibly. And you are staying out of trouble, yes?” 

“I always do.” 

“Avoiding any jewelry stores?” 

Taako smirked. “Low blow, Johnny Boy.” 

“Yes, well, if you need anything, here’s my card.” He held out his business card. Taako took it. 

“I’ll be sure to keep this in a safe place,” he said, tossing it onto his floor. 

  
  


\---

 

Lup sat perched on the windowsill in her room, her skinny legs pulled up against her body, with her chin resting on her knees. Her brown hair was messy and curly, the light catching it like a halo. She studied John with a scrupulous, serpentine look. 

“So,” John said. “I suppose I should begin with apologizing, for, uh, this morning.” 

Lup rolled her eyes. “It’s whatever.” 

He nodded. “Right, well, let’s get this over with. So, Lup, how are you… adjusting?” 

Lup smirked. “Oh, I think everything is going just swell.” 

John exhaled through his nose. “Yes, well. From what I’m seeing on your file, that isn’t quite the case. You got into a serious altercation on your first day of school.” 

“In my defense, she was being a total bitch.” 

“So, are you saying you don’t feel bad about it? At all?” John pressed. 

Lup bit her lip. “Of course not. I feel absolutely terrible. Violence is never the answer and peace and love and kindness and all that other bullshit. Can I go now?” 

John frowned. “I don’t think you understand the severity of your situation, Lup. You were just released from juvenile hall for stabbing someone. You were almost tried as an adult for a felony. You’re lucky to even be here. You and your brother were going to be separated into different group homes, and the only reason you weren’t is because your social worker went to bat for you and found someone who was actually willing to take you two in. To speak plainly, you are on your last leg. You are out of chances. So I would think more carefully about the way that you speak to me. After all, the things you say not only reflect back on yourself and your brother but on Mr. Highchurch as well. It would be terrible if he was found to be an unfit foster parent. I mean, I have no idea where I would put Mr. Burnsides and Mr. McDonald. They might have to be relocated out of county… but I’m rambling. You were saying.”

Lup’s mouth set into a completely straight line. One of her bruised fists clenched tightly. “I was saying,” she said through her teeth, “that I feel absolutely  _ terrible _ about what I did, and would be willing to do anything to make it up to that…  _ darling _ girl who I hurt.”

John smiled. “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” 

“You have my word.” 

 

\---

 

“So,” Lup said, the minute after John had walked out the door later that evening. “That guy is a dick.” 

“Oh yeah,” Angus agreed. 

“Major dick,” Magnus agreed. “Like, big dick energy, but not in the flattering way.” 

They had cleaned up dinner and moved to sitting in Merle’s living room. Magnus, Angus, and Lup were playing Poker with Cheetos, an activity made difficult by the fact that Taako, who was reading a book on one of the overstuffed armchairs kept reaching down and eating them. 

“Where does he get off,” Taako asked, grabbing a handful of Cheetos from Magnus’ stack and shoving them in his mouth. “Asking weird and invasive questions? Like, making people uncomfortable with pointed observations about their character is my thing. Get your own thing,  _ Johnathan _ .” 

“Right?” Lup said. “Back off Taako’s I.P., Johnathy.” 

“That’s just how Johnjamin is,” Angus said with a sigh. 

Magnus frowned. “You guys took all the good ones. I can’t think of any.” 

Lup giggled as Magnus continued to struggle to think of names.

“John… Johndrew? Johnfery? Johnthalomew?”

Angus erupted into a fit of laughter at that. 

“Johnthalomew is pretty good,” Lup said. 

“I can definitely get with that,” Taako added. “How about… Johnge?”

“Johnge?” Lup repeated. 

“Yeah, it’s like George, but John.” 

Lup shook her head. “Yeah, no.” 

Taako laughed. He grabbed a Cheeto from her and threw it at her head. “You just can’t recognize my vision, Lulu.” 

“Oh I can recognize it just fine,” Lup said, a grin on her face. “It’s just  _ bad _ .” 

Taako flipped her off good-naturedly. She responded in kind. 

“Hey,” Angus said. “Guys, stop being so  _ fucking _ rude!” 

The four of them all devolved into flurries of giggles. 

 

\---

 

Taako was back in his room with Lup. She slept softly next to him, her figure rising and falling with deep, reassuring breaths. He faced away from her, staring at the bright screen in front of him with feelings of guilt swirling in his body and making him feel as though he was going to be sick. 

A text came through, popping up onto the screen. 

_ <3: I can’t believe you’re in West Virginia, T. Really, of all places.  _

_ Me: I know. I’m sorry.  _

_ <3: I’m not angry at you, dear. It’s not your fault.  _

_ Me: Thanks. You’re so nice to me. I don’t deserve you.  _

_ <3: Oh darling thats so sweet. Although, I guess, we wouldn’t be in this mess at all if not for you… _

_ Me: I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I know I fucked up so bad _

_ <3: I forgive you. We all make mistakes.  _

_ Me: I love you.  _

_ <3: I know you do. And really, it’s more your sisters fault than yours. She was always jealous of us. Jealous that you were becoming your own person and leaving her behind. And, of course, she hated me.  _

_ Me: She just didn’t understand. She thought you were hurting me.  _

_ <3: Taako, she stabbed me.  _

_ <3: And that’s ridiculous. You know I’ve never hurt you.  _

_ Me: I know. Thank you so much for not trying to get her in more trouble than you did.  _

_ <3: Well, unlike Lup I don’t want you to be separated from people who you love. I just don’t think she’s good for you.  _

_ Me: she’s my sister. She’s all I have _

_ <3: You have me, T. _

_ Me: I wish I could see you.  _

_ <3: Yeah.  _

_ Me: I love you, saze.  _

_ <3: But you love Lup more.  _

_ Me: Please don’t make me choose.  _

_ <3: I mean, you’re in WV. I think you’ve already chosen.  _

_ Me: Saze, pls _

_ <3: Goodnight Taako.  _

_ Me: Goodnight, ig. I love you.  _

Sazed didn’t respond. Taako started at the small words reading “read at 4:03 a.m.,” bile scratching at the back of his throat, until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry about my absence lately fuckin whoops amirite. now that it's summer hopefully i'll be able to write more often. tbh i kind of hate this chapter, i've been feeling not very good about my writing lately and i feel kind of like i've forgotten how to write these characters so this feels really shitty ooc to me but i wanted to post it anyway. 
> 
> anywho, check out my tumblr @ipretwins, my twitter @kathisntvalid, and the spotify playlist for this fic: https://open.spotify.com/user/greeneggsandham_24/playlist/0DohaY6lXopKSIdEM2Ga96?si=KY7vVIuqSB2bW452oKIo2g
> 
> see y'all soon!! 
> 
> xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @ipretwins
> 
> leave a comment if you're feeling particularly lovely <3


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